freakboy on film: WEAPONS (2025)

⚠️WARNING⚠️ 
I’m gonna spoil the shit out of this film!

written & directed by Zach Cregger 

The only things I knew about WEAPONS before catching a matinee were the title and that it was horror/suspense.  Maybe I had a vague notion of the plot centering around kids because of the shadows on the poster that I briefly glanced at without my Mad Scientist Glasses, so any text went undeciphered. 

WEAPONS is about almost all the kids in a classroom not showing up for school one morning.  Only Justine Gandy, the new teacher, and one shy student are there, followed by a town full of questions and accusations.  All that is known is the missing kids walked…well…more ran out of their homes at 2:17 AM and never came back.  Maybe they were running away from this movie?  The story unfolds from different perspectives, which I liked, culminating in an ending that goes on too long.  

Other things I liked include Amy Madigan as Aunt Gladys.  Initially, it’s like she’s channeling Katherine Helmond as Jessica Tate in the sitcom SOAP (1977-1981), but her kind, mildly ditzy personality is all a (witch)crafty ruse.  

Another thing I liked was the surprise inclusion of a same-sex couple!  LGBTQ+ representation in the horror genre has come a long way, but it’s still feels rare.  That being said, have we come far enough in rights and being accepted to have the only queer representation in WEAPONS brutally killed without having a conversation about it, especially with the current political climate?  

This brings me to something  I didn’t like, besides the goofy scenes of kids running into the dark, the predictable jump scares, the long ending and a lack of explanation over how exactly the missing, spellbound kids loitering around a basement were going to cure an ailing old witch.  I mean, she was obviously not eating them and the kids didn’t seem to be aging if she was  siphoning their youth, but whatever.  As that ending never seemed to end, a realization dawned in my, perhaps, oversensitive mind.  All the characters who died in WEAPONS would be considered “sinners” in the self-righteous minds of right-wing religious whackjobs.  There’s an unfaithful husband, a junkie thief, a gay couple and a witch.  As the admittedly unique ending credits scrolled up at angles, I seriously pondered whether or not I just watched a piece of heteronormative, conservative Christian claptrap disguised as a horror film.  The big flaw in my borderline outrage logic is if my pondering was correct, the teacher would’ve died because she had an affair with the unfaithful husband.  History has proven time and time again that right-wing religious whackjobs would label a woman in this position a harlot or temptress and blame her for everything. 

So, the teacher not dying probably proves my pondering wrong, but the possibility of being correct leaves a distasteful taste in my mouth.  It doesn’t help that I reside in a conservative religious town, in a conservative religious state, in a country currently gunning for right-wing whackjob supremacy.  Can you blame me if my bigotry alert radar is set on high?  I mean, just look at the itsy-bitsy religious propaganda popping up around my already holier-than-thou town for Christ’s sake! 😏 

In conclusion…
If my spoilers and ponderings haven’t ruined it for you, I suppose WEAPONS isn’t the worst way to spend over two hours of your life.  (Did it need to be that long?  No.)  There is some humor and the different perspectives keep things interesting for a bit, but save some soda and popcorn for the never-ending ending.  You’re gonna need some energy to stay focused! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Julia Garner as Justine Gandy in WEAPONS made me visually think of a young Parker Posey donning a bad blond wig and glasses from a different decade. 

Thelma vs. Nosferatu

On a recent excursion to a nearby city, my sister and I stopped at a well-known big box store which doesn’t need more advertising here.  Surprisingly, physical media is still sold in this marketplace, so I had to pop on my Mad Scientist Glasses to see what was on the shelf.  

I purchased two films.  One was a planned purchase.  The other was an impulse buy.  Which one was which and will I keep them both or are they headed for the library discard table?  Let’s find out…

NOSFERATU (2024) 

written & directed by Robert Eggers 

This is a 21st Century remake of the 1922 German silent film of the same name.  The silent film was an unlicensed adaptation of the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker, so you know the basic plot.  Thomas, a young realtor, visits Transylvania to secure a deal with a reclusive aristocrat and inadvertently unleashes a vampire upon the world, or at least upon one city.

Peekaboo, Count Orlok sees you!

NOSFERATU is a beautifully crafted update that fleshes out some unexplored plot elements from the original.  Real estate proprietor Knock has a bit more to do than simply go mad and eat bugs, while the psychic connection between the realtor’s wife Ellen and Count Orlok is more fully developed.  Visually dark (I would’ve been lost without Adrienne Barbeau’s descriptive audio narration) and emotionally moody,  NOSFERATU is a solid love letter to its source material.  However, if you want a truly unsettling vampire, nothing compares to the original silent film.

As an added bonus,  NOSFERATU contains a wink and a nod to a couple of other vampire films through its cast.  Nicholas Hoult plays Thomas, but in 2023, the actor was the title character in the outrageously fun Dracula spin-off RENFIELD.  Willem Dafoe plays the disgraced professor who is treating Ellen’s maladies in NOSFERATU, but in 2000, he portrayed the original silent film NOSFERATU actor Max Schreck in SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE. 

THELMA (2024) 

written & directed by Josh Margolin 

When Thelma is scammed out of $10,000 by someone pretending to be her grandson, there’s only one thing for this 93-year-old widow to do.  Go after the scammer to get her money back by trekking across the city without her overprotective family’s knowledge.  Will she succeed in her impossible mission?  Hang onto your scooter because it’s going to be a wild ride! 

Hell hath no fury like a Granny scammed!

THELMA is a delightfully funny, low-key crazy film about family, friendship and the realities of aging.  There’s the right amount of heart to ground the story without causing the viewer to vomit. 

The cast is perfection with June Squibb as the determined Thelma.  She brings a human touch to a character that could’ve been portrayed as a caricature by a lesser thespian.  Richard Roundtree, in his final role, brings sweet sincerity as Thelma’s cohort Ben.  Parker Posey, as Thelma’s understandably stressed-out daughter, is a joy to watch and listen to, as always.  Fred Hechinger, as Thelma’s devoted grandson, brings a bit of slacker charm to the table. 

NOSFERATU was my planned purchase because I have the silent version and a remake from the 1970s, so my filmic OCD demanded I purchase a copy of the new one.  THELMA was the impulse buy.  The vivid cover caught my half-blind eyes, but even with my Mad Scientist Glasses on, I couldn’t quite decipher the title.  I thought it was called Tell Me, so I asked my sister to tell me what the hell I was looking at.  She read the title and then mentioned Parker Posey was in it.  With that, THELMA was immediately put in my basket.

Wait, what are you putting where?

In conclusion…

Neither THELMA nor NOSFERATU will be donated to the library.  I enjoyed both and they each deserve more viewings.  However, if I could only keep one, it would be THELMA, which is currently streaming on Hulu.  The story was full of surprises and was extremely entertaining and satisfying.  Plus, it has Parker Posey!  

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. Click a pic ⤵️ for other filmic battles! 🍿

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Escape reality with one of my books… 📚 

A Short Story (a short story, of sorts)

    I stare, glare at the black screen through two pieces of plastic glass.  The white too bright to reflect, refract, magnify my muddled words.  Feeling the syllables crawling, scrawling beneath this growing older by the millisecond skin.  Verbal seeds screeching, reaching for the blinding sight of others to inhale, devour, clatter in their respective collective mindscape.  Fading away fingerprints scrolling through digital pages or tips bleeding from flipping sharp paper edges in a frenzy to discover meaning in nonsense and senselessness in moments.  Watering eyes, tears or sweat blurring lines of fictitious reality and really fiction until the happy or not end is reached, achieved.  My voice spent, digits numb from popping letters into place, trying to place the seen from my head onto the dark screen floating in depth, closer than appears but so far from the soul suffocating inside.  Circling the circles surrounding sighing eyes, unable to see what others claim to see inside out.  Inside me within the lines of a short story that may never come to be.

____________
2024, John L. Harmon 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Escape reality through my books available from an Amazon near you…

freakboy on film: MEAN GIRLS (2024)

It’s been a long January with sub-zero arctic temps and a less than stellar paid STURGEONS book promo.  I obviously needed to get out of the house and out of my mind for a bit.  The cinema has always been my home away from home, so I grabbed my mad scientist glasses and walked to my town’s 3-screen theater.  I could’ve checked out THE BOYS IN THE BOAT, but I knew it wasn’t a sequel to THE BOYS IN THE BAND.  THE BEEKEEPER was also playing, but despite the look of the poster, I knew it wasn’t a spin-off of the CANDYMAN franchise.  There was only one film left and I was one of 5 people who caught the Sunday musical matinee of MEAN GIRLS. 

freakboy confessions…
The only things I remember about the original, non-musical 2004 film of the same name is it starred Lindsay Lohan and I thought it felt like a watered-down version of HEATHERS.  That being said, the only thing I knew about the new version was that it’s a musical based on a stage musical, which I heard about at exactly the same moment I heard about the new film.  Whatever, don’t look at me that way!  You know as well as I do that unless they turn John Waters’ DESPERATE LIVING or Andy Milligan’s FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET into gleefully inappropriate musical extravaganzas, I really don’t give a flying fluffernutter what happens on Broadway!  

Anyhoo, I assume the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS follows the basic plot of the original.  New girl at school befriends social outcasts but also draws the interest of the popular clique.  Social outcasts convince new girl to infiltrate the popular clique for revenge purposes.  New girl falls for the ex-boyfriend of the popular clique’s leader, culminating in magnificent musical mayhem! 

Yes!  It’s true!  I seriously enjoyed this version of MEAN GIRLS!  I laughed out loud!  I tapped my feet to the beat and may have engaged in some neck-dancing!  In my opinion, the main source of my enjoyment was the energy this film radiated!  I mean, I fully expected glittery confetti to explode from the screen during the deliciously manic “Revenge Party” scene!  

This emotionally charged teen-angst energy is why I am down on my knees (shut up!) and begging stage play scribe/screenwriter Tina Fey to give CARRIE: THE MUSICAL a fresh coat of verbal paint and get directors Samantha Jayne & Arturo Perez Jr. to helm a cinematic disco bloodbath spectacle of this alleged Broadway misfire!  I get thrill-chills just imagining what this terrific trifecta of a team could do with “The World According to Chris” and the title song!  They could inject a MEAN GIRLS energy into CARRIE and probably get me thrown out of the theater when I would start emphatically singing along while having a filmgasm! 

In climax…I mean, conclusion… 
The new musical film version of MEAN GIRLS is just what no hot doctor ordered, but definitely what I needed to momentarily escape my possibly imagined frozen wasteland of mediocre obscurity.  Oh, and I know some haters will totally hate me for this, but much like the 2020 musical version of VALLEY GIRL, the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS surpasses and improves on its source material.  Deal with it! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, exclamation mark heavy words! 

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  freakboy confession…
I have listened to the soundtrack to the stage musical of HEATHERS and it was like I had a brain tumor for breakfast.  Even the RIVERDALE episode couldn’t rescue that travesty of teen-angst tuneful torture! 👎
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Speaking of torture, my books are available from an Amazon near you…

Andy Milligan Scripts: TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Oh, you knew it was gonna happen sooner or later!  My Andy Milligan obsession forced me to purchase the shockingly big and ridiculously heavy out-of-print 2020 hardcover edition of THE GHASTLY ONE by Jimmy McDonough.  I could go on and on about how luridly beautiful this massive book is, especially with its enticing and exciting photos not included in the 2001 edition.  However, I’d rather talk about the bonus paperback book, which is the main reason I splurged on the behemoth hardcover.  

ANDY MILLIGAN SCRIPTS is a collection of 5 film and/or stage play scripts from the Grindhouse/Way-Off Broadway auteur himself.  I am obviously eager to devour each deliciously acidic word, but I craved one script above the rest.  During the early days of my obsession, I searched for Andy Milligan on IMDb and was drawn to many titles, including TRICKS OF THE TRADE (1968).  The plot about a married man being blackmailed after indulging in a night of lust with another couple sounded right up my trashy alley!  Tragically, it is one of his lost films.  Thankfully, I have now read the mind-boggling, eye-popping script! 

IMDb also lists Gerald Jacuzzo as a writer.

Fred and Saline Clark are an unhappily married couple.  The unhappiness mainly stems from Saline’s needy and intrusive mother, who calls and drops by at the most inopportune times, even during the couple’s infrequent bedroom activities.  After a fight about his wicked mother-in-law, Fred storms out and finds himself at a bar far away from his unhappy home.  There he meets Stud and Marcy Perkins, a pair of swinging hippies.  

This carefree couple intrigues Fred so much that he agrees to go back to their place.  Before you can say “ménage à trois” three times fast, Fred gives into lust and experiences some new sensations, including a deep kiss from Stud.  Little does Fred suspect, this is a sex set-up.  Marcy and Stud have arranged for this session to be photographed so they can eventually blackmail him.  Let’s face it, a same-sex kiss blackmail pic would fetch a pretty penny in 1968 and, sadly, even in some parts of the world today. 

Fred returns to his worried wife and mundane life, still unaware of the devious machinations going on behind him.  Either because of his troubled marriage or his experimental night with Stud and Marcy, Fred makes an appointment with a psychiatrist.  Dr. Pauline Flood is the epitome of professionalism.  Within a couple of sessions, she tells Fred to grow a pair and then sleeps with him. 

This form of in-depth therapy works for Fred.  He finds the courage to throw his mother-in-law out and get his marriage back on track.  Just when you think a happy ending for Saline and Fred is in sight, along comes Stud Perkins with a simple request for Fred.  Show up at a sketchy address in an hour or their kissing photo will be released for the world to see.  Since a same-sex scandal could ruin his marriage and career, Fred agrees to this request and is introduced to the mastermind behind the blackmail.  

Four Eyes, a man residing over his court of degenerates on a throne, is bejeweled like a king and wears a neck brace.  He demands Fred exchange $5,000 for the incriminating photo.  Fred flat out refuses and is quickly beaten unconscious and drugged by Four Eyes’ henchmen named Eenie, Meenie, Minie and Moe.  How does this nightmare scenario of sex and violence end? 

 
SPOILER ALERT!  

Saline is an emotional mess because she hasn’t seen nor heard from Fred in six months.  Her mother thinks Saline needs to stop moping around, reminding  her daughter that she warned her how Fred was a poor choice for a husband.  Cut to a disfigured face.  Fred is barely recognizable and is suffering from amnesia.  He has become just another derelict junkie wandering the unsavory streets of the city alone. 

Yes, it’s another heartwarmingly cynical and pessimistic tableau from Andy Milligan and I was extremely satisfied!  There are some eyebrow-raising moments and I love the characters.  Fred and Saline Clark have some interesting quirks that are not, unfortunately, fully explored.  Saline’s mother is another entertaining example of Milligan’s controlling matriarch character.  Dr. Pauline Flood is joyously unconventional and unethical.  Stud and Marcy Perkins are memorably crazy and I imagine could easily slide into a John Waters film.  So could Four Eyes and his goofy-named goons.  I still wonder if Four Eyes got his name because of having four henchmen or if he wears glasses along with a neck brace.  There is also a slew of very interesting side characters which I haven’t mentioned because they are not directly involved with the main plot, and because this post is already too long anyways. 

The pages in the book are scanned copies of the actual script.  There are sections of dialogue blacked out, with occasional handwritten notes, presumably by Andy.  It’s a visceral visual treat to study and devour these words, which thanks to my tablet and Mad Scientist Glasses, I did with devious delight!  Now if only someone would unearth a print of the film from a theater’s basement or somewhere. 

Below is more information and a list of cities TRICKS OF THE TRADE played during its original theatrical run, just in case anyone has the time, resources and desire to search sketchy basements and forgotten attics…

From the booklet “Andy Milligan’s Venom” (included with The Dungeon of Andy Milligan box set)

There must have been at least two prints circulating around back then.

In conclusion…
Based on the script, I believe TRICKS OF THE TRADE could give FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET a run for its hustled money as my favorite Andy Milligan film or at least bump NIGHTBIRDS down from a close second to third.  The story is so abrasive, occasionally shocking and sometimes very funny, that it could be Milligan’s lost masterpiece.  So, if you get a chance to experience the TRICKS OF THE TRADE script, grab a Pepsi and take this bumpy ride into the acerbic depth of Andy Milligan’s psyche.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve heard there is a theatrical trailer for TRICKS OF THE TRADE out there, but I haven’t been able to locate it.  Though there are some stills in the hardcover edition of THE GHASTLY ONE, which just inflames my desire!  If you know where to watch the trailer, please leave a comment below.  Thanks! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. click the pic ⤵️ to get weird with a previous Milligan post…

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My books & blogs… 
http://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-collective.html 

In Sight (a poem, of sorts)

Powering on 
my X-ray eyes 
seeing the cruel you 
You bury deep inside 

Reflecting in  
seeing what you see 
but when you laughed 
You didn’t see me 

Switching off 
these see through eyes 
having seen too much of 
You being blind 

____________
2023, John L. Harmon 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. click the pic for an earlier poem, of sorts…

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My book or ebook of half-blind poems is available from an Amazon near you…

A reader’s photo

freakboy on film: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR (2013)

 To quirk, or not to quirk?  That is the question…

Even now, looking at a photo while wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I can see why I was drawn to the DVD while flipping through a rack at a local gas station.  The cover, with its simple artwork that looks like something from the 1950’s, was unlike all the mainstream movies before me.  So I picked it up, not knowing a thing about it.  Seriously, I couldn’t decipher either the long title or the cast.  I just felt a strong desire because whatever it was seemed different. 

When I joined my sister in line at the gas station, I showed her the DVD and explained how I didn’t know what it was, but I was going to buy it.  She figured I was buying it because Parker Posey was in it.  I was amazed!  I couldn’t read her name, so it felt like fate that I was subconsciously drawn to a film with one of my favorite acting talents!  This made me even more eager to pop in the disc! 

Well…

I didn’t make it through the first time I tried watching AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  Neither the story nor the actors held my attention.  Though maybe it didn’t help that my phone was in easy reach.  So I vowed I would give it another watch, for Parker Posey and for myself. 

Parker Posey waves for help to get out of this movie!

One Month Later…

I still hadn’t tried watching it again and now a Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift to myself was on its way.  I needed to watch this DVD so I could freely enjoy the upcoming movies.  My sister recommended watching it in parts over a couple of days, like we did with the criminally boring SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY.  Much like Yoda, my sister’s advice was spot on.  

Three Days Later…

Bruce Greenwood as me after watching this movie!

Even in 25-30 minute increments, AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR was tough to sit through.  The quirky plot about a CEO of an advertisement agency having a nervous breakdown and talking in commercial slogans was presented in the most unquirky way possible.  Such a potentially fun idea deserves a little spring in its step, but it all felt as monochrome as its cover art.  

Even the usually reliable Parker Posey, Bruce Greenwood and Callum Blue couldn’t seem to elevate this film to the quirkiest height of quirkiness it should’ve reached.  However, I wonder If maybe director Zack Bernbaum directed the cast to play their characters with overwhelmingly sedate personalities.  Though maybe the screenplay by Michael Hamilton-Wright was going for the tediousness of day-to-day reality instead of the quick pop and sizzle hyper-reality of a well-crafted commercial.  Whatever the reason, it will be approximately 90 minutes of your life you will never get back, unless you’re into films where a character suddenly pulls out a guitar and everyone is so emotionally moved that you want to hurl.  

Callum Blue just threw-up a little in his mouth!

In conclusion…

My subconscious must have been out to lunch when I felt drawn to AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  However, I suppose it was different, but in a safe, boring way.  So, if  you crave a fun, quirky satire of advertising, with Parker Posey, skip this yawn fest and watch JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (2001) instead! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, possibly harsh, words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  My Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift arrived! 🤓

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Something for you to read while my part of the world plunges into a deep freeze… 

🥶

The blind leading the blind…

Did you know October is Blindness Awareness Month?  Yeah, it was started in 2009 by The Little Rock Foundation in Voorhees, New Jersey.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to shame you if you didn’t know.  Even though I’ve been half-blind for years, I just found out about it this week!  Guess I’ve been too busy to notice an entire month dedicated to me and others on the same sight-unseeing tour.  

REMINDER 

Each person’s lack of vision journey is different, so this post may or may not apply to you or someone you know.

Let me say that losing any amount of vision just plain sucks!  I call myself “half-blind” because I guesstimate half, or maybe less, of my sight remains between my two eyes the color of dung.  What I can see has a haziness about it, like I’m seeing in a dream.  

My left eye only has a sliver of peripheral sight, which has probably kept me from  constantly bumping into walls, people and parked cars.  Yes, I nearly walked into a parked white car and it is amusing, so feel free to chuckle.  

My right eye is my semi-good one.  Most of my remaining sight comes from it, but it’s far from perfect.  Besides the hazy, dream-like quality, there is a grey blob slashing up to my left from just slightly above the center.  This blob is why I have problems recognizing people on sight.  In other words, don’t be offended if, when approaching me, I ask, “Who the hell are you?” 

My Mad Scientist Glasses, which are basically intensely magnified adjustable readers, do not help me read unless the text is really large with a stark contrast.  Even then the process is more akin to deciphering a foreign language than reading.  What my M.S.G. does do is help me see photos, watch television, enjoy films in the theater, and click around the internet.  Mind you, my awesome glasses only help to an extent.  I may see the photo or film better with them on, but I still miss a lot of details.  

Technology has been a tremendous help.  Seriously, I couldn’t have lost a chunk of vision at a better time.  Without my phone and tablet, I would be lost.  They read text to me, including ebooks, but the automated voice requires an adjustment period.  They translate my spoken words to text, though misunderstandings are a common occurrence.  Between my tablet and my Mad Scientist Glasses, I found my way back to writing.  One major test was publishing VISION BENT (half-blind poems) in 2019.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it without help, especially using the library computers, but I succeeded.  If you’re curious to learn more about my vision loss, VISION BENT is available as an ebook and a paperback at an AMAZON near you! 

Now that I got my utterly shameless book plug out of the way, I need to be blunt about something.  Despite what I’ve accomplished since losing a piece of myself in December 2016 and even though I’m thankful for my remaining vision, I still have bad days.  The years have lessened the frequency and severity of my emotional meltdowns, but sometimes being visually impaired really does suck!  I miss driving, especially living in a small town with extremely limited transportation options.  I miss quickly jotting down ideas and notes for stories by hand because I never had to wait for a notebook or pen to switch on or charge up.  I miss reading a book with my eyes, though I found a way to simulate the physical actions.  (Click ANDY MILLIGAN for more on this remarkable sensation)  There are numerous other frustrations that pop up from time to time, but this is my reality and I have to deal with it.

In conclusion, don’t let your lack of vision stop you from living your life.  It may feel like your world is ending, but it is only changing.  The process is a matter of learning new ways to maneuver through this sight-oriented landscape.  It won’t be easy, which is why I recommend talking with your eye doctor, your primary care physician or even a librarian for information on local resources available to you.  With these resources and modern technology, you will hold the tools for getting on with your new blind life. 

Sorry if that made you throw-up a little. 

REMINDER 

A visually impaired or blind person may occasionally need help, but that does not make us helpless.  

That being said, we should not feel embarrassed or apologetic when asking for help. 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  I recently published an ebook version of my second blog serial and i did it all on my tablet in the privacy of my own home, which is a first for me. HAUNTING STURGEONS is available from an AMAZON near you!