Friday, February 8, 2019

Waiting for cookies...

I sit and wait.  

The sweeper sweeps up lunch debris around me.  The relative sits at a different table with cookies he purchased.  Guess he couldn't wait for the free ones he will receive when the birthday boy arrives.  He's the kind of relative who would call someone stupid for ordering cookies while waiting for free ones.  Ask me again why I avoid family gatherings.

The only reason I'm here is for the simple reason that the birthday boy is my dad.  He's taking the vision test at the Department of Motor Vehicles.  Not sure if he will pass.  Not sure if he should. Either way, he will have had over 40 more years of driving than I will experience.  (See the previous post for my last drive, which happened in December 2016 - )

Earlier I ate lunch with my dad, along with 2 of 3 sisters and a couple of other relatives.  Maybe I'm weird, but I would avoid talk of the deceased on an 84 year-old's birthday.  I'm sorry that your brother died last year but could you not remind my dad of death on his birthday?  This shouldn't surprise me.  I was talking about my upcoming great niece or nephew to a relative and she had to bring up her miscarriages.  I'm sorry your babies died a couple of decades ago, but I'm trying to celebrate new life.  Thankfully, my niece lives far enough away to ever be around this relative.  I'm sure she would tell my niece all about it.  It's not like I would bring up my mom's death at a celebration of someone else's mom's birthday.  

Yeah, I will be too busy to attend the next family gathering.  I'll be washing my hair or napping or doing anything else.  Ripping out my fingernails might be less painful. 

I am still sitting and waiting.

I would be online, but the Wi-Fi is misbehaving.  Maybe that's good.  Taking a break from the virtual world.  Decompress.  Though I have my headphones on, my Mad Scientist Glasses focused and my tablet propped up to avoid interaction with physically present people.  At least I'm writing these words.  It's better than engaging in conversation with other humans.  Previous examples should illuminate my reasons.  Though perhaps I'm just anti-social.  Perhaps I'm not anti-social with people I actually want to be around.

More relatives just turned up. 

Is there something fundamentally broken in me that makes me prefer the company of online strangers over people who have known me...or think they've known me...all my life?  To be blunt, ever since my mom passed away, I've felt disconnected from a lot of her relatives.  Felt like a ghost at family functions.  I don't have anything to talk with them about.  I don't have a"real" career.  Believe me, too many moments in the past have proven that this is important to them.  I don't have kids, thank the gods!   So I can't brag endlessly about them.  Even if I did and could, I'd hear about how great their dead kids would have been or something, obviously.  

The birthday boy arrived and SHOCK OF SHOCKS!  My dad passed his test.  The DMV person even took him for a drive and he still passed!  Mind you, they put some restrictions on his license.  No driving out of town, no driving after dark, and no driving when wet.  I made up the last one. 

The cookies should arrive soon.  I suspect they will be oatmeal raisin, but if that's what dad wants, so that's what he gets.  If I have cookies on my next birthday, I'm ordering chocolate chip!

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out,

P.S. For more personal words from a half-blind freak like me...

Friday, February 1, 2019

Last Drive (a half-blind poem)

The following words were cut from VISION BENT at the eleventh hour. 


Last Drive 

I think I knew 
I would never drive again 
Never taste the freedom 
Traveling on my own 
Maybe that's why 
I drove so much  
On that final day 
Sun setting in the west 
A landscape in silhouette 
I was figuring out 
Where to eat 
But I didn't want to stop 
Just stay in the car 
Driving to feel alive 
Even though I saw 
The first sign 
Something was wrong 
Lying to myself 
Calling it a mirage 
Perhaps just tired 
A trick of the eye 
I wanted a little more time 
To imagine the possibilities 
Stretching out before me 
If I continued to drive 


Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

P.S.  For more information on VISION BENT, please visit The JLH Collective...

...or an AMAZON near you...