I want to scream Verbally explode Ejecting my thoughts My feelings Into the atmosphere Fiery and furious Repressing nothing Then I pause Knowing futility I’ve pulled this trigger Too many times Always failing To hit the mark Rage falling Upon deaf ears Or they make excuses Making me feel stupid Feel crazy Feel like my voice Doesn’t matter This time I bite My tongue Almost in half Next time though I’ll set the world Ablaze Calling out Hypocrisy Even if I do so In vain
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2026, John L. Harmon Freak Out, JLH
P.S. poetry can be repetitive, so click the pic for a similarly themed one… ⤵️
~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Poetic Happening is happening soon!
I'll just be hanging with the current Poet Laureate of Nebraska and other creative minds in September.
No biggie😅
That’s how I’ve described the upcoming event in Chadron, Nebraska. I guess I’m bragging, but also downplaying it, like it’s no big deal. It is a big deal though. This opportunity feels like my words are finally gaining a bit of traction since releasing my first ebook in 2013.
Hopefully I won’t screw it up, but I also hope the attention doesn’t go to my head. Becoming an insufferable hoity-toity would not be very becoming.
NOTE TO SELF I must remember The sun shining In my direction At this moment In this place During this time Is fleeting As a smile As a breath As life ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2026, John L. Harmon
Perhaps I’ll see you at Chadron Open Art on Saturday, September 5th in Chadron, Nebraska. It should be an amazing experience!
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. My readings will primarily be focused on VISION BENT (half-blind poems), which means I’ll be talking about my chunk of vision loss.
I was hungry for something different, so I searched eBay for “weird queer movies.” A few titles caught my half-blind eyes, but DINAH EAST intrigued me the most. No, I didn’t immediately order a copy. There was research to be done and when I learned DINAH EAST is considered an early trans film, the choice was a no-brainer. Out of the two versions on DVD, the one with the most spectacular cover ended up in my eBay cart.
The only weird thing about DINAH EAST, in my opinion, is the structure of the film. It all begins with famous film star Dinah East, after an odd exchange between her and her naked adult son, dying from a medical crisis in the back of her limousine. Then a pervy mortician, who is a little too eager as he undresses Dinah’s corpse, discovers the woman of his fantasies was biologically male. The press is called and soon Dinah’s death is overshadowed by her gender nonconforming secret.
It’s here where the life of Dinah East is told through flashbacks as the important people in her life hear of her passing. All the flashbacks are fascinating, but a few stand out for me. In one, we learn how Dinah, dressed in traditionally male attire, shows up at a film studio and is told there are no parts for men. The next day Dinah appears at the studio gate in traditionally female attire, explaining how she is herself now and the day before she was just foolin’. This feels like an extremely progressive view of identity for a decades old film.
Another of my favorite flashbacks is when Dinah meets Daniela, a lesbian fashion designer. It could have been a case of blackmail when Dinah accidentally walks in on Daniela being intimate with a model, but instead, these two women find allies in each other. Throughout the rest of Dinah’s career, Daniela is in charge of her wardrobe, even winning an Academy award. Finding friends and allies outside and within the LGBTQ+ community seems like a newer concept, but this film shows how it’s always been important to cultivate such relationships.
My favorite flashback involves Dinah’s chauffeur Tank Swenson. Tank is a hunky boxing instructor for the film studio and he catches Dinah’s eye. She also catches Tank’s eye and soon they are involved in a wonderfully sweet courtship. Even when his boxing career ends and he becomes her chauffeur, their love for each other remains true. Honestly, this flashback brought a few happy tears to my eyes, especially when Tank tells Dinah it doesn’t matter if she’s a man or a woman as long as she loves him. This romance feels beyond progressive. Maybe groundbreaking would be the word if DINAH EAST had not become so seemingly obscure.
I was expecting DINAH EAST to be a wham-bam production like MYRA BRECKINRIDGE, but writer/director Gene Nash keeps the pacing and acting low-key. The most remarkable aspect is how the script is sympathetic to Dinah East. She is who she is, with no apologies, even when facing personal attacks. As for the acting, the range varies from person to person. In my opinion, there are three to watch. Jeremy Stockwell brings strength and sincerity to Dinah. Matt Bennett makes Tank a lovable goofball with surprising depth. With a name like Ultra Violet, you’d think Daniela would be bold and flashy, but UV gives the fashion designer a down-to-earth vulnerability.
When researching DINAH EAST, I stumbled upon some juicy Hollywood gossip and a star-studded urban legend! Legendary sex-positive icon Mae West allegedly filed a lawsuit against the filmmakers and tried to have all prints of DINAH EAST destroyed, supposedly explaining how the film fell into obscurity. If Mae West actually took such action, the question would be, “Why?” Well, according to one of several urban legends surrounding her, the fabulous Mae West was, allegedly, a man in female drag and she saw DINAH EAST as a personal attack. Honestly, if I hadn’t read this before watching the film, I wouldn’t have connected West with East. The only time Dinah reminded me of Mae was maybe in how she was dressed in one scene.
In conclusion… DINAH EAST may not have been what I expected, but it was just what I needed. A dramatically touching story of someone who, in today’s language, would be considered a trans woman. While her death in the film is tragic, the character of Dinah East is not. She lived her life on her terms, with strength and kindness. We could all learn a lesson from Dinah. So if you are in the mood for an obscure 1970’s LGBTQ+ film about the complexities of being human, then keep an eye out for DINAH EAST.
NOTE: According to IMDB, DINAH EAST is available to stream through IndiePix Unlimited and Fawesome, the latter being similar to Tubi.
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. click a pic for related posts… ⤵️
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stay Tuned for more about this upcoming event! ⤵️
A fresh, young couple take a trip and end up having car problems in a quaint, small town. The inhabitants of this quaint, small town seem odd, yet nice enough, but maybe they simply want to have outsiders over as dinner. Will the fresh, young couple escape or wind up as leftovers?
Tragically, it’s not 1970s horror porn!
I couldn’t resist ordering CANNIBAL GIRLS from Vinegar Syndrome, partly because of the fun title, but mostly for the two leads. I mean, the fresh, young couple are portrayed by Eugene Levy (Schitt‘s Creek) and Andrea Martin (Black Christmas), both of SCTV fame. Then throw in Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters) as the director and CANNIBAL GIRLS should have been a tasty treat.
Miss Manners does not approve!
Should being the operative word.
I found CANNIBAL GIRLS to be unbearably slow, with little suspense or humor. Should I blame director Ivan Reitman? Should I blame screenplay writer Robert Sandler? (I can’t in good conscience blame Mr. Sandler since IMDb credits him as writing a handful of episodes of the original Fraggle Rock.) Maybe I should just blame the cast because, according to IMDB, most of the dialogue was…shudder…improvised.
Me watching improv.
In conclusion… The most interesting thing about CANNIBAL GIRLS is Eugene Levy’s hair.
The new Jan Brady!
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. click the Cannibal Daddy pic for more cannibals… 👇
I was loitering at the library, examining a few small stacks of books that had yet to be placed back on the shelves. A few mildly interested me as I sifted through the books, but then, at the bottom of one stack, a cover caught my attention. Even though I was not wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I could see the soft colors of a sunset and the transparent figure shimmering with the sun reflecting off the body of water. To add to the picture, a young person stood, gazing into the sunset, while appearing to hold hands with the transparent figure. I was already going to borrow the book, because the imagery made me feel a longing sadness, but the emotionally devastating title sealed the deal.
ERASE ME is about a young man with a lot of problems named Elias Pew. On top of having church furniture for a last name, Eli has ADHD, was in a car crash and has lost two months of memory, along with the ability to feel emotions. Through his morally debatable experiments to try to feel something again, Eli finds himself in Traumaland. This business, yes, business, is a place where people can watch traumatic events through Virtual Reality goggles, all supposedly performed by actors. Eli believes this until he recognizes a face or two in one of the many events to choose from. This startling realization sends Eli on a journey of identity and how our memories make us who we are. Eli also faces a forgotten love of a lost young man. Not knowing anything about the story going in, this made me wonder if I felt queer vibes echoing within the emotionally layered cover and title.
As much as I enjoyed ERASE ME by Josh Silver, I also found the story uncomfortably familiar in some parts. There are several scenes of Eli in a mental institute, which is not so different from me at the age of 15. Long story short, I was really messed up back then, mainly suffering from such low self-esteem that I should call it no self-esteem. This landed me in a mental institution. I’ll spare you the trauma of being committed for another day because I’d rather focus on a young man I connected with behind the sterile walls.
His name was Mark and he was a year or two older than me. I wish I had a photo of him, but I remember Mark looking like an American football player, and I think he was on his school’s team, but he wasn’t a stereotypical big sack of duh. He seemed intelligent and thoughtful. I recall one corner of his mouth raising as he spoke, which a group therapy therapist said the mannerism made Mark appear insincere. I found it endearing,
Mark and I were in different wards, but shared group therapy at least once a week. On one day, the therapist zeroed in on me. He explained how I should deepen my voice and cuss more to fit in. That quack was just one more in a long mixed line of adults and peers telling me nobody will like me if I am myself.
Before I could respond, a female patient pointed out that I didn’t “talk like this” and proceeded to do a stereotypical effeminate male voice, including flamboyant hand gestures. The other patients laughed and so did I because in her own, possibly misguided way, she was defending me. Then, after the laughter died, Mark, who was sitting beside me, expressed admiration for my ability to be myself even when pressured to be someone else.
Looking back, I don’t know if he was talking in code, but it was the first time I had been seen and felt accepted by someone close to my age. I hope I did the same for Mark, but I’ll never know. Being in different wards, our interactions were few and far between. I did get to say goodbye to Mark the day before my release and I had hoped to acquire his address so I could write to him, but he said his parents wouldn’t approve. Over the years, I have conducted online searches for Mark, but he seems to be just a bright, shining moment in my memories during a most traumatic time.
In conclusion… I swear YA books are better than books for allegedly more mature readers. YA books tend to be more daring and author Josh Silver dares to send readers down a dark rabbit hole of mental illness, memories and pain. As I said, I enjoyed ERASE ME, but found aspects of the story hitting close to hone. So, if you want to celebrate 🏳️🌈Pride Month🏳️⚧️ in an emotionally challenging way, ERASE ME by Josh Silver may be the book for you!
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. ERASE ME was originally published as TRAUMALAND in the UK and Europe in 2025. I don’t think I would’ve been quite as drawn to its original cover or title.
~~~~~~~~~~~ Other queer books for Pride Month are available from an Amazon near you… 🏳️🌈 📚
My sister noticed this film listed on HBO and read the synopsis to me. Much like FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET on TCM back in 2020, I knew I had to watch PILLION! It didn’t hurt that one of its stars is Alexander Skarsgård, and he might be at his sexiest here.
Colin is a young Englishman who lives with his father and cancer-ridden mother. On a blind date at a pub set up by his mother, Colin spots a tall drink of biker leather named Ray. After paying for Ray’s snacks while getting another round for his blind date, Colin suddenly has a date for Christmas Day, or night, rather. This first festive back-alley holiday date includes Colin being ordered to literally lick one of Ray’s boots and then to stay on his knees to satisfy the biker’s Christmas wish. Who says romance is dead?
This first date wakes up a submissive kink in Colin and he eventually begins living with Ray. This arrangement includes Colin fixing all the meals, sleeping on a rug on the floor at the end of Ray’s bed, having his head shaved and being one of the naked offerings at a biker potluck picnic. One reward for behaving like a good little submissive is a wrestling sex session, which is more about Ray’s physical pleasure than Colin’s. Is it now obvious why I had to watch this sometimes twisted film?
After a personal tragedy, Colin begins wanting an emotional connection. In an act of compassion or sympathy, Ray allows Colin to share his bed. This seeming softness is short-lived and soon it’s back to the rug. Disappointed, Colin works up the nerve to request a day off where they act like two people in an equal, loving relationship, but will Ray give-in or will Colin have to remain a 24/7 submissive?
Harry Melling, grandson of the 2nd Doctor Who Patrick Troughton, brings a sympathetic innocence to Colin even as he engages in very non-innocent activities. Alexander Skarsgård, brother of Pennywise Bill Skarsgård, infuses Ray with intense sexual magnetism and a believable demanding attitude. The rest of the cast is great, but top honors must go to Lesley Sharp as Colin’s mother Peggy. She is full on believable as a loving parent who is also understandably concerned about her son’s new relationship, even as she is dying. The scene where Ray joins Colin’s parents for a meal is priceless in its mixture of humor and pain.
Writer/directer Harry Lighton balances both pain and humor with brilliant results. There were times I found myself chuckling, but I wasn’t sure it was supposed to be funny. Then again, how could the wrestling scene not be funny with Tiffany’s cover of “I Think We’re Alone Now” playing front and center? I became so curious if the source material for PILLION, the book “Box Hill: A Story of Low Self-Esteem” by Adam Mars-Jones, is also equal parts humorous and painful that I ordered a copy. As if I don’t have enough to read!
I confess that I don’t fully understand this type of arrangement. I mean, I can wrap my head around paying someone for a weekend of being a dom or a sub, but a full-time relationship boggles my mind a bit. However, if the participants are willing adults who completely understand what is expected, then embrace your kink and go for it.
In conclusion…
I enjoyed PILLION because the characters felt realistically written and performed. Plus, it is truly a unique kind of love story. So, if you’re looking for a different way to celebrate 🏳️🌈Pride Month🏳️⚧️, grab a lock or a key and get kinky with PILLION!
SIDE NOTE: According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of pillion is “a motorcycle or bicycle saddle for a passenger.”
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. The character of Ray gave off a vibe that reminded me of the Wendy’s man I blogged about earlier this year. Click the pic for more about him…👇
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Celebrate 🏳️🌈Pride Month🏳️⚧️ with my queer books available in various formats from Amazon… 📚
Speaking in front of an audience of more than 3 people wasn’t as difficult as I imagined. I didn’t wear my Mad Scientist Glasses, which I regret after seeing the photos, so not being able to clearly see the watching faces helped me relax. Wearing my power colors, orange & purple, gave me some emotional strength. Mainly though, I took a breath and was just myself. Perhaps a little too much myself.
Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library
When asked if we write with our audience in mind, I answered, “I totally write for myself and then hope other freaks like me will find and understand my words.” Then, when asked how we deal with reviews, I admitted I take good reviews with a grain of salt because I wonder if the reviewer actually read my book. As for negative reviews, I explained how disappointed I was when a reader left a 1-star rating for DARKENING STURGEONS but failed to leave a review explaining what they didn’t like about my ebook. I mentioned how I wanted to use a bad review as advertisement because I am more likely to read a book that is hated. I also bragged how two local readers stopped talking to me after reading my books, which meant my words got a reaction and that made me feel proud. The moral of my lengthy answer was turn negative reviews into positive ones.
Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library
My answers might be why only 2 new readers dared to approach my table after the panel. Thankfully, 2 return readers came back for more. Plus, it was very nice when a couple of my emotional support humans swung by and said hi.
I regret not having someone take a photo of me with my books.
One of the new readers picked up DARK EXCURSIONS for herself, after a return reader recommended it, and VISION BENT for someone else. The new reader, who shared a first name with my grandmother, explained she was buying VISION BENT for a friend who is dealing with a health scare involving the eyes. This made the night for me. I may not have wrote VISION BENT as an inspirational book, but it feels good to imagine my half-blind words helping someone find comfort or strength when dealing with vision loss.
Another good experience from the event is when I first entered the room. One of the other authors, whom I had never met, said he had something for me. This seriously intrigued me and I was not disappointed. He was asked to pass a flyer along to me from a writer in Chadron, Nebraska. The flyer is for an upcoming Pride event, which I’m definitely interested in. As of this writing, I offered a signed set of my queer books for a raffle/auction. Hopefully, I’ll figure out a way to get more involved. This is when I wish Nebraska had a regular train or bus system that traveled all over the state.
In conclusion… It’s a good thing to put yourself out there, even if the audience is predominately not for you.
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. Pride Month is literally around the corner, so pick up my queer books at an Amazon near you! 🏳️🌈 📚
Where is the word I seek In the sky In the breeze Lost at sea In the gutter Buried in grime Dirt upon dirt No reason No rhyme I ask The Word Man To find one for me He opens his coat Displaying his wares Letters upon letters Forming this and that Adjectives Nouns Verbs Of all shapes and sizes Even a ten cent word or two But which is for me I plead Desperately hungry For something Simply complex Or complexly simple To describe me Define me Make me feel like me Make them understand The me they see And the me they don’t One word Just one Is all I ask The Word Man smiles A bemused smile Offering up the letters Three in all Y-O-U And it’s the only word I can truly be ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2026, John L. Harmon
SIDE NOTE: Potentially apropos of nothing, I wrote these words after watching THE BRIDE! (2026), which I was unsure about at first, but ended up very much enjoying.
Freak Out, JLH ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My queer words are available from an Amazon near you! 🏳️🌈 📚
Praise be to Severin Films for finding and releasing two of Andy Milligan’s lost films! Believe you me, I was freaking out over this discovery and was constantly checking Severin so I could pre-order ASAP! It was a rare Friday off for me and I just got home from a sloppy joe lunch with my sister. I immediately checked and BAM, there was my dream come true! “This is really happening!” I chanted to my cats as I placed my order, only half-aware I was quoting ROSEMARY’S BABY.
You can imagine how over the moon I was when my order arrived. I watched the two lost films right away and the other films over the weekend. To be honest, I was under the weather for my initial viewings, so subsequent viewings were required, as if I needed an excuse for rewatching!
I was originally planning on doing one post covering all of “GUTTER AUTEUR” The Lost Legacy of Andy Milligan, but I ended up writing a longer review for THE DEGENERATES than I expected. In other words, the following review is just the first in a potential series of reviews…
THE DEGENERATES (1967)
My first thought on my initial viewing was, This movie is daring viewers to hate it. It was loud with screeching performances and was sometimes hard to follow, especially keeping track of which character was which. In other words, THE DEGENERATES was an Andy Milligan film through and through, and I enjoyed it even if I was confused. My confusion may have been due to being ill at the time.
Frank, Jim and GoGo on the go.
THE DEGENERATES is Andy Milligan’s post-apocalyptic, sci-fi epic! Well, sort of. After an offscreen nuclear war has decimated the world, three men (Jim, Frank and GoGo) are sent out to find other survivors. The trio stumble upon a house of women named after flowers or flowering plants. Violet may physically look like a slim bit of nothing with a cute pixie cut bob, but she is in charge and rules with an iron fist. Rose exudes a sweet, understanding motherly vibe. Iris and Daisy are ready to find out what they’ve been missing when the men arrive. Lily is young, sweet and innocent and always wears a hairband. Ivy, the youngest, lives away from her sisters, having lost her mind when she saw their father burn to death in the family car.
What does Ivy know?
Jim has an injured leg and Violet agrees to let the men stay for a couple of days. She assigns Iris to take care of Jim, who gets the luxury of a bedroom, and orders Frank and GoGo to sleep in the shed. Iris and Jim begin forming a bond, while Daisy sneaks out to spend time with GoGo, no matter how ridiculous his name is. Meanwhile, Frank is out to claim innocent Lily for himself. All of this sex ignites a boiling rage in Violet as she believes her sisters are slipping away from her and she will be left alone. Violence soon erupts, with death not far behind. It’s interesting to note that Milligan did not use “swirl camera” to represent chaos in THE DEGENERATES, which makes for a more visceral viewing, in my opinion.
Violet prepares to punish Daisy.
Will Violet’s love and rage go too far? Will Lily be saved from Frank’s manipulative ways? Will Ivy speak the truth about their father’s death? Will Daisy & GoGo and Iris & Jim live happily ever after in a post-apocalyptic world? Well, this is an Andy Milligan film, so the odds are stacked against them.
Iris and Jim are happy for a moment.
The bombastic visuals and dialogue that had bombarded me at first became a filmic drug with my second viewing of THE DEGENERATES. I was able to follow everything going on and was mesmerized. I couldn’t take my half-blind eyes off the screen as Violet descends into absolute madness. Played to severe perfection by Bryarly Lee, who also starred in the still lost Milligan film THE NAKED WITCH, Violet seems to be an unstoppable force. Then there is Hope Stansbury, who wrote Milligan’s first film VAPORS and starred as Dracula’s daughter in BLOOD. In THE DEGENERATES, Hope plays youngest sister Ivy, the one who lives apart from the others. Hope gives the mostly silent Ivy a soul and finds her strength when she finally speaks a long-held secret. The rest of the cast gives it their all, but this film belongs to Bryarly Lee and Hope Stansbury.
Violet demands to be loved!
THE DEGENERATES was written by friends and sometimes lovers, Gerald Jacuzzo and Andy Milligan. They were definitely on the same page because it all feels like Milligan or maybe that’s because of his directorial style. One moment that definitely came from Andy is the crucifixion scene. One character’s right hand is nailed to a wall while the other hand is pinned using a pitchfork, which is a Milligan trademark instrument of torture.
Violet pitchforks Frank.
Speaking of torture (not his acting), writer Gerald Jacuzzo also appeared in some of Andy’s films, most memorably TORTURE DUNGEON, which I have shamefully not reviewed…yet! He was also in VAPORS and appears briefly in the other recently found lost Milligan film, KISS ME, KISS ME, KISS ME! (1968) and is easily one of the best actors Andy utilized.
In conclusion… Despite my confusing but enjoyable first viewing, THE DEGENERATES is quickly rising up the ranks in my favorite Andy Milligan films. It won’t bump FLESHPOT, NIGHTBIRDS or SEEDS from the top spots, but it is giving other favorites a run for their low-budget money! If you haven’t experienced an Andy Milligan film, don’t start here. I recommend beginning with GURU THE MAD MONK and branching out from there. However, if you’re a burgeoning fan or a maladjusted, obsessive Milligan freak like me, THE DEGENERATES must be seen!
My obsession is now a fashion statement!
Freak Out, JLH
P.S. Click TRICKS OF THE TRADE for a look at the script for another one of Andy Milligan’s lost films! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My books are tragically nothing like a Milligan film, but you can still find a degenerate character or two within their pages.
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