I was loitering at the library, examining a few small stacks of books that had yet to be placed back on the shelves. A few mildly interested me as I sifted through the books, but then, at the bottom of one stack, a cover caught my attention. Even though I was not wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I could see the soft colors of a sunset and the transparent figure shimmering with the sun reflecting off the body of water. To add to the picture, a young person stood, gazing into the sunset, while appearing to hold hands with the transparent figure. I was already going to borrow the book, because the imagery made me feel a longing sadness, but the emotionally devastating title sealed the deal. 
ERASE ME is about a young man with a lot of problems named Elias Pew. On top of having church furniture for a last name, Eli has ADHD, was in a car crash and has lost two months of memory, along with the ability to feel emotions. Through his morally debatable experiments to try to feel something again, Eli finds himself in Traumaland. This business, yes, business, is a place where people can watch traumatic events through Virtual Reality goggles, all supposedly performed by actors. Eli believes this until he recognizes a face or two in one of the many events to choose from. This startling realization sends Eli on a journey of identity and how our memories make us who we are. Eli also faces a forgotten love of a lost young man. Not knowing anything about the story going in, this made me wonder if I felt queer vibes echoing within the emotionally layered cover and title.
As much as I enjoyed ERASE ME by Josh Silver, I also found the story uncomfortably familiar in some parts. There are several scenes of Eli in a mental institute, which is not so different from me at the age of 15. Long story short, I was really messed up back then, mainly suffering from such low self-esteem that I should call it no self-esteem. This landed me in a mental institution. I’ll spare you the trauma of being committed for another day because I’d rather focus on a young man I connected with behind the sterile walls.
His name was Mark and he was a year or two older than me. I wish I had a photo of him, but I remember Mark looking like an American football player, and I think he was on his school’s team, but he wasn’t a stereotypical big sack of duh. He seemed intelligent and thoughtful. I recall one corner of his mouth raising as he spoke, which a group therapy therapist said the mannerism made Mark appear insincere. I found it endearing,
Mark and I were in different wards, but shared group therapy at least once a week. On one day, the therapist zeroed in on me. He explained how I should deepen my voice and cuss more to fit in. That quack was just one more in a long mixed line of adults and peers telling me nobody will like me if I am myself.
Before I could respond, a female patient pointed out that I didn’t “talk like this” and proceeded to do a stereotypical effeminate male voice, including flamboyant hand gestures. The other patients laughed and so did I because in her own, possibly misguided way, she was defending me. Then, after the laughter died, Mark, who was sitting beside me, expressed admiration for my ability to be myself even when pressured to be someone else.
Looking back, I don’t know if he was talking in code, but it was the first time I had been seen and felt accepted by someone close to my age. I hope I did the same for Mark, but I’ll never know. Being in different wards, our interactions were few and far between. I did get to say goodbye to Mark the day before my release and I had hoped to acquire his address so I could write to him, but he said his parents wouldn’t approve. Over the years, I have conducted online searches for Mark, but he seems to be just a bright, shining moment in my memories during a most traumatic time.
In conclusion…
I swear YA books are better than books for allegedly more mature readers. YA books tend to be more daring and author Josh Silver dares to send readers down a dark rabbit hole of mental illness, memories and pain. As I said, I enjoyed ERASE ME, but found aspects of the story hitting close to hone. So, if you want to celebrate 🏳️🌈Pride Month🏳️⚧️ in an emotionally challenging way, ERASE ME by Josh Silver may be the book for you!
Freak Out,
JLH
P.S. ERASE ME was originally published as TRAUMALAND in the UK and Europe in 2025. I don’t think I would’ve been quite as drawn to its original cover or title.
Other queer books for Pride Month are available from an Amazon near you…
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