booking freakboy: ERASE ME by Josh Silver (2026)

I was loitering at the library, examining a few small stacks of books that had yet to be placed back on the shelves.  A few mildly interested me as I sifted through the books, but then, at the bottom of one stack, a cover caught my attention.  Even though I was not wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I could see the soft colors of a sunset and the transparent figure shimmering with the sun reflecting off the body of water.  To add to the picture, a young person stood, gazing into the sunset, while appearing to hold hands with the transparent figure.  I was already going to borrow the book, because the imagery made me feel a longing sadness, but the emotionally devastating title sealed the deal.  

ERASE ME is about a young man with a lot of problems named Elias Pew.  On top of having church furniture for a last name, Eli has ADHD, was in a car crash and has lost two months of memory, along with the ability to feel emotions.  Through his morally debatable experiments to try to feel something again, Eli finds himself in Traumaland.  This business, yes, business, is a place where people can watch traumatic events through Virtual Reality goggles, all supposedly performed by actors.  Eli believes this until he recognizes a face or two in one of the many events to choose from.  This startling realization sends Eli on a journey of identity and how our memories make us who we are.  Eli also faces a forgotten love of a lost young man.  Not knowing anything about the story going in, this made me wonder if I felt queer vibes echoing within the emotionally layered cover and title. 

As much as I enjoyed ERASE ME by Josh Silver, I also found the story uncomfortably familiar in some parts.  There are several scenes of Eli in a mental institute, which is not so different from me at the age of 15.  Long story short, I was really messed up back then, mainly suffering from such low self-esteem that I should call it no self-esteem.  This landed me in a mental institution.  I’ll spare you the trauma of being committed for another day because I’d rather focus on a young man I connected with behind the sterile walls. 

His name was Mark and he was a year or two older than me.  I wish I had a photo of him, but I remember Mark looking like an American football player, and I think he was on his school’s team, but he wasn’t a stereotypical big sack of duh.  He seemed intelligent and thoughtful.  I recall one corner of his mouth raising as he spoke, which a group therapy therapist said the mannerism made Mark appear insincere.  I found it endearing, 

Mark and I were in different wards, but shared group therapy at least once a week.  On one day, the therapist zeroed in on me.  He explained how I should deepen my voice and cuss more to fit in.  That quack was just one more in a long mixed line of adults and peers telling me nobody will like me if I am myself.  

Before I could respond, a female patient pointed out that I didn’t “talk like this” and proceeded to do a stereotypical effeminate male voice, including flamboyant hand gestures.  The other patients laughed and so did I because in her own, possibly misguided way, she was defending me.  Then, after the laughter died, Mark, who was sitting beside me, expressed admiration for my ability to be myself even when pressured to be someone else.  

Looking back, I don’t know if he was talking in code, but it was the first time I had been seen and felt accepted by someone close to my age.  I hope I did the same for Mark, but I’ll never know.  Being in different wards, our interactions were few and far between.  I did get to say goodbye to Mark the day before my release and I had hoped to acquire his address so I could write to him, but he said his parents wouldn’t approve.  Over the years, I have conducted online searches for Mark, but he seems to be just a bright, shining moment in my memories during a most traumatic time. 

In conclusion…
I swear YA books are better than books for allegedly more mature readers.  YA books tend to be more daring and author Josh Silver dares to send readers down a dark rabbit hole of mental illness, memories and pain.  As I said, I enjoyed ERASE ME, but found aspects of the story hitting close to hone.  So, if you want to celebrate 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month🏳️‍⚧️ in an emotionally challenging way, ERASE ME by Josh Silver may be the book for you! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  ERASE ME was originally published as TRAUMALAND in the UK and Europe in 2025.  I don’t think I would’ve been quite as drawn to its original cover or title.

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Other queer books for Pride Month are available from an Amazon near you…
🏳️‍🌈
📚 

I survived the library author event!

Speaking in front of an audience of more than 3 people wasn’t as difficult as I imagined.  I didn’t wear my Mad Scientist Glasses, which I regret after seeing the photos, so not being able to clearly see the watching faces helped me relax.  Wearing my power colors, orange & purple, gave me some emotional strength.  Mainly though, I took a breath and was just myself.  Perhaps a little too much myself.

Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library

When asked if we write with our audience in mind, I answered, “I totally write for myself and then hope other freaks like me will find and understand my words.”  Then, when asked how we deal with reviews, I admitted I take good reviews with a grain of salt because I wonder if the reviewer actually read my book.  As for negative reviews, I explained how disappointed I was when a reader left a 1-star rating for DARKENING STURGEONS but failed to leave a review explaining what they didn’t like about my ebook.  I mentioned how I wanted to use a bad review as advertisement because I am more likely to read a book that is hated.  I also bragged how two local readers stopped talking to me after reading my books, which meant my words got a reaction and that made me feel proud.  The moral of my lengthy answer was turn negative reviews into positive ones. 

Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library

My answers might be why only 2 new readers dared to approach my table after the panel.  Thankfully, 2 return readers came back for more.  Plus, it was very nice when a couple of my emotional support humans swung by and said hi.

I regret not having someone take a photo of me with my books.

One of the new readers picked up DARK EXCURSIONS for herself, after a return reader recommended it, and VISION BENT for someone else.  The new reader, who shared a first name with my grandmother, explained she was buying VISION BENT for a friend who is dealing with a health scare involving the eyes.  This made the night for me.  I may not have wrote VISION BENT as an inspirational book, but it feels good to imagine my half-blind words helping someone find comfort or strength when dealing with vision loss. 

Another good experience from the event is when I first entered the room.  One of the other authors, whom I had never met, said he had something for me.  This seriously intrigued me and I was not disappointed.  He was asked to pass a flyer along to me from a writer in Chadron, Nebraska.  The flyer is for an upcoming Pride event, which I’m definitely interested in.  As of this writing, I offered a signed set of my queer books for a raffle/auction.  Hopefully, I’ll figure out a way to get more involved.  This is when I wish Nebraska had a regular train or bus system that traveled all over the state. 

In conclusion…
It’s a good thing to put yourself out there, even if the audience is predominately not for you. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Pride Month is literally around the corner, so pick up my queer books at an Amazon near you! 
🏳️‍🌈
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Meet the Authors! Book Signing Event at the Broken Bow (Nebraska) Public Library!

If you find yourself in Broken Bow, Nebraska on Wednesday, May 20th, 2026, swing by the Broken Bow Public Library to meet some local authors! ✍️ 

There will be Prizes, Refreshments and a chance to add some great (autographed) Books to your collection! 📚 

See you there!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  A little more about my books…

No time for blogging…

Shouldn’t he be reviewing another STAR WARS film right about now?  Where is a new poem, of sorts?  Why hasn’t he obsessively blogged about Andy Milligan lately? 

I hope these are the prevalent questions in your mind, but don’t freak out!  They will all happen, sooner or later.  I’ve just been busy lately.  I mean, STURGEONS (the complete serials) won’t plug itself.  Well, maybe it can with a few fantastic reader photos! 📗 😍

Feline Approved!

Then I have a book signing event approaching like a noose slowly tightening around my throat.  It’s more of a meet & greet situation where readers will approach me, grab a cookie and (hopefully) pick up an autographed copy of STURGEONS.  I’m not sure if anyone will turn up, but I hope so.  I mean, the article in the Custer County Chief should draw out a few curious folk or at least Ms. Minch! 

Kim, a groovy librarian, designed this awesome flyer!

Yes, I was interviewed for the local paper.   Managing Editor Mona Weatherly wrote a great article about STURGEONS, my vision loss and my writing in general.  The headline, Author fights to get back to writing ‘fun, quirky’ stories is newspaper perfection!  Here are the photos which appeared on a different page than the article.  The purple one is my Amazon Author Page pic and the orange one was taken by Mona.  She said I looked like a proud author, but I said I looked positively goofy, as usual.  

Courtesy Custer County Chief 

To top it all off, I no longer deliver bad news 🗞️ around town.  It was time for that part of my life to end and I definitely won’t miss it this winter. ❄️  My predicted post-Covid 19 career of peddling my wares at a truck stop never manifested, but I am getting wet at a local diner instead.  Yes, I am now a visually impaired dishwasher 🍽️ by day and a queer indie author ✏️ by night!  

I saw the sign!  Well, my sister saw it and told me about it.

Plus, thanks to Vinegar Syndrome and AGFA, I just started digging into the films of Jon Moritsugu.  From what I’ve experienced so far, his very DIY/experimental films are like Gregg Araki and David Lynch had an allegedly nihilistic, pseudo-intellectual punk rock baby.  In other words, this box set is going to take a bit and challenge me along the way. 

Well, until I blog about whether my book event is a pop 👍 or a flop 👎, thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Here is the first review of STURGEONS on Goodreads…

freakboy on film: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

Written & Directed by George Lucas

Here we are drowning in the 2 hr 20 min final episode of the STAR WARS Prequel Trilogy.  The Clone Wars continue to rage on.  Chancellor Palpatine continues his grab for absolute power.  Anakin Skywalker continues his Dark Side slide towards becoming (SPOILER ALERT) Darth Vader.  Does it all need to be this long?  Not really, but certain events must happen before the viewer can move on to a far, far superior episode and trilogy from a long time ago. 

Mace Windu has the coolest lightsaber in the galaxy

With the exceptions of Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu, Frank Oz as Yoda and Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, the viewer must suffer through some of the worst acting in any of the trilogies to get to these events.  Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker seems to either read or shout his lines from cue cards, depending on what emotion is allegedly being conveyed.  Meanwhile, the fiery strength of Padmé Amidala has been dowsed with endless tears, but I blame the “character development” more than Natalie Portman.  Ian McDiarmid’s subtle-evil performance as soon-to-be Emperor Palpatine in MENACE and CLONES is thrown out for camp in Episode III.  Plus, is Palpatine going through some sort of Sith puberty?  His voice is all over the place, even before his lightsaber duel with Mace Windu, but I don’t know if this was an acting choice or a director’s questionable direction.  Then there is the one actor I haven’t directly addressed in the Prequel Trilogy. 

Not Sir Alec Guinness

Don’t get me wrong, I like Ewan McGregor and he’s got talent, but that spark isn’t on display in any of the STAR WARS films.  However, his ok, but far from great, performance may not be all his fault.  I mean, you can only do so much with whatever George Lucas was passing off as dialogue and Ewan had some brilliant shoes to fill.  Alec Guinness shines bright and steals every one of his scenes in A NEW HOPE, so it’s hard to believe the Obi-Wan Kenobi we meet in the prequels will age into the Original Trilogy Ben Kenobi.   Perhaps Lucas should’ve cast an unknown instead of Ewan McGregor, though no one could’ve really compared with the late Sir Alec Guinness. 

Also not Sir Alec Guinness

Speaking of the Original Trilogy, did George Lucas bother rewatching it before writing these prequels?  In A NEW HOPE, Obi-Wan’s discussion about Anakin with Luke Skywalker is now highly debatable with everything the Prequel Trilogy shows us.  I guess Obi-Wan mostly wasn’t lying to Luke, from a certain point of view, a concept slammed hard into our heads in REVENGE OF THE SITH in order to cover inconsistencies.  Not that it excuses or explains the most painfully glaring continuity error between these two trilogies.  

(SPOILERS ALERT) 

In a questionably acted scene in RETURN OF THE JEDI, Luke Skywalker, who doesn’t remember his mother, asks Leia Organa if she remembers her real mother.  Never mind there was never even a hint of Leia being adopted in Episodes IV & V, but that’s a complaint for another review.  Anyway, Leia claims she recalls only images and feelings of her mother being beautiful, kind, but sad.  Well, maybe Leia’s mom was sad because it’s not really a joy being a beautiful, kind corpse!  Near the end of REVENGE OF THE SITH, Padmé Amidala gives birth to Luke, gives birth to Leia and then promptly dies, presumably because Anakin turning to the Dark Side broke her heart.  So, did Padmé really die or is Leia lying or just absolutely bonkers?  No way did Baby Leia imprint on Padmé if Baby Luke, who was born first, didn’t.  Maybe a young Leia growing up on Alderaan unknowingly tapped into her innate Jedi powers and saw Padmé’s ghost.  Am I stretching for an answer other than blatantly bad and/or lazy writing? 

Beautiful, kind, sad and confused

Ok, fine, so as not to make this a total bitch-fest, I will give SITH a couple of things.  The return of Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca and James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader creates a nerd nirvana bubble.  Second, the scenes of the Jedi Knights being executed are heart-wrenching, seriously dark and powerfully scored by composer John Williams.  I hesitate to say these moments are the best part of the film, especially since Anakin personally executes a classroom of young Jedi-in-training, but they are memorable scenes in their horrifically tragic outcomes.

Did someone call for a babysitter?

In conclusion…
I once thought Episode III was the best in the Prequel Trilogy, but now I think the opposite.  The threadbare plot feels rushed in an attempt to finally try to hit important future pivotal moments.  The acting is generally atrocious and I’ve heard better dialogue in daytime soap operas.  In other words, THE PHANTOM MENACE may bore you to tears, but REVENGE OF THE SITH will inflict seriously cringing pain if you really think about it.  Search your feelings, you know it to be true.  At least you can watch with the knowledge that a legitimately good STAR WARS film is next in the chronological line.  I’m talking about A NEW HOPE, not SOLO or ROGUE ONE.
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ for the review of my favorite prequel… 

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Have you visited STURGEONS? 

freakboy on film: ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002)

If I have a “favorite” in the STAR WARS Prequel Trilogy, it might…maybe…could be Episode II.  While still far, far below EpisodesIV & V, ATTACK OF THE CLONES has its moments.  These admittedly few and far between moments nearly…almost…come close to capturing a spark or two of the Original Trilogy.  

Directed by George Lucas / screenplay by George Lucas and Jonathan Hales 

As for the film, it’s 10 years later from what little happened in THE PHANTOM MENACE.  Padmé Amidala is now a Senator in the Republic and has come a long way from being an uncertain young queen.  She’s tougher and more determined, which is probably one of the reasons someone is trying to assassinate her.  

In a plot twist even non-Jedis will see coming, a now grown up Anakin Skywalker has been assigned to protect her.  Off they go to Padmé’s home planet to frolic and fall in love or something.  Meanwhile, Obi-Wan Kenobi is off to investigate who is behind the assassination attempt.  He uncovers a plot about clones and a robot army.  All of this leads to Count Dooku, a certain plan for a planet destroying space station and the infamous Clone Wars. 

The reasons I feel ATTACK OF THE CLONES almost captures the vibe of the Original Trilogy comes down to a few characters and moments.  Natalie Portman embraces the fierce strength in Padmé.  The character doesn’t always need a Jedi to save her and the actor seems to be fully enjoying herself this time around.  Maybe this is why viewers can actually believe Padmé Amidala will be the future mom of Luke and Leia. 

The mother of the future!

Eat your heart out, Lord Voldemort!

Then there is Christopher Lee as Count Dooku!  This classic British actor immediately elevates Episode II.  Plus, his presence conjures up the appearance of fellow Hammer actor Peter Cushing in A NEW HOPE.  However, it is Count Dooku’s lightsaber fight with Yoda that steals the film, if not the entire Prequel Trilogy!  The duel is suspenseful, fun and doesn’t drag on like so many other scenes.  Plus, it’s great to see why Yoda is truly THE Jedi Master. 

It’s not the size of a Jedi that matters… 

It’s also nice to see C-3PO become more a part of the story, even though his scenes are pure nonsense.  We also get to see why a young Boba Fett chooses his path in life.  As for Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, he does a serviceable job, but really only shines when Anakin tragically sees his mother again.  Some good news is Jar Jar Binks’ role is greatly diminished and subdued, but he is ultimately involved in a pivotal moment with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine’s grasp for power.  Oh, and I must add that John Williams’ film score is a vast improvement over THE PHANTOM MENACE. 

Young Boba Fett is happy his dad didn’t die for a burp joke.

In conclusion…
There are worse STAR WARS films out there.  Episode II may even be better than some of the crap in the Sequel Trilogy.  If anything, Samuel L. Jackson finally gets some lightsaber action as Mace Windu!  So, if you’re watching in chronological order, grab a helping of caffeine for the slow moments and embrace the good stuff in ATTACK OF THE CLONES.  At least you’ll be one film closer to A NEW HOPE!  
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out,
JLH 

P.S. Click the pic for a post where I say nice things about THE PHANTOM MENACE…

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My queer little books are available from an Amazon near you… 
viewAuthor.at/JohnLHarmon

A breakfast casserole for lunch…

I recently attended a potluck lunch at the library and decided to actually cook my breakfast casserole.  I have only prepared this dish for my sister and our dad, so I wasn’t sure what outsiders would think.  Especially since I altered the original recipe to suit my particular taste. 

For example, I changed the 2 cups of cubed ham to 1 pound (package) of bacon.  Instead of 4 cups of shredded mild cheddar cheese, I use only 2 cups of shredded mozzarella.  Sometimes, but not always, I substitute the 1 cup of milk with 1 cup of buttermilk.  I must also add the original recipe called for a bag of hash browns to be layered frozen in the pan, but I use frozen diced potatoes and cook them first. 

Thankfully, the lucky potluck attendees enjoyed my breakfast casserole!  There was even leftovers for my sister and I to enjoy.  We both agree that a morning after microwaved leftover tastes even better than fresh from the oven. 

The best news is no one developed food poisoning or died from my casserole.  Well, at least not as far as I know.  On that note, here is my recipe.

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Freakboy’s Breakfast of Champions Casserole 

Ingredients…
1/2 cup of melted butter or margarine 
30 ounce bag of frozen seasoned diced potatoes 
12 eggs 
1 cup milk or buttermilk 
2 cups of shredded mozzarella cheese  
1 pound of bacon 
Dash of pepper 

Directions…
Cut bacon into chunks and fry in a pan.  (add a dash of pepper to the sizzling bacon as it cooks)  
Then set bacon aside on a plate.

Using the bacon grease, fry potatoes until lightly brown. 

Layer potatoes in a greased 9” by 13” pan.

Pour melted butter over potatoes. 

Mix eggs, milk, cheese
and bacon together in a large bowl.  Pour
over top of the potatoes.

Bake at 350° F for 1 hour or until the top is nice and brown.  (It may take less than an hour because of the cooked potatoes)
Remove from
oven and let sit for 10 minutes.  
Serve.
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My breakfast casserole is wildly unhealthy and not vegetarian or vegan friendly.  Just like any recipe, use mine as a starting point and then alter it to your personal taste!  

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  If you just can’t wait for a 2-in-1 print edition of STURGEONS, which will hopefully drop in July, you can always read DARKENING and HAUNTING as individual ebooks! 

freakboy on film: THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999)

 

written & directed by George Lucas

What the hell is wrong with me? 

After my sister and I finished our annual Planet of the Apes Marathon, I decided it was time to watch the three STAR WARS trilogies in chronological order, which is something I’ve never done.  Since I only own the Original Trilogy, I borrowed Episode I from the library and, for the first time ever, I didn’t find myself loathing it with every fiber of my being.  So, I reiterate… 

What the hell is wrong with me? 

Please, don’t answer that and don’t get me wrong.  I still don’t love THE PHANTOM MENACE.  I mean, I could write a scathing post about the questionable creative choices of George Lucas.  That excruciating pod race scene is still endless.  (As if Anakin wasn’t going to win.)  Starting Anakin Skywalker (the future Darth Vader) out so ridiculously young continues to be a WTF?!?moment, compounded by the character’s alleged immaculate conception.  (Sorry, Ms. Skywalker, but someone already used that excuse.)  Then there is Jar Jar Binks… (Um, I just can’t right now.)  However, instead of complaining, I have decided to list (in no particular order) things about THE PHANTOM MENACE which I enjoyed, or at least wasn’t super annoyed by during this viewing. 

1 - Qui-Gon Jinn 
I wasn’t sure I liked him during the first viewing, but I’ve changed my mind.  Maybe it was all the time he spent with Nell, but Liam Neeson makes a believable and patient Jedi Knight. 

2 - Jabba the Hutt 
This sluggish gangster’s appearance is brief, but entertaining.  I mean, he mimics what theater audiences were doing by falling asleep during that wretched pod race. 

3 - Padmé Amidala 
I wasn’t sure about her the first time, maybe because of the whole decoy queen thing.  Now I think Natalie Portman brings a nice mix of strength and vulnerability to the character.  Well, until Episode III anyways, but I’m getting ahead of myself. 

4 - Yoda 
I mean, come on!  He’s Yoda!  Plus, Frank Oz provides the voice for this Jedi Master again! 

5 - Mace Windu 
I mean, come on!  He’s Samuel L. Jackson!  He may not have a lot to do in his scene, but Mace glows with authentic Jedi coolness! 

6 - Anakin Skywalker 
Fine, I first thought Jake Lloyd was a horrible child actor, but now I wonder if he was just doing his best with George Lucas’ meh-inspired script.  Don’t get me wrong, the kid is no Jodie Foster, yet he has this one moment where a spark happens.  As Anakin gazes into Qui-Gon’s funeral pyre, he looks believably contemplative about his future, or maybe my half-blind eyes were just seeing things.

7 - Darth Maul (Ray Park)
I initially rolled my eyes at this character because his sole purpose seemed to be to kill Qui-Gon and look cool doing it.  He succeeds in this, but now I see him as the Prequel Trilogy’s Boba Fett.  Mysterious, baddass and too quickly dispatched, but at least Darth Maul didn’t die for the sake of a burp joke. 

8 - Naked C-3PO 
I still hate that Anakin is my favorite protocol droid’s “Maker” but at least I no longer cringe at C-3PO’s incomplete state.  Maybe because it’s pure joy to watch him meet his forever counterpart R2-D2.  Plus, Anthony Daniels once again lends his persnickety voice! 

9 - Senator Palpatine 

He has been one of the best parts of THE PHANTOM MENACE since the first viewing.  It helps they got the same actor from RETURN OF THE JEDI and Ian McDiarmid is charmingly sinister as the future Emperor.  Plus, with this viewing, I fully understand how the plot is really about the Senator’s manipulations and machinations in order to gain more political power. 

10 - Darth Vader’s breathing 
Even before Marvel movies made it mandatory, I often stayed through the ending credits at the theater, much to the chagrin of the staff.  I was rewarded with a bit of menacing EMPIRE music and Darth Vader’s rasping, mechanical breathing.  For a long time, I considered this audio moment the best part of the film.  Maybe it still is.

 
11 - Jar Jar Binks (Ahmed Best) 
I still don’t love this character, but my absolute hatred has mutated into annoyed tolerance.  Before you scream at me, let’s all get real.  All of Jar Jar’s slapstick nonsense found its genesis in RETURN OF THE JEDI.  Somewhere between THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and JEDI, George Lucas forgot that while STAR WARS appeals to kids, it is not a kid flick.  He just took that childish mentality to the extreme in THE PHANTOM MENACE with Jar Jar Binks and a way too young Anakin. 

In conclusion… 
What the hell is wrong with me?  Have I lost my mind?  Did Disney’s Sequel Trilogy decimate what remained of my passion for STAR WARS?  Has Andy Milligan made me enjoy films that most consider bad or have I simply grown older and allegedly wiser?  Whatever the reason, I discovered a tentative appreciation for Episode I.  I mean, it’s far from perfect, that pod race is inexcusably tedious, but maybe, just maybe, THE PHANTOM MENACE isn’t the complete piece of 💩 that I thought it was.

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. Click a pic ⤵️ for my thoughts on the Sequel Trilogy…

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My books & blogs… 
http://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-collective.html