freakboy on film: TORTURE DUNGEON

IMDb dates it at 1969.

If you’re a fan of GAME OF THRONES, you are going to love Andy Milligan’s TORTURE DUNGEON!  Devious machinations!  Premeditated murders!  Arranged marriages!  Incestuous siblings!  Familial revelations!  All for the sake of gaining the power of the throne!  Though there are no dragons to be found, so maybe it’s not quite like GAME OF THRONES.  

We’re going to need a bigger Band-Aid!

When the king quite literally loses his head while picking a rose, his throne is up for grabs.  His brother Albert, Duke of Aberthy is next in line, followed by his sisters Lady Agatha and Lady Jane, the latter being pregnant with her dead brother’s baby.  The last in line is half-sibling Norman, Duke of Norwich.  Even if Norman could be king, his sterility would prevent the royal lineage from continuing, so he pushes the council, which consists of three men all named Peter, to find a fertile bride for the child-like Albert. 

Are you looking at my eye?

Heather MacGregor is a lovely young woman living with her adopted father in what appears to be poverty.  She is so in love with a young man named William, she agrees to frolic naked in a questionably clean stream with him, but her happiness is short-lived.  For 30 pieces of gold, Heather’s father agrees she will marry Albert.  After the bad news is delivered, Margaret, family friend and local one-eyed hag, explains to the young woman that there is nothing to be done about the situation and it’s for the best.  Heather tries to find peace of mind through a conversation with her intense and barely clothed friend Marvin, but only accepts her fate after William is crucified to a wall, jabbed with a pitchfork and gutted. 

Is that a pitchfork in your chest or are you just happy to see me?

As the wedding day approaches, Heather must face her lack of control amidst the insanity.  Her impending groom is eating bugs before their first meeting.  Her soon-to-be sisters-in-law keep warning her about Norman.  She needs no warning because Norman and his hunchback servant/lover Ivan keeps Heather more than unsettled.  Finally, the manic marriage counselor Magda instructs Heather in what to expect during the ceremony and the wedding night. 

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

The wedding night is when bodies really start piling up, which isn’t exactly what Magda described.  Who is behind this systematic slaughter for the elusive crown.  The suspects are many, but I’m only giving you one guess.  However, you need to watch TORTURE DUNGEON, streaming on Tubi and Fawesome, to find out for certain. 

Why does he insist on torturing us so?

I generally prefer Andy Milligan’s sexploitation films over his horror stuff, but I seriously enjoy TORTURE DUNGEON.  Gerald Jacuzzo, who sadly passed away in August, is the reason to watch.  His overly dramatic, searingly sexy turn as the manipulative Norman is his best performance in a Milligan film.  He also gets to explain his desires in a fantastic speech.  “I live for pleasure.  Only second to power, of course.  And I’ll try anything.  I’m not a homosexual, I’m not a heterosexual, I’m not asexual, I’m try-sexual.  Yes, that’s it, I’ll try anything for pleasure.” 

Prince Valiant brings all the hunchbacks to the yard!

Another reason to watch is Maggie Rogers, who is best known as the vicious matriarch in Andy Milligan’s SEEDS (aka Seeds of Sin).  In TORTURE DUNGEON, she plays Margaret, the one-eyed hag, a much more sympathetic character.  She shows a range from motherly figure to a woman seeking revenge and is magnetic in every scene.

Not a selfie.

A couple of other actors from the Milligan stable are worth mentioning.  Hal Borske (MONSTROSITY) is believably insipid and amusing as dim bulb Albert.  Neil Flanagan (FLESHPOT) is always a welcome sight and he keeps things surprisingly understated as the Peter with an eyepatch.  

Pick a peck of pickled Peters.

Speaking of which, having Peter be the name of each of the three council members makes me feel a real kinship with Andy Milligan.  Several secondary characters in my book DARK EXCURSIONS have variations of the name Peter, so maybe we share a similar sense of humor. 

A book of Peters?

I can’t let this review slip by without specifically mentioning Magda, the manic marriage counselor.  From my understanding from an audio commentary, the woman who gave energetic life to the role is uncredited and unknown.  Whoever she is/was, she bursts forth into the middle of TORTURE DUNGEON like a colorful whirlwind and is gone just as quickly.  I don’t know if I can fully express how random, weird, wonderful and delightful she is!  Magda might be one of the most bizarre and entertaining characters to appear in any Milligan film and she needs to be experienced! 

We all need a Magda in our life!

In conclusion… 
Andy Milligan managed to meld what appears to be his three favorite genres, horror, sexploitation and family melodrama, into one gleefully grisly and absurd film.  The medieval (?) setting gave him the opportunity to show off some of the wildest costumes he ever designed for his films.   Don’t panic though, Swirl Camera is here, along with other Milligan modus operandi, such as the previously mentioned crucifixion, pitchfork, hunchback, incest, and male and female nudity.  What more can you want from grindhouse cinema?  If all of these things peak your interest, pull up an iron chair, or maybe sit on your porcelain throne, and explore the sights and sounds of TORTURE DUNGEON! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  RIP, Gerald Jacuzzo (1938-2026)  

freakboy on film: SWALLOWED (2022)

Do you swallow? 

Dom sure does, but only to make sure his best friend Benjamin has some extra money before leaving.  Benjamin is off to L.A. to become the next big gay porn superstar and the producers are paying for everything.  This is why Dom agrees to be a drug mule for his cousin Dee-Dee.  

The first thing to go wrong is Dee-Dee is out of it, leaving her girlfriend Alice in charge.  Dom tries to back out of the deal, but Alice convinces him, at gunpoint, to swallow several gelatinous spheres containing the drugs.  Alice even forces Benjamin to swallow one.  Their mission, which they are forced to accept, is to drive across the border to a specific rest stop and poop out the spheres. 

The second thing to go wrong is a confrontation with a homophobic redneck, leaving them in a mess, literally.  After getting punched in the gut, Dom expels some of the drug spheres, but one has broke open inside him.  The side effects are simultaneously numbing and arousing.  Freaking out, and not knowing what else to do, Benjamin calls the police.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, Alice shows up first. 

The third thing to go wrong is Alice drives Benjamin and a very high and hard Dom to a cabin in the woods, leaving them at the mercy of Rich.  Rich is an aging drug kingpin with a flamboyant stylish flare and he wants his drugs out of the two young men.  What will happen?  Will Rich retrieve his gelatinous drug spheres and how?  Will Benjamin poop out  the one he swallowed?  Will Dom and his erection come down?  Will Alice help or hinder the whole situation?    What exactly are the drugs anyway?  I’ll keep my mouth shut and swallow the answers. 

I ordered SWALLOWED from Vinegar Syndrome for 2 reasons: Jena Malone and Mark Patton.  I first saw Jena Malone in the wickedly irreverent SAVED! (2004) and I’ve been a fan ever since.  As Alice in SWALLOWED, Jena does not disappoint.  She is somehow both scary and sympathetic.  Mark Patton, of course, became horror’s first male scream queen in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE (1985), which had an effect on my worldview.  As Rich in SWALLOWED, Mark gives a tour de force performance.  He manages to be humorous and disturbing, sometimes in the same breath.  Even though I’m not as familiar with Cooper Koch as Benjamin and José Colón as Dom, they both give strong performances as very complicated friends trapped in a waking nightmare.  

Writer/Director Carter Smith keeps the story moving and creates a truly unsettling atmosphere.  When researching SWALLOWED, I surprisingly discovered that I had seen another Carter Smith film.  He directed THE RUINS (2008), which is about a jolly holiday gone horrifyingly wrong by some killer greenery.  I recommend THE RUINS and not just because Jena Malone stars in it.  

In conclusion…
SWALLOWED might be one of the most disturbing films I’ve seen in a long time.  However, what isn’t shown is the most unsettling and difficult to sit through.  That being said, I enjoyed the complex characters and have watched it more than once.  So, if you’re in the mood for some queer horror, you can’t go wrong with SWALLOWED.   Just sit back, relax and unclinch your cheeks!

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. click the pic 👇 to read about a similarly titled film…

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Dare to swallow my queer books… 📚 

freakboy on film: IF I’M LUCKY (1946)

When Rebecca of Taking Up Room announced The Vivian Blaine Blogathon for October 2-4, 2026, my first thought was, naturally, Perry Como.  Before my Andy Milligan obsession, my ears were tuned in and turned on to the ultra-smooth, uber-mellow musical stylings of The Como!  Since I already blogged a bit about DOLL FACE (1945), and I’m not touching SOMETHING FOR THE BOYS (1944), my only remaining choice for a Blaine/Como vehicle was IF I’M LUCKY (1946). 

The plot is pure joyful musical nonsense wrapped around a political satire of sorts.  Wally (Phil Silvers) is getting the band back together for a gig with Titan Tires.  The main members of the band include his girlfriend/harp player/singer Michelle (Carmen Miranda), trumpeter Earl (Harry James) and, last but not least, singer Linda (Vivian Blaine).  There are several other members but they aren’t important to the plot. 

When the Titan Tires gig falls flat, the band is on the street and hungry.  Salvation for an empty stomach is found in the most unlikely place, a political rally.  While devouring free hot dogs, the band notices nobody is listening to the candidate running for governor.  Thankful for full bellies, the band puts on a show, which keeps butts in seats and makes the candidate happy and popular.  The candidate thanks the band by hiring them for all of his political rallies.  It’s during one of these events that Allen (Perry Como) shows up with a song and a desire to break into the business of show.  

Please stop singing into my eye!

Allen’s song is a hit, so he joins the band and catches the eye of Linda.  Things seem to be coming up aces for everyone.  The band has a steady gig, Allen and Linda are singing duets, and the candidate is more popular than ever! That is until a political committee blackmails the candidate so the current governor will win the election.  Before you know it, Allen goes from crooner to candidate, and the constituents love him!  Will Allen become the next governor?  Will Linda lose her duet partner?  Will Michelle run out of quirky hats to wear?  Will Wally throw his back out lugging around Michelle’s harp?  Will the political committee use Allen for their own nefarious purposes?  I’ll just say that a musical from the 1940’s, even a black & white one, will probably end happily. 

The bus driver is ready to drive off a cliff.

I could go on about how amusing it is to watch Perry Como acting like an ingénue when he was already a crooning chart-topper.  I could lament the Technicolor tragedy of the vibrantly dressed Carmen Miranda being relegated to black and white.  However, we are here to celebrate Vivian Blaine!  

Betty White?

According to IMDb, Vivian Blaine was born Vivian Sarah Stapleton on November 21, 1921.  It sounds like Blaine was a Broadway star, originating many roles, including Miss Adelaide in Guys and Dolls and would later appear in the 1955 film.  As Linda in IF I’M LUCKY, Vivian Blaine is humorous, charming and appears to be having fun.  Though maybe not as much fun as she was having in the “Pet Me Poppa” number in Guys and Dolls, which is literally the only thing I remember about that movie.  

Sadly, this singer-dancer-actor triple threat died on December 9, 1995.  Her last appearance was in a 1985 episode of Murder, She Wrote, so at least Vivian Blaine took her final bow in style.  

Thanks for the song and dance!

In conclusion…
IF I’M LUCKY may not be the best film in Blaine’s decades-spanning career, but I enjoy the innocent humor and the general ridiculousness of the whole thing.  If you’re a Vivian Blaine completist or a Carmen Miranda fan or obsessed with Perry Como, then put on a quirky hat, slip on your dancing shoes and “follow the band” to IF I’M LUCKY! 

SIDE NOTE: During my research, I learned IF I’M LUCKY is a remake of THANKS A MILLION (1935).  Just more proof that Hollywood has always been about remakes. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  I’m not going to stop going on and on and on about surviving the poetry happening that happened in Chadron, Nebraska! 
📜 
https://freakboyzone.blogspot.com/2026/09/i-survived-homegrown-poetry-event-in.html
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