channel freakboy: INTIMATE AGONY (1983)

Paradise Isle is a luxurious destination to live or vacation.  There’s fine dining, a yacht-like ferry and tennis galore.  What more could anyone need?  Well, with the horndog tennis instructor, an unfaithful husband and promiscuous teenagers on the island, maybe everyone could use some antiviral medication.  This made for TV movie aired on the U.S. network ABC in 1983 and plays as if JAWS and an Afterschool Special met and had a herpes baby. 

NOTE: according to IMDb, the main character’s last name is Richards, but it is Richardson on screen.

Trust me, I’m a doctor!

Dr. Kyle Richardson (Anthony Geary) is initially having a good time as a new resident of Paradise Isle.  He is thrilled to bump into an old college buddy Tommy (Mark Harmon), who is now a lascivious tennis instructor.  Kyle is also happy to start spending time with Marsha (Judith Light), a cocktail waitress who nearly ran him over with her car in a meet-cute moment at the beginning of the movie.  However, things take a turn when the doctor realizes there is an outbreak on Paradise Isle.  Tommy has a fever and is worried about his sex life.  Nick Todd (Brian Kerwin), a philandering husband, has given the gift that keeps on giving to his unaware, pregnant wife Connie (Lori Lethin).  Then Katie Fairmont (Cindy Fisher), teenage daughter to real estate developer Dave Fairmont (Robert Vaughn), has contracted the virus after having sex with a boy in her class.  In other words, everything’s coming up herpes! 

Tragically, this is not a musical!

To make matters worse, Dr. Kyle Richardson is being silenced by head doctor Dr. Holliston (Arthur Hill) and Dave Fairmont.  They don’t want Kyle’s herpes concern to cause a panic or scare away real estate investors.  Plus, on top of all that, Marsha is hiding something from Kyle.  What will happen?  Will Dr. Kyle Richardson spread the word of warning before herpes spreads to more and more people?  Will Dave Fairmont learn of his daughter’s diagnosis?  Will Tommy stop being a tennis slut and learn to respect women?  Will Connie find out she has herpes before she goes into labor?   What exactly is Marsha hiding?  My lips are sealed since INTIMATE AGONY is streaming on Tubi. 

What happens on Paradise Isle, stays on Paradise Isle!

My sister spotted INTIMATE AGONY because she recognized Anthony Geary on the little Tubi poster.  Being fans of the daytime soap GENERAL HOSPITAL, we knew we had to see Geary play someone who isn’t the infamous Luke Spencer.  As Dr. Kyle Richardson, Geary is a sincere, gentle, caring medical professional.  Then there’s Judith Light as Marsha.  It’s weird seeing her in a dramatic role when you know she has serious comic timing, but from the dates on IMDb, Ms. Light was either fresh off or just finishing her stint on the daytime soap ONE LIFE TO LIVE.  I guess it’s not a far stretch going from housewife-turned-prostitute Karen Wolek to single mother Marsha, who may or may not have herpes.  

The fresh face of herpes?

Mark Harmon, with a porn star tache and nearly always in tennis shorts, is the epitome of a lothario and makes you believe Tommy was probably voted most likely to get herpes in school.  Brian Kerwin oozes pathetic loser vibes as cheater Nick Todd and Lori Lethin is all sorts of sweet naïveté as his wife.  Robert Vaughn gives rich fathers a bad name as Dave Fairmont, especially when he refuses to listen to anything more from his daughter after she admits to being sexually active.  Cindy Fisher is fine as Katie Fairmont, but she might be the weakest link, except for when she trashes her room out of frustration.  Katie’s best friend Lisa is totally more interesting and is played with ‘80’s new wave energy by Shawn Schepps, who would show up a year later as Sarah Conner’s (“You're dead, honey.”) co-worker in THE TERMINATOR. 

No herpes or plastic hangers ever!

The movie takes some time to become a cohesive story.  At first, all the characters seem very separate and it’s easy to forget who is who.  This may have something to do with the slew of writers listed.  Richard De Roy, James S. Henerson, and James G. Hirsch are the credited writers, for those who want to know.  From what I noticed on IMDb, director Paul Wendkos mainly directed television productions.  With INTIMATE AGONY, he delivered a solid disease-of-the-week TV movie without spiraling too deeply into melodrama and histrionics, with maybe the exception of Katie.

In her defense, Katie is having a really bad day!

In conclusion…
INTIMATE AGONY must have been shocking in 1983 with its frank discussion of genital herpes and its ultimately non-shaming attitude towards sex.  Never mind that HIV/AIDS was ravaging the gay community at the time and mainstream media, if they even talked about it, was largely all about blaming and shaming those suffering and dying, but that’s a soapbox post for another day.  If you’re looking for a blast from the past with some freakishly young looking familiar faces, I seriously barely recognized Judith Light, and some low-key unintentional humor, then INTIMATE AGONY may be the TV movie for you!  If anything else, there’s Mark Harmon wearing nothing but a towel. 

Tommy can give me herpes anytime!

Freak Out. 
JLH 

P.S.  Maybe one of the characters from the orgy in my last post visited Paradise Isle and started the herpes outbreak… 🤔 
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Embrace the agony and read my books in 2026!
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freakboy on film: BRAIN DAMAGE (1988)

Are you bored?  Lonely?  Unhappy with life?  If you answered yes, worry no longer!  You just need Aylmer in your life!  No, not Elmer.  Aylmer! 

“Come to me and get my juice.”

After Aylmer, a slimy, slug-like alien creature, befriends you while you sleep by drilling a hole in the back of your neck, he will always have your back or at least be on it.  For whenever you’re feeling down, Aylmer will simply insert his long stem into your newly acquired orifice and splash your brain with his electric blue juice so you will begin to see the world in a whole new feel-good hallucinogenic light.  

A little dab’ll do ya.

You will no longer have to worry yourself with work, relatives or love.  Aylmer’s juice is now all you need.  However, he will give you the courage to meet new and interesting people at dance clubs and communal showers.  You may even share some pleasurable interactions with your new friends before Aylmer eats their tasty brains.  Is that too high of price for this type of intensely deep parasitic friendship?  I think not!  I mean, Aylmer will even sing to you when you’re suffering withdrawal symptoms from a lack of his juice.  Isn’t that sweet? 

All aboard for this juice trip!

So, be cool like Brian in BRAIN DAMAGE and get your brain hooked an Aylmer’s juice!  Not sure where to find an Aylmer of your own?  Check random puddles or your neighbor’s bathtub.  When he’s not devouring human brains, Aylmer loves a-splishin’ and a-splashin’! 

A boy’s best friend is his Aylmer.

How the hell did I not see BRAIN DAMAGE until now?  It must not have turned up on HBO back in the day and my town’s local video store must have failed to stock it.  Whatever the reason, I’m glad I stumbled upon this late ’80’s gem on Tubi.  Writer/director Frank Henenlotter (best known for BASKET CASE) creates a wild and weird mash-up of sci-fi, horror and comedy.  The plot and visuals are crazy, gruesome and “so wrong but so right” style of funny.  Seriously, the back alley fellatio scene encompasses all of those attributes and will blow your mind, so to speak.  

Rick Hearst (best known to me for the daytime soap GENERAL HOSPITAL) is a blast to watch as Brian, especially when the character is joyously high on Aylmer’s juice.  Then there is the voice of Aylmer.  Yes, the slimy phallic symbol talks and he is voiced by “Dinner With Drac” singer John Zacherle.  It’s brilliant that Aylmer sounds gentle and intelligent instead of gross and scary. 

In conclusion…BRAIN DAMAGE truly entertained and defied my expectations at every turn.  So, if you need a fun distraction or a mood enhancer, draw a bath and lose your mind in a good way with BRAIN DAMAGE! 

CONFESSION:  I haven’t seem the two sequels to Frank Henenlotter’s BASKET CASE, but they are also currently streaming on Tubi, along with the first one and FRANKENHOOKER.  Guess it’s time for a Frank Henenlotter movie marathon! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. Get your brain hooked on my  modern take on 1950’s sci-fi horror flicks and what happens after the end credits roll… 

freakboy on film: CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS (1980)

“That can’t be right.” 

This was my sister’s statement as she scrolled through the on-screen cable guide several years ago.  I looked up from whatever I was doing and eloquently inquired, “What?”  My sister explained that, according to the guide, the schmaltzy, Christmas obsessed Hallmark Channel was showing a film called CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, starring John Saxon.  While I could imagine this actor, in his later years, appearing as some young lovesick character’s grandfather, there was no way Hallmark would be showing a movie about cannibals.  Of course, we had to tune in to find out what the hell Hallmark was actually going to show! 

Tragically, it’s not about a woman making candles out of people!

CANDLES ON BAY STREET stars a luminescent Alicia Silverstone with Eion Bailey providing the eye candy.  The plot is definitely not about cannibals running amok in the streets.  It’s about a young woman returning to her hometown after many years away.  Instead of falling in love, like most Hallmark movies, she opens a candle shop and hopes to find a home for her son because she is dying.  It’s actually pretty decent, but maybe Hallmark could do a sequel titled CANNIBALS ON BAY STREET where Alicia Silverstone’s character returns to her hometown as a zombie. 

Scream play by Dardano Sacchetti & Antonio Margheriti / Directed by  Antonio Margheriti

However, the cannibals in CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS are not George A. Romero’s style of living dead.  These cannibals are high functioning rabid humans infected by a virus brought back by Vietnam War vets.  Whether in the streets, a theater, a department store or a hospital, the urge to get bitey with it is rampant.  It all begins with Norman Hopper having a nightmare about finding his soldier buddies, Charlie and Tommy, devouring human flesh in a hole.  The question is, did Charlie bite Norman as he tried to help them out of the hole or was that just part of the nightmare? 

Norman wishing he had packed cannibal repellent.

That’s a question the viewer must ponder as Norman deals with a teen neighbor girl flirting with him and a hot single doctor flirting with his TV reporter wife.  Oh, and Charlie, after being released from the mental hospital, celebrates his freedom by biting a woman’s neck in the theater, killing a member of a biker gang and then also shooting a department store security guard.  Norman talks Charlie down and soon the cannibal is back in the hospital, reuniting with Tommy.  Two cannibals are better than one as the biting gets out of control.  Then, to nobody’s surprise at this point, Norman is revealed to be infected and joins Charlie and Tommy in a cannibal posse as they flee from the cops.  Will the cannibals continue their rampage of biting or will the cops stop them?  Can Norman’s marriage survive the fact he has a taste for human flesh?  What does the teen neighbor girl have to do with anything?  You’ll have to watch to find out.  

Charlie won’t tell you, but he will bite you!

As you can tell, CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS is a serious film exploring the mental health of soldiers using cannibalism as an allegory for PTSD.  Yeah, not really, but I feel the plot wants to be that, maybe.  After seeing the film twice, I’m not really sure what it is.  Part of it is a serious drama, but then there are some well crafted gore scenes.  However, there is more than a little unintentional humor stemming mainly from the dialogue.  Everyone, except for John Saxon as Norman, sounds like they are dubbed.  This might be because this was an Italian production, even though some of it was shot in Atlanta, Georgia. 

Stop eating people so loudly, I’m trying to use the phone!

Speaking of John Saxon…
The actor is arguably best known as Nancy’s sheriff father in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) and is the main reason to watch CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS.  As Norman, he gives a believable performance as a man struggling with emotional and physical demons.  In other words, he lends credibility to the entire production.  Plus, if a cannibal daddy is your kink, Mr. Saxon goes topless.  

Norman brings all the cannibals to the yard

In conclusion… 
CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, or CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE, as it is known on Tubi & Prime, is somehow neither a great movie nor a bad movie.  The plot plods along, often feeling like it’s not going anywhere even when things are actually happening.  However, despite all of that, I enjoyed the off-kilter weirdness coursing throughout.  Plus, John Saxon is always watchable!  So I guess overall, I’m glad the very mistaken on-screen cable guide introduce me to CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS via the Hallmark Channel. 
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This post is part of The John Saxon Blogathon, hosted by Barry of Cinematic Catharsis & Gill of Realweegiemidget Reviews!

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Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. my last blogathon post was a real scream…

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4 gift ideas for the open-minded readers in your life… 

freakboy on film: NIGHTBIRDS (1970)

What the hell has happened to me?  I’ve been reviewing cheesy ‘80’s flicks and starting a blog serial instead of compulsively blogging about Andy Milligan films!  Have I taken ill or developed a less freaky filmic taste?  Fear not!  My Andy Milligan obsession is still pumping and may have even jumped to a new level! 

I watched BLOOD (1973) last month on Tubi.  This shorter film was an enjoyably crazy mash-up of werewolves, vampires and man-eating plants, with an ending that made me grin despite knowing (hoping) exactly what was coming.  I also ordered a Region-Free DVD of NIGHTBIRDS from a sketchy website.  Don’t worry, I used a Visa gift card, but it was a waste of time.  The order didn’t go through, which left me with a problem.  How do I watch a film that I’m salivating to experience when it’s not streaming anywhere and not legitimately available as a Region 1 disc? 

Well, this freakboy threw caution to the wind and ordered a Region 2 Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack and gave the DVD a spin on my Region 1 player.  No luck there but I wasn’t surprised.  (Interesting side note, my dad’s player recognized the disc as a DVD but the picture flipped like an old-time TV set.)  Proving I’m not a quitter when it comes to something I am obsessing over, I used some of my stimulus money to order a Region Free DVD player (ARAFUNA) for around $30.  The contraption arrived and hooked up like a Region 1 DVD player and had a standard U.S. electrical plug.  It’s such a tiny thing that I am surprised it works at all, but it does.  So, I finally watched Andy Milligan’s NIGHTBIRDS...

written & directed by Andy Milligan 

“I feel like a vampire in the sunlight when you smile.” - Dee 

NIGHTBIRDS was somehow both everything I expected and nothing like I expected.  There is the usual Andy Milligan craziness with eccentric characters, quirky-raw dialogue and subplots that leave you scratching your head.  On the flip side is a deadly seriousness that quietly slips in and builds tension until the startling conclusion.  

NOT Dinkel & Cheryl from DARK EXCURSIONS

Dink is a 20 year-old man living rough on the streets when a woman named Dee swoops in to help.  She takes him to her small, dingy flat where a relationship soon forms.  They consider the squalid living conditions their castle, a safe place to be themselves with one another.  Slowly but steadily, the outside world begins seeping in between Dink and Dee, throwing their relationship off balance from kindness to controlling.  As the castle begins to metaphorically crumble from pain and cruelty, who will be left standing?  It’s an Andy Milligan film, so the chances aren’t very good for anyone.

Hold on tight 

Berwick Kaler exudes a damaged innocence in Dink, which makes it believable that Dee would trust him.  Julie Shaw crackles with underlying energy as Dee, which makes it easy to see why Dink would be attracted to her.  I must add that Elaine Shore as Dink’s friend Mabel brings a bittersweet eccentricity to the mix.  Throw in Bill Clancy as Dee’s suspiciously demanding landlord Ginger and this emotionally damaged tableau is complete. 

NIGHTBIRDS is a bridge between the claustrophobic drama of VAPORS and the gutter theatrical of FLESHPOT ON 42nd STREET.  Filmed in stark black & white, NIGHTBIRDS takes an unflinching look at how we hurt the ones we allegedly love.  It’s almost like a horror film, but instead of vampires or werewolves, reality is the monster out to get us.  The story is sometimes hard to watch, especially scenes involving a real pigeon, but it’s a must for Andy Milligan devotees.  

Oops, I forgot...

In conclusion, I have no regrets with my purchases.  The ARAFUNA Region Free DVD Player is easy for me to use and NIGHTBIRDS has pecked its way beneath my mind-skin.  Contrary to what I’ve said before, this London-filmed motion picture may be Andy Milligan’s masterpiece.  He visually finds beauty in despair and fuels the story with subtle intensity.  So, if you enjoy something uncomfortably different, and you can locate a copy, I believe NIGHTBIRDS is worth your time and effort. 

...the remote!

(Side Note: The late Andy Milligan is still not through with me.  Yes, that means more are coming.😉)

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic below ⤵️ to release a different NIGHT BIRD...

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Click a pic ⤵️ to view other MILLIGAN posts...