booking freakboy: ERASE ME by Josh Silver (2026)

I was loitering at the library, examining a few small stacks of books that had yet to be placed back on the shelves.  A few mildly interested me as I sifted through the books, but then, at the bottom of one stack, a cover caught my attention.  Even though I was not wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I could see the soft colors of a sunset and the transparent figure shimmering with the sun reflecting off the body of water.  To add to the picture, a young person stood, gazing into the sunset, while appearing to hold hands with the transparent figure.  I was already going to borrow the book, because the imagery made me feel a longing sadness, but the emotionally devastating title sealed the deal.  

ERASE ME is about a young man with a lot of problems named Elias Pew.  On top of having church furniture for a last name, Eli has ADHD, was in a car crash and has lost two months of memory, along with the ability to feel emotions.  Through his morally debatable experiments to try to feel something again, Eli finds himself in Traumaland.  This business, yes, business, is a place where people can watch traumatic events through Virtual Reality goggles, all supposedly performed by actors.  Eli believes this until he recognizes a face or two in one of the many events to choose from.  This startling realization sends Eli on a journey of identity and how our memories make us who we are.  Eli also faces a forgotten love of a lost young man.  Not knowing anything about the story going in, this made me wonder if I felt queer vibes echoing within the emotionally layered cover and title. 

As much as I enjoyed ERASE ME by Josh Silver, I also found the story uncomfortably familiar in some parts.  There are several scenes of Eli in a mental institute, which is not so different from me at the age of 15.  Long story short, I was really messed up back then, mainly suffering from such low self-esteem that I should call it no self-esteem.  This landed me in a mental institution.  I’ll spare you the trauma of being committed for another day because I’d rather focus on a young man I connected with behind the sterile walls. 

His name was Mark and he was a year or two older than me.  I wish I had a photo of him, but I remember Mark looking like an American football player, and I think he was on his school’s team, but he wasn’t a stereotypical big sack of duh.  He seemed intelligent and thoughtful.  I recall one corner of his mouth raising as he spoke, which a group therapy therapist said the mannerism made Mark appear insincere.  I found it endearing, 

Mark and I were in different wards, but shared group therapy at least once a week.  On one day, the therapist zeroed in on me.  He explained how I should deepen my voice and cuss more to fit in.  That quack was just one more in a long mixed line of adults and peers telling me nobody will like me if I am myself.  

Before I could respond, a female patient pointed out that I didn’t “talk like this” and proceeded to do a stereotypical effeminate male voice, including flamboyant hand gestures.  The other patients laughed and so did I because in her own, possibly misguided way, she was defending me.  Then, after the laughter died, Mark, who was sitting beside me, expressed admiration for my ability to be myself even when pressured to be someone else.  

Looking back, I don’t know if he was talking in code, but it was the first time I had been seen and felt accepted by someone close to my age.  I hope I did the same for Mark, but I’ll never know.  Being in different wards, our interactions were few and far between.  I did get to say goodbye to Mark the day before my release and I had hoped to acquire his address so I could write to him, but he said his parents wouldn’t approve.  Over the years, I have conducted online searches for Mark, but he seems to be just a bright, shining moment in my memories during a most traumatic time. 

In conclusion…
I swear YA books are better than books for allegedly more mature readers.  YA books tend to be more daring and author Josh Silver dares to send readers down a dark rabbit hole of mental illness, memories and pain.  As I said, I enjoyed ERASE ME, but found aspects of the story hitting close to hone.  So, if you want to celebrate 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month🏳️‍⚧️ in an emotionally challenging way, ERASE ME by Josh Silver may be the book for you! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  ERASE ME was originally published as TRAUMALAND in the UK and Europe in 2025.  I don’t think I would’ve been quite as drawn to its original cover or title.

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Other queer books for Pride Month are available from an Amazon near you…
🏳️‍🌈
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freakboy on film: PILLION (2025)

My sister noticed this film listed on HBO and read the synopsis to me.  Much like FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET on TCM back in 2020, I knew I had to watch PILLION!  It didn’t hurt that one of its stars is Alexander Skarsgård, and he might be at his sexiest here. 

Colin is a young Englishman who lives with his father and cancer-ridden mother.  On a blind date at a pub set up by his mother, Colin spots a tall drink of biker leather named Ray.  After paying for Ray’s snacks while getting another round for his blind date, Colin suddenly has a date for Christmas Day, or night, rather.  This first festive back-alley holiday date includes Colin being ordered to literally lick one of Ray’s boots and then to stay on his knees to satisfy the biker’s Christmas wish.  Who says romance is dead? 

This first date wakes up a submissive kink in Colin and he eventually begins living with Ray.  This arrangement includes Colin fixing all the meals, sleeping on a rug on the floor at the end of Ray’s bed, having his head shaved and being one of the naked offerings at a biker potluck picnic.  One reward for behaving like a good little submissive is a wrestling sex session, which is more about Ray’s physical pleasure than Colin’s.  Is it now obvious why I had to watch this sometimes twisted film?

After a personal tragedy, Colin begins wanting an emotional connection.  In an act of compassion or sympathy, Ray allows Colin to share his bed.  This seeming softness is short-lived and soon it’s back to the rug.  Disappointed, Colin works up the nerve to request a day off where they act like two people in an equal, loving relationship, but will Ray give-in or will Colin have to remain a 24/7 submissive?  

Harry Melling,  grandson of the 2nd Doctor Who Patrick Troughton, brings a sympathetic innocence to Colin even as he engages in very non-innocent activities.  Alexander Skarsgård, brother of Pennywise Bill Skarsgård, infuses Ray with intense sexual magnetism and a believable demanding attitude.  The rest of the cast is great, but top honors must go to Lesley Sharp as Colin’s mother Peggy.  She is full on believable as a loving parent who is also understandably concerned about her son’s new relationship, even as she is dying.  The scene where Ray joins Colin’s parents for a meal is priceless in its mixture of humor and pain.  

Writer/directer Harry Lighton balances both pain and humor with brilliant results.  There were times I found myself chuckling, but I wasn’t sure it was supposed to be funny.  Then again, how could the wrestling scene not be funny with Tiffany’s cover of “I Think We’re Alone Now” playing front and center?   I became so curious if the source material for PILLION, the book “Box Hill: A Story of Low Self-Esteem” by Adam Mars-Jones, is also equal parts humorous and painful that I ordered a copy.  As if I don’t have enough to read! 

I confess that I don’t fully understand this type of arrangement.  I mean, I can wrap my head around paying someone for a weekend of being a dom or a sub, but a full-time relationship boggles my mind a bit.  However, if the participants are willing adults who completely understand what is expected, then embrace your kink and go for it. 

In conclusion… 

I enjoyed PILLION because the characters felt realistically written and performed.  Plus, it is truly a unique kind of love story.  So, if you’re looking for a different way to celebrate 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month🏳️‍⚧️, grab a lock or a key and get kinky with PILLION! 

SIDE NOTE: 
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of pillion is “a motorcycle or bicycle saddle for a passenger.”

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. The character of Ray gave off a vibe that reminded me of the Wendy’s man I blogged about earlier this year.  Click the pic for more about him…👇

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Celebrate 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month🏳️‍⚧️ with my queer books available in various formats from Amazon…
📚 

I survived the library author event!

Speaking in front of an audience of more than 3 people wasn’t as difficult as I imagined.  I didn’t wear my Mad Scientist Glasses, which I regret after seeing the photos, so not being able to clearly see the watching faces helped me relax.  Wearing my power colors, orange & purple, gave me some emotional strength.  Mainly though, I took a breath and was just myself.  Perhaps a little too much myself.

Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library

When asked if we write with our audience in mind, I answered, “I totally write for myself and then hope other freaks like me will find and understand my words.”  Then, when asked how we deal with reviews, I admitted I take good reviews with a grain of salt because I wonder if the reviewer actually read my book.  As for negative reviews, I explained how disappointed I was when a reader left a 1-star rating for DARKENING STURGEONS but failed to leave a review explaining what they didn’t like about my ebook.  I mentioned how I wanted to use a bad review as advertisement because I am more likely to read a book that is hated.  I also bragged how two local readers stopped talking to me after reading my books, which meant my words got a reaction and that made me feel proud.  The moral of my lengthy answer was turn negative reviews into positive ones. 

Photo courtesy of the broken bow public library

My answers might be why only 2 new readers dared to approach my table after the panel.  Thankfully, 2 return readers came back for more.  Plus, it was very nice when a couple of my emotional support humans swung by and said hi.

I regret not having someone take a photo of me with my books.

One of the new readers picked up DARK EXCURSIONS for herself, after a return reader recommended it, and VISION BENT for someone else.  The new reader, who shared a first name with my grandmother, explained she was buying VISION BENT for a friend who is dealing with a health scare involving the eyes.  This made the night for me.  I may not have wrote VISION BENT as an inspirational book, but it feels good to imagine my half-blind words helping someone find comfort or strength when dealing with vision loss. 

Another good experience from the event is when I first entered the room.  One of the other authors, whom I had never met, said he had something for me.  This seriously intrigued me and I was not disappointed.  He was asked to pass a flyer along to me from a writer in Chadron, Nebraska.  The flyer is for an upcoming Pride event, which I’m definitely interested in.  As of this writing, I offered a signed set of my queer books for a raffle/auction.  Hopefully, I’ll figure out a way to get more involved.  This is when I wish Nebraska had a regular train or bus system that traveled all over the state. 

In conclusion…
It’s a good thing to put yourself out there, even if the audience is predominately not for you. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Pride Month is literally around the corner, so pick up my queer books at an Amazon near you! 
🏳️‍🌈
📚 

The Word Man (a poem)

Where is the word I seek  
In the sky 
In the breeze 
Lost at sea 
In the gutter 
Buried in grime 
Dirt upon dirt 
No reason 
No rhyme 
I ask The Word Man 
To find one for me 
He opens his coat 
Displaying his wares 
Letters upon letters 
Forming this and that 
Adjectives 
Nouns 
Verbs 
Of all shapes and sizes 
Even a ten cent word or two 
But which is for me 
I plead 
Desperately hungry 
For something 
Simply complex
Or complexly simple 
To describe me 
Define me 
Make me feel like me 
Make them understand 
The me they see 
And the me they don’t 
One word
Just one 
Is all I ask 
The Word Man smiles 
A bemused smile 
Offering up the letters 
Three in all 
Y-O-U 
And it’s the only word I can truly be 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
2026, John L. Harmon 

SIDE NOTE: Potentially apropos of nothing, I wrote these words after watching THE BRIDE! (2026), which I was unsure about at first, but ended up very much enjoying. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 
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My queer words are available from an Amazon near you! 
🏳️‍🌈
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Meet the Authors! Book Signing Event at the Broken Bow (Nebraska) Public Library!

If you find yourself in Broken Bow, Nebraska on Wednesday, May 20th, 2026, swing by the Broken Bow Public Library to meet some local authors! ✍️ 

There will be Prizes, Refreshments and a chance to add some great (autographed) Books to your collection! 📚 

See you there!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  A little more about my books…

freakboy on film: THE DEGENERATES (1967)

🎵 They once were lost, but now they’re found! 🎵

Praise be to Severin Films for finding and releasing two of Andy Milligan’s lost films!  Believe you me, I was freaking out over this discovery and was constantly checking Severin so I could pre-order ASAP!  It was a rare Friday off for me and I just got home from a sloppy joe lunch with my sister.  I immediately checked and BAM, there was my dream come true!  “This is really happening!” I chanted to my cats as I placed my order, only half-aware I was quoting ROSEMARY’S BABY.

You can imagine how over the moon I was when my order arrived.  I watched the two lost films right away and the other films over the weekend.  To be honest, I was under the weather for my initial viewings, so subsequent viewings were required, as if I needed an excuse for rewatching! 

I was originally planning on doing one post covering all of “GUTTER AUTEUR” The Lost Legacy of Andy Milligan, but I ended up writing a longer review for THE DEGENERATES than I expected.  In other words, the following review is just the first in a potential series of reviews…

THE DEGENERATES (1967) 

My first thought on my initial viewing was, This movie is daring viewers to hate it.  It was loud with screeching performances and was sometimes hard to follow, especially keeping track of which character was which.  In other words, THE DEGENERATES was an Andy Milligan film through and through, and I enjoyed it even if I was confused.  My confusion may have been due to being ill at the time.

Frank, Jim and GoGo on the go.

THE DEGENERATES is Andy Milligan’s post-apocalyptic, sci-fi epic!  Well, sort of.  After an offscreen nuclear war has decimated the world, three men (Jim, Frank and GoGo) are sent out to find other survivors.  The trio stumble upon a house of women named after flowers or flowering plants.  Violet may physically look like a slim bit of nothing with a cute pixie cut bob, but she is in charge and rules with an iron fist.  Rose exudes a sweet, understanding motherly vibe.  Iris and Daisy are ready to find out what they’ve been missing when the men arrive.  Lily is young, sweet and innocent and always wears a hairband.  Ivy, the youngest, lives away from her sisters, having lost her mind when she saw their father burn to death in the family car. 

What does Ivy know?

Jim has an injured leg and Violet agrees to let the men stay for a couple of days.  She assigns Iris to take care of Jim, who gets the luxury of a bedroom, and orders Frank and GoGo to sleep in the shed.  Iris and Jim begin forming a bond, while Daisy sneaks out to spend time with GoGo, no matter how ridiculous his name is.  Meanwhile, Frank is out to claim innocent Lily for himself.  All of this sex ignites a boiling rage in Violet as she believes her sisters are slipping away from her and she will be left alone.  Violence soon erupts, with death not far behind.  It’s interesting to note that Milligan did not use “swirl camera” to represent chaos in THE DEGENERATES, which makes for a more visceral viewing, in my opinion.

Violet prepares to punish Daisy.

Will Violet’s love and rage go too far?  Will Lily be saved from Frank’s manipulative ways?  Will Ivy speak the truth about their father’s death?  Will Daisy & GoGo and Iris & Jim live happily ever after in a post-apocalyptic world?  Well, this is an Andy Milligan film, so the odds are stacked against them. 

Iris and Jim are happy for a moment.

The bombastic visuals and dialogue that had bombarded me at first became a filmic drug with my second viewing of THE DEGENERATES.  I was able to follow everything going on and was mesmerized.  I couldn’t take my half-blind eyes off the screen as Violet descends into absolute madness.  Played to severe perfection by Bryarly Lee, who also starred in the still lost Milligan film THE NAKED WITCH, Violet seems to be an unstoppable force.  Then there is Hope Stansbury, who wrote Milligan’s first film VAPORS and starred as Dracula’s daughter in BLOOD.  In THE DEGENERATES, Hope plays youngest sister Ivy, the one who lives apart from the others.  Hope gives the mostly silent Ivy a soul and finds her strength when she finally speaks a long-held secret.  The rest of the cast gives it their all, but this film belongs to Bryarly Lee and Hope Stansbury. 

Violet demands to be loved!

THE DEGENERATES was written by friends and sometimes lovers, Gerald Jacuzzo and Andy Milligan.  They were definitely on the same page because it all feels like Milligan or maybe that’s because of his directorial style.  One moment that definitely came from Andy is the crucifixion scene.  One character’s right hand is nailed to a wall while the other hand is pinned using a pitchfork, which is a Milligan trademark instrument of torture.

Violet pitchforks Frank.

 Speaking of torture (not his acting), writer Gerald Jacuzzo also appeared in some of Andy’s films, most memorably TORTURE DUNGEON, which I have shamefully not reviewed…yet!  He was also in VAPORS and appears briefly in the other recently found lost Milligan film, KISS ME, KISS ME, KISS ME! (1968) and is easily one of the best actors Andy utilized. 

In conclusion…
Despite my confusing but enjoyable first viewing, THE DEGENERATES is quickly rising up the ranks in my favorite Andy Milligan films.  It won’t bump FLESHPOT, NIGHTBIRDS or SEEDS from the top spots, but it is giving other favorites a run for their low-budget money!  If you haven’t experienced an Andy Milligan film, don’t start here.  I recommend beginning with GURU THE MAD MONK and branching out from there.  However, if you’re a burgeoning fan or a maladjusted, obsessive Milligan freak like me, THE DEGENERATES must be seen!  

My obsession is now a fashion statement!

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Click TRICKS OF THE TRADE for a look at the script for another one of Andy Milligan’s lost films! 
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My books are tragically nothing like a Milligan film, but you can still find a degenerate character or two within their pages. 

Bomb Shelter Boogie (a poem)

Burning like a neon sun 
Radiating like an atomic missile  
Duck and cover   
As I detonate 
Fulminating in verbal fire 
Billowing blazing words 
Scorching my world  
Venting the pent-up 
Fractured frustrations  
From biting a tongue 
Gnawing it pulpy raw   
Rivulets of crimson 
Pouring down my chin  
Drowning my body  
Until I can’t take it 
Insides ablaze 
Burning like a neon sun 

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2026, John L. Harmon 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. click a title for more radiating words…

Reconstruction 

In Sight 

Convalescent
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My blazing books…