DECONSTRUCTING STURGEONS (the stories behind the story of a fictional little town)

July 16, 2023 was an important day in my personal history.  It was officially the last day my sister and I delivered bad news around town.  Unofficially, we ended up doing it another week until the newspaper found a replacement carrier.  It was also the day I clicked “Publish” three times.  Once for the Kindle ebook, a second time for the paperback and a third time for the hardcover of STURGEONS (the complete serials).  To celebrate its anniversary, here is the story behind the two stories comprising this one book… 

It was a dark and stormy evening in June 2013 as I drove home from a friend’s wedding in Omaha, Nebraska.  The sun was setting, and the rain was torrential as I slowly made my way west on interstate 80.  I was pulling into Grand Island, Nebraska when the rain finally subsided, but darkness had enveloped me.  Home was still an hour away and lightning flashed in the direction I was headed, so I made a decision to seek refuge in a big yellow house.

The inhabitants of this most curious dwelling welcomed me, for they were a cousin and a mutual friend.  Conversation and cannibalism ensued as we caught up on life and then watched a particularly heartwarming Asian film titled ZOMBIE ASS.  Sleep was required after such an emotionally compelling experience, so we retired to our separate sleeping arrangements to wait for whatever morning would bring us. 

My cousin and I, two early risers, were sitting at the kitchen table chatting about this, that and whatever, when our mutual friend joined us with his shiny new computer tablet. I had never seen one before, and he was eager to show us how he could take photos and record videos with it.  Plus, he could perform a voice-activated Internet search with just a touch of the screen.  My first ebook had been published earlier that year, so after several other ideas, I asked him to search for DARK EXCURSIONS. 

He tapped the screen and said, “Dark Excursions.”  A few seconds zipped by and the tablet’s feminine computer voice spoke, “Results for Darkening Sturgeons.”  Simultaneous laughter erupted between the three of us and I instantly knew I had to create something from this wayward voice-activated Internet search.  So, that’s exactly what I did. 

DARKENING STURGEONS, a modern take on 1950’s sci-fi/horror films, became my first blog serial.  It ran from June 2013 to January 2014.  My goal had been to release one chapter a week, but sometimes I got so behind on writing and editing that I  had to skip a week here and there.  This was an exhilarating and exhausting creative experience and I was so proud to have finished the story.  I eventually released all 26 chapters of DARKENING STURGEONS as a Kindle ebook in October 2015.  The cover is a seriously filtered and manipulated photo of the neighborhood I was living in at the time. 

I wouldn’t release another ebook until January 2019.  One of the reasons for this was losing a chunk of my vision in December 2016.  Watching as my world appeared to be fading away left me emotionally like a teenager again.  My body was changing, betraying me, and, at any given moment, I was prone to explode into anger, tears or laughter.  Maybe this is part of the reason why my sister didn’t want me to help deliver bad news around town.  I wanted to feel useful, so I argued I could still do it.  She eventually agreed, but she didn’t want me actually delivering the newspapers because of uneven ground and unforeseen obstacles.  I understood and shared this concern.  As a compromise, I rode along and rolled the newspapers, which was actually more helpful than it sounds. 

It was a dark and tranquil early morning in January 2017 as I sat alone in the car.  Plenty of papers were rolled and my sister was delivering the bad news to one of our customers with an endlessly long driveway.  I was existing in a perpetual state of waiting.  Waiting for the appointment with an eye specialist.  Waiting to find out if my vision loss was reversible.  (SPOILER ALERT: it wasn’t.)  Waiting for whatever was to come next.  My thoughts were spiraling around the terrifying possibilities of the unknown and that’s when I felt a large swelling of despair racing towards me like a tidal wave.  I had felt these depths many times as I saw my world disappearing before my eyes, but I didn’t want to feel it again.  Especially since my sister would return to the car soon. 

I knew I wouldn’t be able to completely prevent the wave from crashing upon my being, but I hoped I could lessen the impact.  My mind focused on what I had accomplished up to that point.  I briefly thought of old, unreleased stuff, but I mainly sorted through more recent creative endeavors.  Going back and forth between my books and blog, I celebrated my words, my characters, my stories, in case my medical crisis was to be the end of my own story.  Then I solely focused on DARKENING STURGEONS because deep down it was my favorite published creation.  The goofy/serious plot, the assortment of quirky characters and how it was all so randomly created could always make me smile. 

That’s when I heard a voice in my head.  A voice I didn’t recognize, and he asked a startling question.  What do I remember about the day my hometown was destroyed?  It was as if someone had asked him the question and he was repeating it before answering.  The answer unfolded behind my diminished eyes and I was swept back into the rebuilt town of Sturgeons, which I had always wanted to revisit.  I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks because I suddenly experienced a twinge of hope.  Hope that I would make it through the chaos and find a way to tell this tale, and I did…eventually. 

HAUNTING STURGEONS, the emotional aftermath of a sci-fi/horror cataclysmic event, became my second blog serial, after two false starts.  I wrote a few chapters later in 2017, but it was too big and too overwhelming of a project at the time.  Then I seriously planned a creative revolution in 2018, but ended up writing VISION BENT (half-blind poems) instead, which I released in 2019.  Years later, after that question, What do I remember about the day my hometown was destroyed, kept reverberating through my mind on a loop, I finally made HAUNTING STURGEONS a reality. 

This blog serial ran for 26 chapters, plus a prologue and epilogue, from August 2021 to March 2022.  Much like DS, releasing one chapter a week of HAUNTING STURGEONS, with a much needed winter holiday break, was creatively exhilarating, exhausting and stressful, in a good way.  What amazed me was the finished story adhered almost verbatim to what had originally unfolded behind my eyes all those years ago.  In September 2022, I released the Kindle ebook edition and I’m still pretty proud of it because it was the first ebook I fully wrote and published strictly using my tablet.  My previous ebooks/books had required technological assistance from the library. 

Then, in 2023, after briefly considering and scrapping a third blog serial, I started editing DARKENING STURGEONS and HAUNTING STURGEONS into a 2-in-1 volume.  I went through a few title options, including The Sturgeons Dichotomy,  but I decided simplicity, and acknowledging its origins, was best, so the book became STURGEONS (the complete serials).  The cover is an altered A.I. image originally generated by Dave of My Gay Opinion and his partner to celebrate the release of HS as an ebook.  

There you have it, the stories behind my fictional little town.  Once again, thank you to anyone who has visited STURGEONS in any of its various forms. Plus, thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

I’ll leave you with a few photos of STURGEONS sent to me by my awesome  readers! 📗

Photo courtesy of Fred’s Shed of Sniffable Stuff

Photo courtesy of The Cornwall Museum of Curious Creations 

Photo courtesy of The Florida Library of Forbidden Fiction 

Photo courtesy of The Cali Kindle Pop-Up Exhibit

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. click the pic to discover how I whipped the midnight oil… 

freakboy on film: THE BABYSITTER (1969)

I took a pic of my Vinegar Syndrome Halfway-To-Black Friday sale haul and I almost didn’t share it on Facebook.  My hesitation stemmed from people, either directly or indirectly, attempting to shame me for buying stuff.  Instead of hiding away my love of collecting weird cinema, I proudly shined a spotlight on my purchase and was rewarded for my bravery to be my freaky self! 🤓

A friend’s father saw my eclectic cinematic collection and suggested I should look for THE BABYSITTER (1969).  For context, my friend’s father loves movies and was the only one I knew who had seen THREE IN THE ATTIC (1968) when I blogged about it a couple of years ago.  I was compelled to immediately search for THE BABYSITTER and found a tantalizing trailer that both shocked and amused me. 

In other words, I knew I had to see this film!  Then I found a DVD from Code Red on eBay and I didn’t give it a second thought as I ordered it that very night.  Never mind the Vinegar Syndrome stack that had just arrived.  😏 

directed by Don Henderson / screenplay by James E. McLarty/ original story by George E. Carey & Don Henderson

George and Edith Maxwell are a middle-aged married couple with an accidental baby daughter after a frisky drunken night.  They also have an adult daughter, Joan, who is off at college or somewhere, which is why they need a babysitter for yet another riveting night of bridge. 

Liquor is quicker…

Candy Wilson is the perky blond babysitter who just wants to have fun, laugh and feel things.  Maybe that’s why she throws a little party in the Maxwell’s basement while they are away.  She confesses this to George, but he gives her a ride home anyway.  This ride includes a stop at a burger drive-in and a side of heavy flirting from the babysitter.  George tries to resist the sweet charm of Candy, but things get very sticky very quickly, in more ways than one. 

…but Candy is dandy!

Julie Freeman is a young biker chick desperately in love with her biker boyfriend Laurence Mackey.  The problem is Laurence is in the slammer waiting trial for murdering a young woman, but Julie has a plan.  She will blackmail the prosecuting attorney, who happens to be George, with photos of his daughter in a compromising lesbian position.  Julie believes, since it’s 1969, this scandal will force George to get her murderous boyfriend’s charges dropped.  

If all else fails, Julie will just pee in the pool.

Well, Julie’s plan backfires when Joan has the nerve to make out with her girlfriend behind frosted glass.  However, a middle-aged man and a teen girl/young woman (how old is Candy anyway?) aren’t quite so cautious.  Julie takes a slew of pics as the attorney and the babysitter splish-splash in the pool.  She then threatens to send incriminating copies to George’s wife and his boss at the law firm.  

There’s not enough bleach to clean this pool!

Will George further compromise his compromised morals?  Will Candy simply want to listen to music and dance her cares away?  Will Edith just want to play another round of bridge?  Will Joan have more screen time after her titillating sapphic steam room scene?  I seriously considered revealing the twists and turns of the ending, but my lips are sealed this time.  

Joan wants to tell…

George E. Carey (who also had a hand in the story…say what you will about that) & Anne Bellamy as George & Edith Maxwell are believable as a middle-aged couple who have lost their spark.  Sheri Jackson as Joan Maxwell doesn’t have much to do other than to be a lesbian, but she doesn’t hesitate in her role.  Kathy Williams as Julie Freeman is the weak link in this well-acted exploitation film.  She just lacks that punch her character called for. 

I must give special attention to Patricia Wymer as babysitter Candy Wilson.  She has an almost hypnotic screen presence, with such expressive eyes.  Wymer can convey so much with just a glance that sometimes it’s easy for the audience to know exactly what her character is thinking.  Sometimes though, and I think deliberately, we are left questioning Candy’s motives.  According to IMDb, Patricia Wymer only acted in three films and tragically died in a housefire in 1993 at the age of 46.  Her bio also states that she was a cat lover who worked as a hospice worker, so I feel she must have been a very kind person who died way too young. 

R.I.P. 😔 

In conclusion…

I will definitely accept film suggestions from my friend’s father in the future!  THE BABYSITTER was exactly my cup of cinematic tea.  Funny, offbeat, crazy, surprising, and surprisingly thoughtful, I seriously recommend this to anyone who loves low budget drive-in exploitation!  

SIDE NOTE: For the record, THE TOPLESS STORY (1965), the other feature on the Code Red DVD, is a ridiculous and somewhat entertaining film from Switzerland about a female magazine reporter following a male fashion designer around the world.  The film is dubbed in English, but the two voice actors narrate the story like it’s a travelogue.  In a way, it sort of is, just with scantily clad women…and men.  Guess 1960’s Switzerland was all about #equality.  

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. click the pic for a recent post concerning my halfway to Black Friday Vinegar Syndrome purchase… 

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STURGEONS is the place to be this summer! 

Fear of Past Tomorrows (a poem)

Shadows of yesteryear 
reverberate through time  
pounding on the door 
official act demands 
lay your undesirables 
on the unclean floor 
round them up 
rejected  
for the alleged safety 
and greatness of all 
once friends 
and neighbors 
loved ones you chose  
to sanctimoniously vilify 
turn against 
dragged away 
disappeared  
from your 
hateful 
homogenized 
nevermore 

~~~~~~~~~~~~
2024, John L. Harmon 

Freak Out, 
JLH 
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Other poems from this author…

freakboy on film: The Films of Doris Wishman: THE TWILIGHT YEARS (1970-1977)

I went a bit mad during Vinegar Syndrome’s Halfway-To-Black Friday sale.  Along with low budget horror and an Ed Wood film or two, I purchased three box sets collecting a large chunk of Doris Wishman films.  Technically, I became sort of aware of this exploitation writer/director thanks to John Waters’ SERIAL MOM (1994).  In a memorable scene, a sexually amped up character seriously enjoys scenes of the extremely busty actress Chesty Morgan in DEADLY WEAPONS and DOUBLE AGENT 73, but I never researched those films at the time.

Fast forward to my Andy Milligan obsession over the last few years.  The name Doris Wishman kept popping up in the books I was reading about Milligan, but, for some reason, I let her name slip by like a whisper.  Maybe I wasn’t ready for Wishman or I needed a trigger.  Well, when the Bill Landis biography briefly described the plots of THE AMAZING TRANSPLANT and LET ME DIE A WOMAN, I was more than ready to pull that trigger and blow myself into the cinematic bizarro world of Doris Wishmam, starting with the third box set first because that’s how i roll, baby…

All films directed by Doris Wishman

DEADLY WEAPONS (1974) 

written by Judy J. Kushner, Wishman’s niece

All Crystal (Chesty Morgan) wants is to be a good daughter to her father and to marry her mobster lover Larry.  After Larry double-crosses his boss and gets whacked, Crystal is out for revenge.  The weapons of choice are her two massive mammaries, which she will use to suffocate the men who killed Larry.  With low-budget violence, unusual nudity, great music and what often sounds like dubbed dialogue (a Doris Wishman staple), this is the crime drama/revenge picture Quentin Tarantino wishes he had made!  Harry Reems, as a mobster, gives one of the better performances, but maybe that’s because his real voice is heard.  Let’s face it though, the real star is obviously Chesty Morgan’s 73-inch bust! 

DOUBLE AGENT 73 (1974) 

written by Judy J. Kushner & Doris Wishman

Secret Agent 73, aka Jane Genet (Chesty Morgan) just wants to settle down with fellow agent Atlantis 7, aka Tim, but first she must track down and eliminate members of a drug ring.  She must also photograph their faces using a camera implanted in her left breast, but, unbeknownst to her, the camera is also a bomb!  This is a delirious film with a similar vibe to DEADLY WEAPONS.  The sound of the camera clicking followed by a flash of light whenever she lifts her left breast is a continuously funny gimmick, but I much more enjoyed the shock of seeing Chesty suffocating men with her “deadly weapons” in the previous film.  What does that say about me? 

THE AMAZING TRANSPLANT(1970) 

written by Doris Wishman 

Mary Thorne just wants to lounge around naked while playing her harpsichord  (not a metaphor) but Arthur Barlen wants to get back together.  Just when a compromise seems to be reached, Arthur kills Mary during sex.  What happened to drive this boy next door to commit such a ghastly crime?  It’s up to his detective uncle to discover the lurid reason for Arthur’s criminal behavior, leading to a mysterious doctor and an unethical surgical procedure.  This detective story of rape and murder is less gritty and more Ed Wood, but I couldn’t look away as the truth of gold earrings and a penis transplant is revealed.  With some of the backstory details, I think Arthur can be seen as a repressed queer man who believes a different penis will make him hetero-centric.  That’s just my opinion though. 

LET ME DIE A WOMAN (1977) 

written by Doris Wishman 

This quasi-documentary examines transsexualism in a scientific and often sympathetic light.  However, at its core, this is an exploitation film.  The scientific jargon is overlayed with scenes of sex and violence meant to shock and titillate.  Personally, the subject matter did not shock me, but how it was presented was often uncomfortable and bizarre.  Much like Ed Wood’s GLEN OR GLENDA (1953), LET ME DIE A WOMAN feels simultaneously progressive and backwards in its attitudes.  In the end, this is an ultimately fascinating film that must be seen to be believed!

THE IMMORAL THREE  (1975) 

written by Judy J. Kushner & Robert Jahn 

Agent 73, who is either a different agent or she got a breast reduction surgery, has been murdered!  Now it’s up to her three surprise daughters, who never even met their mother, to find the murderer and inherit One Million dollars each.  The catch is the inheritance will be divided between the surviving sisters if any should die, but the attorney gets the money if all of them die.  Trippy, funny and absolutely bonkers, THE IMMORAL THREE answers one of the great cinematic questions of all time…What if Russ Meyer and Ed Wood had a baby daughter and nursed her on Andy Milligan’s THE GHASTLY ONES (1968)?  Ok, maybe I’m the only one who asked. 

KEYHOLES ARE FOR PEEPING (1972) 

written by Doris Wishman & Louis Burdi 

Stanley Bebbles (Sammy Petrillo, sort of a low-rent Jerry Lewis), is a schmuck who lives in an apartment with his mother.  Against all odds, he has somehow become a marriage counselor.  As Stanley is slipping his cards under the neighbors’ doors, Manuel (the super, not the janitor) is peeping through keyholes at randy couples.  Yup, that’s pretty much the plot and it drags between some amusing moments.  Speaking of drag, one highlight is Petrillo doing double duty as Stanley’s nagging mother.  This is easily the least effective film in the bunch, but has its charms, in a way. 

LOVE TOY (1971) 

written by Judy J. Kushner & Lawrence Perrin

Marcus has just lost his home, his factory and his money to Alex in a game of cards.  Instead of bankrupting the man, Alex makes an indecent proposal.  He will give everything back if he can spend one night with Marcus’ daughter.  Yeah, talk about a skeevy premise, but just when you think you know what’s going to happen, things get weird and then even weirder.  Nothing can quite prepare you for this psychosexual therapy session from Hell!  I mean that in the best way possible. 

The one, the only…Doris Wishman!

What have I learned about Doris Wishman (1912-2002) from her films and the various audio commentaries?  She got into filmmaking after her husband, a film distributor, died.  She was a savvy businesswoman.  She had a sharp sense of humor and was a shameless flirt.  She was very short in stature but was the center of every room she entered.  She was a contradiction in being a proper, classy lady who made these wildly crazy films.  In other words, Doris Wishman was a 4th of July firecracker disguised as a grandmotherly figure.  She even supposedly didn’t agree with the feminist movement of the ‘70’s, but she sure as hell embraced the revolution by being a female exploitation filmmaker at a tine when women of authority were nearly as scarce in the film industry as a print of Tod Browning’s LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT (1927).  

In conclusion…This AGFA/Something Weird box set proved to be a seriously memorable introduction to Doris Wishman!  Her hypnotically colorful idea of filmmaking held me riveted in place.  In other words, I laughed, I screamed and I wondered what the hell I was watching!  The mind-bending experience has left me wanting more because she is definitely my brand of crazy!  If you’d care to join me, dress in your 1970’s Sunday best and mentally prepare yourself for the wondrously weird world of Doris Wishman! 

BTW, even though this collection is called THE TWILIGHT YEARS, Doris Wishman was a combustion of creativity and would continue making films into the 21st Century!  However, before I can go forward, I must take a step back to THE MOONLIGHT YEARS… 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

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The hot month of July is the best time to visit the town of STURGEONS…

freakboy on film: DESPERATE LIVING (1977)

Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈

I was planning to write film reviews for at least the first four letters in LGBTQ+ but life had other plans.  However, I wasn’t about to miss the chance to blog about one of my favorite films from one of my favorite underground queer filmmakers, which includes lots of L and maybe a few other letters.

“If it’s good enough for Gertrude Stein…”

Peggy Gravel is having a bad day after getting home from the mental hospital.  The neighborhood kids tried to assassinate her with a baseball!  Her children are having sex!  She has just killed her husband with the help of her 300-pound maid Grizelda!  To top it all off, Peggy received a phone call from the wrong number!  What are Peggy and Grizelda, two sisters-in-crime, supposed to do now?  Flee to the city of Mortville, where criminals can live free, at least according to a kinky cop who enjoys kissing women while wearing their panties. 

Fashion goals!

Mole McHenry is having a bad day after her  last tenant shot himself the night before.  She is a man trapped in a woman’s body!  Her girlfriend, Muffy St. Jacques, is having dirty thoughts about dirty men!  To top it all off, Mole’s cupboards are bare!  What are Mole and Muffy, the ultimate opposites attract couple, supposed to do now?  Rent the spare room to Peggy and Grizelda and pin their hope on winning the Maryland state lottery so they can escape the big nothing of Mortville, obviously.

This could be us but you playin’!

Queen Carlotta is having a bad day after her daughter, Princess Coo-Coo, ran off with a nudist garbageman!  She is busy exerting her royal powers on the new arrivals to her kingdom! Then someone dared to throw a mudball at her on Backwards Day!  To top it all off, one of her guards has an odor emanating from somewhere on his body!  What is Queen Carlotta supposed to do now?  Find a new heir to the thrown and spread rabies throughout the population, starting with her delinquent daughter, of corse.

Royal Proclamation: Readers of this blog must watch Desperate Living! 

These women’s stories converge in an eruption of sex, violence and maybe a little cannibalism, for good measure.  Yes, it’s revolution day in Mortville, and things may never be the same again!  I could say more, but you’ll have to watch to find out what happens in this very different film. 

Never provoke a pissed off princess!

How much do I love DESPERATE LIVING?  I call it my favorite pre-Hairspray John Waters film.  The plot is dark, the characters are crazy and the humor exists in its own plane of existence.  My first experience with this hysterically angry film was on VHS back in the 1990’s.  I was sick and had to go out for medicine, so I figured I’d spread my disease by stopping at Hollywood Video.  At the time, I had only seen HAIRSPRAY, CRY-BABY, SERIAL MOM and POLYESTER, so nothing really prepared me for DESPERATE LIVING!  It shocked and initially revolted me, but I laughed way too much and way too hard at the visceral situations and inspired dialogue.  I even have a Peggy Gravel sound bite on my phone’s voice mail greeting because I want to show people how important they are to me…

PEGGY GRAVEL:  “Hello?” (pause) “What number are you calling?” (pause) “You’ve dialed the wrong number!” (pause) “Sorry?  What good is that?  How can you ever repay the 30 seconds you have stolen from my life?” 

Me answering the phone! 

For some reason, callers rarely leave a message after the beep, but I can’t imagine why.  😏 

Writer/director John Waters has created a gangbusters film.  It helps he surrounded himself with a spectacular cast!  Mink Stole as Peggy Gravel (“I don’t want some renegade necrophile princess as my roommate.”) is perfectly cast as she throws vicious verbal daggers with perfect precision.  Jean Hill as Grizelda Brown (“I don’t want no white man looking at my Tampax!”) is so brazenly wild that you’ll forget Divine is absent in this Waters film.  Susan Lowe as Mole McHenry (“So much for science, Muffy!”) is the emotional and physical embodiment of aggressively angry punk.  Liz Renay as Muffy St. Jacques (“I was having an erotic dream.”) is radiantly fun and funny as the most beautiful woman in Mortville.  Edith Massey as Queen Carlotta (“You are interrupting my flow of power!”) adds another maniacally memorable character to her John Waters résumé.  Mary Vivian Pearce as Princess Coo-Coo (“Herbert doesn’t care if I have ears.  He only cares about my mind.”) presents a naïve innocence and is possibly the one truly sympathetic character in this bonkers film.

John Waters & the cast

In conclusion, 
Even though no one is eating dog poo, DESPERATE LIVING is nearly as shocking as PINK FLAMINGOS.  The plot and dialogue often take some truly out there twists and turns.  One early scene (“Is that what you learned in private school?”) must surely skirt a fine line of what can legally be shown in a film.  So, if you are in the mood for an in your face story that pushes the envelope of bad taste, then wear your clothes backwards and enjoy DESPERATE LIVING!  I have probably watched it more than any of John Waters other films, which is why I am impatiently waiting for Criterion to release an extras-packed blu-ray edition!  

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. Click the pic ⤵️ for a Totally Rocking Super Star Extraordinaire review of FIRST PERIOD from Dave of My Gay Opinion! 🏳️‍🌈
You’re Welcome! 

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My queer little books are available from an Amazon near you…