freakboy on film: IF I’M LUCKY (1946)

When Rebecca of Taking Up Room announced The Vivian Blaine Blogathon for October 2-4, 2026, my first thought was, naturally, Perry Como.  Before my Andy Milligan obsession, my ears were tuned in and turned on to the ultra-smooth, uber-mellow musical stylings of The Como!  Since I already blogged a bit about DOLL FACE (1945), and I’m not touching SOMETHING FOR THE BOYS (1944), my only remaining choice for a Blaine/Como vehicle was IF I’M LUCKY (1946). 

The plot is pure joyful musical nonsense wrapped around a political satire of sorts.  Wally (Phil Silvers) is getting the band back together for a gig with Titan Tires.  The main members of the band include his girlfriend/harp player/singer Michelle (Carmen Miranda), trumpeter Earl (Harry James) and, last but not least, singer Linda (Vivian Blaine).  There are several other members but they aren’t important to the plot. 

When the Titan Tires gig falls flat, the band is on the street and hungry.  Salvation for an empty stomach is found in the most unlikely place, a political rally.  While devouring free hot dogs, the band notices nobody is listening to the candidate running for governor.  Thankful for full bellies, the band puts on a show, which keeps butts in seats and makes the candidate happy and popular.  The candidate thanks the band by hiring them for all of his political rallies.  It’s during one of these events that Allen (Perry Como) shows up with a song and a desire to break into the business of show.  

Please stop singing into my eye!

Allen’s song is a hit, so he joins the band and catches the eye of Linda.  Things seem to be coming up aces for everyone.  The band has a steady gig, Allen and Linda are singing duets, and the candidate is more popular than ever! That is until a political committee blackmails the candidate so the current governor will win the election.  Before you know it, Allen goes from crooner to candidate, and the constituents love him!  Will Allen become the next governor?  Will Linda lose her duet partner?  Will Michelle run out of quirky hats to wear?  Will Wally throw his back out lugging around Michelle’s harp?  Will the political committee use Allen for their own nefarious purposes?  I’ll just say that a musical from the 1940’s, even a black & white one, will probably end happily. 

The bus driver is ready to drive off a cliff.

I could go on about how amusing it is to watch Perry Como acting like an ingénue when he was already a crooning chart-topper.  I could lament the Technicolor tragedy of the vibrantly dressed Carmen Miranda being relegated to black and white.  However, we are here to celebrate Vivian Blaine!  

Betty White?

According to IMDb, Vivian Blaine was born Vivian Sarah Stapleton on November 21, 1921.  It sounds like Blaine was a Broadway star, originating many roles, including Miss Adelaide in Guys and Dolls and would later appear in the 1955 film.  As Linda in IF I’M LUCKY, Vivian Blaine is humorous, charming and appears to be having fun.  Though maybe not as much fun as she was having in the “Pet Me Poppa” number in Guys and Dolls, which is literally the only thing I remember about that movie.  

Sadly, this singer-dancer-actor triple threat died on December 9, 1995.  Her last appearance was in a 1985 episode of Murder, She Wrote, so at least Vivian Blaine took her final bow in style.  

Thanks for the song and dance!

In conclusion…
IF I’M LUCKY may not be the best film in Blaine’s decades-spanning career, but I enjoy the innocent humor and the general ridiculousness of the whole thing.  If you’re a Vivian Blaine completist or a Carmen Miranda fan or obsessed with Perry Como, then put on a quirky hat, slip on your dancing shoes and “follow the band” to IF I’M LUCKY! 

SIDE NOTE: During my research, I learned IF I’M LUCKY is a remake of THANKS A MILLION (1935).  Just more proof that Hollywood has always been about remakes. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  I’m not going to stop going on and on and on about surviving the poetry happening that happened in Chadron, Nebraska! 
📜 
https://freakboyzone.blogspot.com/2026/09/i-survived-homegrown-poetry-event-in.html
📜 

freakboy on film: CANNIBAL GIRLS (1973)

A fresh, young couple take a trip and end up having car problems in a quaint, small town.  The inhabitants of this quaint, small town seem odd, yet nice enough, but maybe they simply want to have outsiders over as dinner.  Will the fresh, young couple escape or wind up as leftovers? 

Tragically, it’s not 1970s horror porn!

I couldn’t resist ordering CANNIBAL GIRLS from Vinegar Syndrome, partly because of the fun title, but mostly for the two leads.  I mean, the fresh, young couple are portrayed by Eugene Levy (Schitt‘s Creek) and Andrea Martin (Black Christmas), both of SCTV fame.  Then throw in Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters) as the director and CANNIBAL GIRLS should have been a tasty treat. 

Miss Manners does not approve!

Should being the operative word.

 
I found CANNIBAL GIRLS to be unbearably slow, with little suspense or humor.  Should I blame director Ivan Reitman?  Should I blame screenplay writer Robert Sandler?  (I can’t in good conscience blame Mr. Sandler since IMDb credits him as writing a handful of episodes of the original Fraggle Rock.)  Maybe I should just blame the cast because, according to IMDB, most of the dialogue was…shudder…improvised. 

Me watching improv.

In conclusion…
The most interesting thing about CANNIBAL GIRLS is Eugene Levy’s hair. 

The new Jan Brady!

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  click the Cannibal Daddy pic for more cannibals… 👇

~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I sold my soul for Doctor Who, but ended up on a Freaky Muppet Jonas trip instead!

Fine! 

I did it! 

I was weak and backsliding, like Carrie’s fanatical mom, and subscribed to Disney+ so my sister and I could finally catch up on Doctor Who!  

Have we been watching Doctor Who though? 

Nope.

We immediately started watching The Muppet Show (1976-1981).  It may even be funnier and more outrageous than we remembered, and it also proves Disney doesn’t have a clue what to do with these wonderfully sardonic, violent, sexual and irreverent characters in the 21st Century!  My only concern is being triggered with nightmarish childhood flashbacks when we get to the episode horrifyingly featured in An American Werewolf in London (1981)! 

Next we were going to watch Bride Hard (2025) because it stars Rebel Wilson.  Ugh, it was so painfully unfunny that we gave up after 10 or 15 minutes.  Instead, we watched Freaky Friday (1976), the one with Jodie Foster, who is always worth watching, and we still enjoyed this classic.  Sure, allegedly savvy, modern audiences might find the original dated now, but you just can’t beat the absolute charm of the opening credits!  I learned from Gill at Realweegiemidget
Reviews that “I’d Like to Be You for a Day” is sung by stars Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster! 

Then, I guess to prove my sister and I are not stuck in the past, we started watching and actually finished A Very Jonas Brothers Christmas Movie (2025).  For the sake of this post, and to take away any boy band blackmail power from Dave of My Gay Opinion, I confess that, for a very brief moment in time, I listened to the Jonas Brothers and may even still have one of their CDs.  So, of course we had to watch their Christmas movie.  The plot is completely ridiculous, but some terrifically funny guest stars, such as Will Ferrell, Laverne Cox, Andrea Martin, Billie Lourd and Randall Park kept us entertained.  However, I kept thinking the movie needed less singing and more of whatever this is…

What happens on the Jonas plane, stays on the Jonas plane!

In conclusion…
Maybe for such a fun, trippy Disney+ experience, my soul was worth the price of admission…so far!

 
Now on to Doctor Who and more of The Muppet Show!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  A Pennsylvania reader’s feline companion is eager to check out my Dawson’s Creek parody! 

📘 

channel freakboy: THE SNOOP SISTERS (1972-1974)

Before Jessica Fletcher started suspiciously turning up whenever a murder occurs, there was mystery novelist Ernesta Snoop and her sister Gwendolyn (call her “G”) Snoop Nicholson, who happily types out Ernesta’s manuscripts.  Through five 90 minute episodes, this duo solved murders, found suspected dead persons alive and even proved their own innocence in an attempted murder!  They did all of this surrounded by familiar faces, such as Vincent Price, Roddy McDowall, Geraldine Page, Jill Clayburgh, Bert Convy, Bo Svenson, Bernie Casey, Katherine Helmand, and Alice Cooper.  Yes, you read that correctly!  Alice Cooper even performs a song and does a bit of decent acting! 

I found THE SNOOP SISTERS at a thrift store during a day trip in a different town.  Neither my sister nor I had ever heard of this series.  I initially thought it was British, but when my sister read the back, I realized I was wrong.  According to the box, THE SNOOP SISTERS was part of a rotating NBC Mystery Movie series, which explains the limited number of lengthy episodes.  

Helen Hayes as Ernesta and Mildred Natwick as “G” have fantastic sisterly chemistry.  They finish each other sentences and sometimes communicate without even completing a sentence.  If they overhear their police detective nephew discussing the case as they are leaving a room, they turn around in unison to overhear more.  Together, they make for a delightfully quirky duo who will not stop until the mystery is solved. 

The pilot episode, “The Female Instinct” (S1 E0, according to IMDb) is the best in the short-lived series.  The story revolves around a former movie star who is murdered after she announces the impending publication of a scandalous tell-all book.  Ernesta and “G” knew the woman, so they take it upon themselves to investigate, with the occasional assistance of their ex-con chauffeur.  Eccentric characters come and go, culminating with all the suspects gathered in a drawing room for the big reveal.  It seems like a typical whodunit, but the charming idiosyncrasies of Ernesta and “G” elevate the plot.  Plus, the sisters get to pursue the murderer in their 1930’s Lincoln as their nephew pursues them in a commandeered ice cream truck!  

The best thing about the pilot episode is it allows THE SNOOP SISTERS to naturally be their quirky, curious, incisive selves, with verbal word play that is clever and funny.  With maybe the exception of “Fear is a Free-Throw” (S1 E2), where “G” is a prime suspect in an attempted murder, the other episodes tone down their quirky charm and instead focus more on the guest stars or placing the sisters in silly situations.  I mean, yes, it is amusing to see Ernesta and “G” dressed up as the Frankenstein monster and his Bride in “A Black Day for Bluebeard” (S1 E4), but it lacks that special something from the pilot. 

In conclusion… 
THE SNOOP SISTERS may not become my favorite mystery series, but it is an enjoyable early ‘70’s romp.  All of the guest stars are fun, but the title characters are the reason to watch.  When Ernesta and “G” are allowed to take the spotlight, they shine bright with eccentric glitter.  So, pull up a cozy chair and enjoy THE SNOOP SISTERS as they snoop and snoop and snoop!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. In case you’re an Alice Cooper completist, the rock legend appears in “The Devil Made Me Do It” (S1 E3) 

freakboy on film: SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS (1972)

I knew I was going to order a copy the second I saw the colorful AGFA blue-ray cover while scrolling through Vinegar Syndrome. 

Checking out the synopsis and watching the exuberantly eccentric trailer fully sealed the deal.

With expectations skyrocketing, I popped in SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS the day it arrived.  What did I think?  Did it live up to my cucumber dreams or was I left tending a garden of disappointments? 

The film wasn’t quite the zippy-zany romp the trailer’s infectiously quirky music implied.  In fact, that piece of music tragically does not appear in the film.  However, putting aside that disappointment, SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS defied my expectations by taking me on an unexpected journey. 

Eve Harrington (yes, everyone is named after famous Hollywood characters) leaves home and seemingly conservative parents in Topeka, Kansas for the chance of being a star in New York City.  Upon arriving in the Big Apple, Eve is taken to the Chelsea Hotel by an aggressive taxi driver nun and then reconnects with longtime friend Margo Channing.  This connection opens doors to Eve’s dreams of finding a man, a roommate and stardom.  One door leads to Mary Poppins, a force of fabulous nature who doesn’t offer a spoonful of sugar with her roommate recommendations.  Another door is a passageway to Eve’s first New York party and a film producer who is more than he appears.  Will Eve find a man or a roommate?  Will Eve succeed in the quest to become a twinkling star? 

Due in large part to the trailer, I was expecting a fast-paced, crazy blast of lost 1970’s queer cinema.  SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS was rediscovered a few years ago and it ultimately is a joyfully fun experience, just with a more mellow, low-key zany vibe.  Screenwriter Sandra Scoppettone and director Robert J. Kaplan crafted a loosey-goosey film celebrating the outsider, but it may take a couple of viewings to fully appreciate what they accomplished.

I must shine the twinkling spotlight on the two main reasons to seek out SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS.  Tally Brown as Mary Poppins steals every scene with style.  Ms. Brown could be the cabaret love child of Divine and Edith Massey, especially when Miss Poppins belts out a tune about being born and raised in a brothel.  Then there is Holly Woodlawn (known for being one of Andy Warhol’s Superstars) as the loveably quirky Eve Harrington!  Holly also portrays one of Eve’s suitors, Rhett Butler, but it’s Eve who fits Holly like a glove.  It’s refreshingly delightful to see a trans actress in the lead role as far back as the 1970’s.  During Eve’s black & white musical fantasy number, Holly Woodlawn gets to sum up the overall theme of the film in song…

🎵 You are what you are, if you think that you are!  I think, if I’m twinkling, I must be a star!🎵

Twinkle on Holly Woodlawn, you will always be a timeless star in SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS! 

In conclusion…
SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS may not have been the film I expected, but it ended up being the film I needed.  It’s almost as if an early John Waters film took some happy pills and celebrated outsiders with a sweet, nearly innocent lens.  Throw in a song by Bette Midler and a voice cameo by Lily Tomlin and you have the perfect low budget LGBTQ+ film for 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month🏳️‍⚧️!  So, grab some vanilla ice cream and enjoy SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS! 
🥒 🥒🥒🥒🥒
I can’t stop saying that awesome title, even though it was inspired by a passage from the Bible. 😱

SIDE NOTE…
You Tube, at the moment, appears to be streaming SCARECROW IN A GARDEN OF CUCUMBERS. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. Pride 

Month ain’t over yet, and Pride will never be over, so read or listen to a queer book today! 

🏳️‍🌈 📚 

freakboy on film: CRITTERS 3 (1991)

Click for more reviews

Earlier this year, I dropped the shocking revelation of how much I love TITANIC (1997).  So, when Brian from FILMS FROM BEYOND THE TIME BARRIER announced The Third 'Favorite Stars in B Movies' Blogathon, I had to think about it.  I mean, I already blogged about Rock Hudson going all mad scientist and Bette Davis & Joan Crawford taking sibling rivalry to the extreme.  This time I wanted to write about an acting talent before fame came a-knockin’.  After scrolling through and striking out with the IMDb pages of a few well-known names, I thought of TITANIC and suddenly, I was king of the blogging world!  I would review Leonardo DiCaprio in the direct-to-video sequel CRITTERS 3! 

I’ll never let go, Jack.

screenplay by David J. Schow/directed by Kristine Peterson

In case you don’t know, CRITTERS is a sci-fi/horror film franchise about ferocious little aliens who devour everything in their path.  They even have porcupine-like quills they can shoot to paralyze their prey.  CRITTERS (1986) is the best of the GREMLINS rip-offs.  The original centers around a farm family fighting against the killer alien furballs and was inspired by an allegedly true incident in Kentucky from 1955.  Several eyewitnesses claim to have defended their farm from little aliens whose flying saucer had landed nearby.  (Click Kelly–Hopkinsville Encounter for more on this interesting piece of very American history.) 

Not a deluxe apartment in the sky.

After two films set in a small Kansas town, the Critters are movin’ on up to a rundown big city apartment building.  The tenants range from kids to senior citizens and they have more to deal with than just ravenous alien creatures.  There’s an apartment manager being paid to drive everyone away by releasing rats in the building and causing random power cuts.  The man behind the manager’s nastiness is a despicable slumlord who wants to tear down the apartment building in order to build a mini-mall.  However, the tenants and the Critters have other ideas!  

Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!

CRITTERS 3 is generally entertaining for what it is.  It’s nowhere as good as the first one, but has its moments.  The elderly couple were my favorite characters, played by Frances Bay and Bill Zuckert.  I was pleasantly surprised to see Diana Bellamy as another tenant.  She would go on to play Principal Hall in the TV series POPULAR (1999-2001).  Oh, and it would be a crime to forget Don Keith Opper who, for a third time, played former town drunk turned bounty hunter, Charlie.  For some reason, Charlie lost his badass bounty hunter outfit from the second one and is dressed similar to Wilbur Finletter from the KILLER TOMATOES franchise, minus the parachute. 

Charlie & Wilbur: fashionistas from another mother.

Last, but not least, there is Leonardo DiCaprio.  I hesitate to call him a “favorite” actor of mine, but I have seen a number of his films.  TITANIC is obviously my favorite, but I also enjoyed REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (2008), which re-teamed him with Kate Winslet in a different way.  As for CRITTERS 3, DiCaprio played Josh, who is the stepson of the slumlord.  Leo was a good child actor, but, in my opinion, he didn’t stand out.  He did as good of job as the other kids in the cast.  Honestly, something about his acting style, maybe his delivery, reminded me a whole lot of Edward Furlong in TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (1991).  For the record, this is not a positive comparison, but Leo would’ve been a better, less annoying choice for that role.   I had to check and it appears young Leonardo DiCaprio neither auditioned for nor was considered for the role of John Conner.  Though somewhere, in an alternate reality, Edward Furlong was in CRITTERS 3 and TITANIC, while Leo starred in TERMINATOR 2 and John Waters’ PECKER (1998). 

Leo isn’t quite sure of that career path.

In conclusion… 

As with most sequels,  CRITTERS 3 is an entertaining, forgettable distraction that can’t touch the clever, freaky fun of the first film.  So, if your filmic OCD compels you to watch every film in a franchise or you’re a Leonardo DiCaprio completist, CRITTERS 3 may be the film for you!  

SIDE NOTE:A few years before Stella got her groove back, Angela Bassett stood out in CRITTERS 4 (1992), but that’s another post for another time. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Speaking of little critters devouring everything, dare to visit the town of STURGEONS… Population: 4,017 and dropping…