freakboy on film: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

WARNING! 
May the spoilers be with you!  

The Death Star has been blown to smithereens.  The Rebel Alliance has triumphed over the Galactic Empire.  Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia Organa and Han Solo have become BFFs.  C-3PO, R2-D2 and Chewbacca should be bonding over not receiving medals for their roles in rescuing Leia and blowing up the Death Star.  Oh, and that pesky Darth Vader escaped in his super fashionable bent-winged Tie-Fighter. 

Where does the story from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away go from there? 

Darth Vader spends his free time and not-so-defeated Empire money stalking Luke Skywalker across the galaxy and killing off underlings who disappoint him.  Luke takes spiritual advice from the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi and goes way off grid on Dagobah for some Jedi training from Yoda.   Han Solo sexually harasses General Leia Organa as they take forever to evade the pursuing Empire.  Eventually, Han and Leia make their way to Cloud City and meet up with Han’s best frenemy Lando Calrissian.  However, it’s all a trap by Darth Vader to lure Luke to the Dark Side and give him to the Emperor.  All of this culminates in Leia confessing her love for Han right before he is frozen in carbonate and shipped to Jabba the Hutt by badass bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke losing his hand and nearly his mind when it’s revealed Darth Vader is his daddy, Leia and Luke sharing a psychic Force connection and finally, Lando and Chewbacca heading off to Luke’s home planet to save Han Solo. 

Confused?

Will they save Han?  Will Leia regret telling Han she loves him?  Will Luke and Leia discuss the rather intense kiss they shared on the ice planet Hoth?  Will C-3PO and R2-D2 accept their diminished status as supporting comic relief?  Will Darth Vader expect a tie and a bottle of Old Spice cologne from his son on Father’s Day?  Find out next time on As the Jedi Turns! 

Only Yoda knows!

I hate to burst the sci-fi epic wet dream bubble of all the early 1980’s hetero-centric male nerds, but George Lucas conned you into watching a daytime soap opera!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK isn’t entertaining, it’s just the space equivalent of GENERAL HOSPITAL, especially with the “Who’s your daddy?” moment between Vader and Luke!  My love of sudsy dramas may explain why, for many years, I considered Episode V the best of the Original Trilogy.  Now, my feelings need to be reconsidered.  

I mean, I still enjoy EMPIRE, but the years, prequels and sequels may have tarnished its luster.  Darth Vader rocks as he Force-strangles anyone who fails him.  Yoda still manages to be more than a muppet and it’s great to watch him knock Luke’s ego down a notch or two.  Lando Calrissian (a smooth Billy Dee Williams) remains a new breath of roguish charm, especially since Han Solo has misplaced his somewhere.  Boba Fett continues to win the Best Badass Bounty Hunter award.  Oh, and the AT-AT’s are still cool.  

Who’s a good AT-AT?

For me, at least this time around, the romance irritated me.  I know, I know!  Call me a hypocrite since I tend to write romance into my books, and even included a version of the infamous “I love you!  I know.” Leia and Han exchange in DARK EXCURSIONS.  After the end of A NEW HOPE, when Luke and Han return from blowing up the Death Star, I got the impression that Luke, Leia and Han were best friends, nothing more.  So, Han and Leia’s “Will they or won’t they?” routine gets really old really quick.  Plus, don’t get me started on Leia’s deep, passionate kiss on Luke’s lips!  I’ll save that uncomfortable conversation for Episode VI! 

Don’t jump, my son!  The Dark Side will forgive you for frenching your sister!

I must add that the story is by George Lucas, but the screenplay for EMPIRE is credited to Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan.  Also, Lucas gave the director’s chair to Irvin Kershner.  Would STAR WARS Episode V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK be a different film if George Lucas had stayed behind the helm?  After all, A NEW HOPE is the superior film, but the Prequel Trilogy is reason enough to question his creative choices.  As for the acting, the cast still has some residual 1970s naturalness about them, but there is a slightly forced, pun intended, style with some of their dialogue delivery.  The superb score by John Williams elevates the entire production, with a huge shout-out to The Imperial March, easily one of the most memorable pieces of film music ever! 

The coolest Barbershop Quartet in the galaxy!

In conclusion… 
There is a lot to enjoy in Episode V of the original STAR WARS trilogy.  Even the not-so “Special Edition” isn’t so bad since they got rid of Luke’s horrendously stupid electronic scream as he chooses self-destruction over joining the Dark Side with Daddy Darth, which was needlessly added for the 1997 “Special Edition” theatrical release.  I’ll even confess to loving how they made Cloud City look like the tourist trap destination we always knew it was!  Anyhoo, I re-watched the original 1980 theatrical version for this review.  So, if you’re in the mood for some outer space soap bubble action, THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK may be the sudsy episode for you! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Lando Calrissian was my favorite EMPIRE Kenner action figure growing up.  Remove his cape and Lando was ready to boogie on down to Cloud City’s version of Studio 54! 🪩

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Visit the town of STURGEONS for a modern take on 1950s sci-fi horror, films!
📗 

channel freakboy: DOCTOR WHO: VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED (2007)

It felt like fate or destiny or a big ball of timey-wimey coincidence when Rebecca of Taking Up Room announced THE TITANIC IN POP CULTURE BLOGATHON.  Earlier this year, I revealed to the 4 or 5 readers of this blog how much I love James Cameron’s 1997 blockbuster TITANIC.  Since my heart already went on and on and on about one of the most loved and hated Titanic tales, how else could I participate?  The answer crashed into me just like the Titanic crashed through the walls of the TARDIS in the opening scene of the VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED 2007 Christmas episode of DOCTOR WHO.   

The Doctor had just said goodbye to companion Martha Jones when what appears to be the doomed 1912 luxury liner rams through his space-time machine.  After becoming a stowaway, The Doctor quickly realizes he isn’t on the original Titanic, but rather a spaceship replica currently visiting Earth.  I guess our savage, war-hungry race is of interest to hoity-toity alien vacationers.  These vacationers include a supposed expert on Earth culture and history, a rich entrepreneur, a spikey little reddish person, and a joyous couple who won tickets through a lottery.  The Doctor takes a shine to most of the vacationers, but his attention is primarily on a cocktail waitress named Astrid Peth.  Astrid took this job on the Titanic so she could visit alien worlds.  After The Doctor makes her alien sky dreams come true with a quick trip to Earth, the Titanic is hit by a meteoroid storm.  This collision causes the Titanic to begin sinking in space, hurtling directly towards Earth. 

Now The Doctor must guide Astrid and the surviving vacationers through the severely damaged ship to the bridge so he can take the helm.  This task becomes complicated when the information robot angels, meant to help passengers, begin turning into malfunctioning killing machines.  Was the meteoroid impact really an accident?  Will The Doctor rescue the survivors?  Will Titanic sink into the Earth and wipe out all life when the nuclear engines set the sky on fire?  Will the robot angels fly? 

VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED is, in my opinion, one of the best DOCTOR WHO Christmas specials and it would be a good introduction for the uninitiated viewer.  The Doctor is between companions, so it’s almost like a fresh start.  There are a few brief references to past episodes, but nothing vital to the central Titanic plot.  A new viewer will get to know The Doctor and how this space-time traveler responds physically and emotionally to sometimes impossible situations.  Another great thing about this episode is the viewer really gets to know the other characters as The Doctor leads them through the Titanic.  Tragically, this means it hurts when some of them die along the way.  The overall plot is more reminiscent of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972) than James Cameron’s TITANIC.  

Writer Russell T. Davies turns in a script that is simultaneously fun, scary, amusing, tragic and touching.  David Tennant as The 10th Doctor gives a dazzling performance full of humor and pathos.  The character of Astrid Peth is so down-to-earth and relatable that it’s easy to forget she is portrayed by the “Princess of Pop” herself, Kylie Minogue.  Nope, she doesn’t sing, which helps make Astrid feel so real that the viewer will root for her to be The Doctor’s next companion.  Add the rest of the strong supporting cast and director James Strong, and you will have the perfect sci-fi Christmas present to make you feel all the feels!

In conclusion…
Whether or not you’re a Whovian and/or a Titanic completist, VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED is a gem to be enjoyed at Christmas or anytime of the year! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Click a pic for more DOCTOR WHO… 💙 

freakboy on film: A NEW HOPE (1977)

Not so long ago, in posts not too far away… 

I blogged about the Sequel Trilogy and the Prequel Trilogy of the STAR WARS franchise.  Now, here we are with the first film in the coveted Original Trilogy. 

I was extremely young when STAR WARS exploded onto the pop culture landscape and going to the theater with my sister Margaret may be one of my earliest memories.  I wish I could say it was a thrilling experience that forever altered my life, but we both fell asleep during it.  I remember the opening scroll and the Imperial Star Destroyer gunning for Princess Leia’s ship.  I also remember C-3PO and R2-D2 escaping in an escape pod.  Then I remember waking up to see the planet Alderaan being obliterated by the Death Star, or it could have been (SPOILER ALERT) the Death Star being obliterated by Luke Skywalker.  I can’t say for certain.  Then I remember the medal ceremony for the heroes and waking up my sister to tell her it was over.  If I’m brutally honest, I caught the important stuff during that first go around.  I would later see it at the local drive-in without falling asleep, but it’s that first viewing, or lack thereof,  that sticks in my memory. 

Ultimately, STAR WARS Episode IV: A NEW HOPE and the other two episodes of the Original Trilogy became a gigantic part of my childhood.  I thrilled as Luke Skywalker is swept away from his desert planet farm boy life and hurled into the middle of a war between the all-powerful Empire and a scrappy, ragtag rebellion.  You know the story.  If you don’t, what rock have you been living under for the last several decades?  

Princess Leia Organa, a badass rebel and fashion icon, trusts the unlikeliest of duos with some super important information that could put an end to the tyrannical reign of the Empire.  Either through the power of the Force or a plot filled with happenstance, droid soulmates C-3PO and R2-D2 become friends with Luke Skywalker, a moisture farm boy from Tatooine.  Thanks to the droids being hunted by the Empire, Luke loses his family and his home.  Instead of crying around about it, Luke takes off on a space adventure with desert hermit/former Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Together they hope to deliver the super important information to the Rebel Alliance.  To accomplish this mission, they need a spaceship, which they find in a droid-phobic dive bar.  Han Solo, a roguish egotist pilot and his walking carpet sidekick Chewbacca offer passage on board the exceptionally cool Millennium Falcon.  Everyone gets more than they bargained for when they have to also rescue Leia, shut off a tractor beam, and deal with Grand Moff Tarkin and his seemingly second in command/walking fashion statement Darth Vader.  Oh, they also need to take care of that pesky Death Star, a planet destroying battle station.  Will our intrepid heroes save the far, far away galaxy?  If you honestly don’t know, then you’ve been skimming this post.😏 

Trying to race through my ramblings.

The last time I watched A NEW HOPE was a long time ago.  I’m talking before my 2016 chunk of vision loss and before THE FORCE AWAKENS hit theaters.  (My 2023 plan to watch all 3 Trilogies in chronological order stopped after the prequels.)  How did A NEW HOPE hold up after all this time?  I still love writer/director George Lucas’ sci-fi epic, but I wonder if the Prequel and Sequel Trilogies have tarnished the hardcore geek fanboy zeal I used to experience with each viewing.  Don’t get me wrong, I still felt a serious foreshadowing thrill when Obi-Wan (SPOILER ALERT) is obviously fudging the truth about Darth Vader betraying and murdering Luke’s father!  I also can’t help but geek out over the totally super-cool awesomeness of the Millennium Falcon and yes. I may still experience a filmgasm the first time it jumps into hyperspace!  Oh, and there is the lightsaber duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader!  Forget everything that happens after their confrontation, the film was really just building to that singular moment between frenemies!  Last, but far from least, Princess Leia rocks! 

One thing I found myself appreciating more than I ever did before was the acting.  Obviously, Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Peter Cushing as Grand Moff Tarkin and James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader shine brighter than the twin suns of Tatooine.  However, I was struck by the 1970’s naturalness of Mark Hamil as Luke Skywalker, Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia Organa and Harrison Ford as Han Solo.  The way they deliver their lines make them seem like ordinary people caught up in extraordinary events.  Of course, Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, Kenny Baker as R2-D2 and Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca create lovably memorable characters without being seen, while David Prowse intimidates as the man behind the Darth Vader mask.   

Space fashionistas work the Galactic runway!

All that being said, the Dark Side of the Force compels me to mention a couple of things that bothered me this time around…

1… Is C-3PO lying to Luke when he claims he doesn’t really know who Princess Leia is as R2-D2 projects her holographic message to Obi-Wan or did the escape pod scramble his golden circuits?  Earlier in the film, while Leia’s ship is under attack by the Empire, C-3PO turns to R2 and grimly states, “There’ll be no escape for the princess this time.”  C-3PO obviously knows Leia, so why was he feigning ignorance with Luke? 

2… Is Luke Skywalker being an overly judgy Good Jedi Bitch when, after being laughed at by Han Solo over a lightsaber training failure, he turns to the roguish pilot and inquires, “You don’t believe in the Force, do you?”  It’s like, get off your high self-righteous Bantha, farm boy!  You just learned about the Force, like, 10 minutes ago, so just leave a “The Force Is Inside You” pamphlet and move on! 

In conclusion…
Has time or the inferior entries in the franchise diminished my intense love of this film ?  Perhaps the psychosexual rabbit hole Andy Milligan shoved me down has forever transformed my filmic tastes.  Whatever the case, I may no longer be the full-tilt, frenzied STAR WARS geek I once was, but A NEW HOPE is still a thrilling sci-fi adventure worth going on.  Just put away critical thinking and let the Force guide you through one of the best popcorn-infused blockbusters of its kind! 🍿 If possible, skip the not-so “Special Edition” and seek out the original version.   
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This post is for ADVENTURE-A-THON, hosted by Cinematic Catharsis & Realweegiemidget Reviews!  

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Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  My sister Margaret often “played STAR WARS” with me and my action figures.  We rarely followed the plot of A NEW HOPE, and even accidentally predicted a couple of plot twists that would later be revealed in Episodes V and VI.   However, on one occasion, we radically altered the STAR WARS universe when Luke Skywalker literally lost his head during an aggressive lightsaber duel with Darth Vader.  I was very young at the time, but I remember us both laughing at this unexpected event. 

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Click an episode for more…
Episode I 
Episode II 
Episode III 
Episode Vii
Episode VIII 
Episode IX

freakboy on film: CRITTERS 3 (1991)

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Earlier this year, I dropped the shocking revelation of how much I love TITANIC (1997).  So, when Brian from FILMS FROM BEYOND THE TIME BARRIER announced The Third 'Favorite Stars in B Movies' Blogathon, I had to think about it.  I mean, I already blogged about Rock Hudson going all mad scientist and Bette Davis & Joan Crawford taking sibling rivalry to the extreme.  This time I wanted to write about an acting talent before fame came a-knockin’.  After scrolling through and striking out with the IMDb pages of a few well-known names, I thought of TITANIC and suddenly, I was king of the blogging world!  I would review Leonardo DiCaprio in the direct-to-video sequel CRITTERS 3! 

I’ll never let go, Jack.

screenplay by David J. Schow/directed by Kristine Peterson

In case you don’t know, CRITTERS is a sci-fi/horror film franchise about ferocious little aliens who devour everything in their path.  They even have porcupine-like quills they can shoot to paralyze their prey.  CRITTERS (1986) is the best of the GREMLINS rip-offs.  The original centers around a farm family fighting against the killer alien furballs and was inspired by an allegedly true incident in Kentucky from 1955.  Several eyewitnesses claim to have defended their farm from little aliens whose flying saucer had landed nearby.  (Click Kelly–Hopkinsville Encounter for more on this interesting piece of very American history.) 

Not a deluxe apartment in the sky.

After two films set in a small Kansas town, the Critters are movin’ on up to a rundown big city apartment building.  The tenants range from kids to senior citizens and they have more to deal with than just ravenous alien creatures.  There’s an apartment manager being paid to drive everyone away by releasing rats in the building and causing random power cuts.  The man behind the manager’s nastiness is a despicable slumlord who wants to tear down the apartment building in order to build a mini-mall.  However, the tenants and the Critters have other ideas!  

Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!

CRITTERS 3 is generally entertaining for what it is.  It’s nowhere as good as the first one, but has its moments.  The elderly couple were my favorite characters, played by Frances Bay and Bill Zuckert.  I was pleasantly surprised to see Diana Bellamy as another tenant.  She would go on to play Principal Hall in the TV series POPULAR (1999-2001).  Oh, and it would be a crime to forget Don Keith Opper who, for a third time, played former town drunk turned bounty hunter, Charlie.  For some reason, Charlie lost his badass bounty hunter outfit from the second one and is dressed similar to Wilbur Finletter from the KILLER TOMATOES franchise, minus the parachute. 

Charlie & Wilbur: fashionistas from another mother.

Last, but not least, there is Leonardo DiCaprio.  I hesitate to call him a “favorite” actor of mine, but I have seen a number of his films.  TITANIC is obviously my favorite, but I also enjoyed REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (2008), which re-teamed him with Kate Winslet in a different way.  As for CRITTERS 3, DiCaprio played Josh, who is the stepson of the slumlord.  Leo was a good child actor, but, in my opinion, he didn’t stand out.  He did as good of job as the other kids in the cast.  Honestly, something about his acting style, maybe his delivery, reminded me a whole lot of Edward Furlong in TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (1991).  For the record, this is not a positive comparison, but Leo would’ve been a better, less annoying choice for that role.   I had to check and it appears young Leonardo DiCaprio neither auditioned for nor was considered for the role of John Conner.  Though somewhere, in an alternate reality, Edward Furlong was in CRITTERS 3 and TITANIC, while Leo starred in TERMINATOR 2 and John Waters’ PECKER (1998). 

Leo isn’t quite sure of that career path.

In conclusion… 

As with most sequels,  CRITTERS 3 is an entertaining, forgettable distraction that can’t touch the clever, freaky fun of the first film.  So, if your filmic OCD compels you to watch every film in a franchise or you’re a Leonardo DiCaprio completist, CRITTERS 3 may be the film for you!  

SIDE NOTE:A few years before Stella got her groove back, Angela Bassett stood out in CRITTERS 4 (1992), but that’s another post for another time. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Speaking of little critters devouring everything, dare to visit the town of STURGEONS… Population: 4,017 and dropping…

freakboy on film: BRAIN DAMAGE (1988)

Are you bored?  Lonely?  Unhappy with life?  If you answered yes, worry no longer!  You just need Aylmer in your life!  No, not Elmer.  Aylmer! 

“Come to me and get my juice.”

After Aylmer, a slimy, slug-like alien creature, befriends you while you sleep by drilling a hole in the back of your neck, he will always have your back or at least be on it.  For whenever you’re feeling down, Aylmer will simply insert his long stem into your newly acquired orifice and splash your brain with his electric blue juice so you will begin to see the world in a whole new feel-good hallucinogenic light.  

A little dab’ll do ya.

You will no longer have to worry yourself with work, relatives or love.  Aylmer’s juice is now all you need.  However, he will give you the courage to meet new and interesting people at dance clubs and communal showers.  You may even share some pleasurable interactions with your new friends before Aylmer eats their tasty brains.  Is that too high of price for this type of intensely deep parasitic friendship?  I think not!  I mean, Aylmer will even sing to you when you’re suffering withdrawal symptoms from a lack of his juice.  Isn’t that sweet? 

All aboard for this juice trip!

So, be cool like Brian in BRAIN DAMAGE and get your brain hooked an Aylmer’s juice!  Not sure where to find an Aylmer of your own?  Check random puddles or your neighbor’s bathtub.  When he’s not devouring human brains, Aylmer loves a-splishin’ and a-splashin’! 

A boy’s best friend is his Aylmer.

How the hell did I not see BRAIN DAMAGE until now?  It must not have turned up on HBO back in the day and my town’s local video store must have failed to stock it.  Whatever the reason, I’m glad I stumbled upon this late ’80’s gem on Tubi.  Writer/director Frank Henenlotter (best known for BASKET CASE) creates a wild and weird mash-up of sci-fi, horror and comedy.  The plot and visuals are crazy, gruesome and “so wrong but so right” style of funny.  Seriously, the back alley fellatio scene encompasses all of those attributes and will blow your mind, so to speak.  

Rick Hearst (best known to me for the daytime soap GENERAL HOSPITAL) is a blast to watch as Brian, especially when the character is joyously high on Aylmer’s juice.  Then there is the voice of Aylmer.  Yes, the slimy phallic symbol talks and he is voiced by “Dinner With Drac” singer John Zacherle.  It’s brilliant that Aylmer sounds gentle and intelligent instead of gross and scary. 

In conclusion…BRAIN DAMAGE truly entertained and defied my expectations at every turn.  So, if you need a fun distraction or a mood enhancer, draw a bath and lose your mind in a good way with BRAIN DAMAGE! 

CONFESSION:  I haven’t seem the two sequels to Frank Henenlotter’s BASKET CASE, but they are also currently streaming on Tubi, along with the first one and FRANKENHOOKER.  Guess it’s time for a Frank Henenlotter movie marathon! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. Get your brain hooked on my  modern take on 1950’s sci-fi horror flicks and what happens after the end credits roll… 

freakboy on film: PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1957)

Click the pic for more reviews!

You are interested in the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here.  I know that’s why I joined The Sixth So Bad It’s Good Blogathon, hosted by Rebecca of Taking Up Room!  I love hearing about unexplainable films, while also sharing my love of these gems with others.  In past bad/good blogathons, I have sliced through the destruction of the American male and then invited you to risk your life at a cheerleading camp.  Now, in an either brilliant or terrible decision, I must ask you one question.  Can your heart stand the shocking facts as I blog about Ed Wood’s PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE?! 

It all started when I was a young freakboy of around 9 or 10 watching IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD (1982) on HBO.  This film is a compilation of clips and trailers from some of the most unusual films to come out of Hollywood.  To top it off, the whole thing was hosted by Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, John Candy, and Cheech & Chong, all of whom were known to the young freakboy.  This was my introduction to such cult films as ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES and THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES.  I was also introduced to the mind of Edward D. Wood, Jr. and I eagerly desired to know more.

I need more Wood!

A few years later, I finally saw my first Ed Wood film and it was PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.  It is allegedly the worst movie of all time, but anyone who says that hasn’t seen A QUIET PLACE or THE NOTEBOOK.  Maybe I was young and naive or maybe I’ve always been drawn to the misunderstood fringes, but I saw beyond the cheap sets, the questionable acting and choppy story.  I embraced the brilliantly crazy dialogue, the criticism of the U.S. government for covering up UFO’s and for pointing out how mankind is a savage, war-hungry race! 

Tan a & Eros model the latest in smug space attire!

The story revolves around an airplane pilot, his wife and some police officers investigating strange goings-on in the sky and in a nearby cemetery.  Seems like extremely arrogant extraterrestrials are raising the dead so the government is forced to acknowledge that flying saucers exist.  If Plan 9 is successful, then maybe, just maybe, the government will heed the extraterrestrial’s warning of universal destruction thanks to the super weapon Solaranite!  According to Eros, the most arrogant of the arrogant extraterrestrials, mankind is on the verge of creating the Solaranite bomb, which ignites and explodes particles of sunlight and everything that the sunlight touches.  I’m not going to spoil the ending, but maybe if Eros wants to succeed, he should stop calling the human race stupid, no matter how true it is. 

Eros is right if this image makes you faint!

What really makes PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE special are the personalities involved.  Bela Lugosi, who appears in random silent footage Ed Wood shot separately, has no lines, but, as the old man/ghoul, we get to see him in his Dracula cape one last time.  These posthumously used scenes, and the painfully obvious Lugosi non-lookalike stand-in moments, are far more interesting than the film DRACULA (1931).  Then there is 1950’s California TV personality Vampira (Maila Nurmil).  As the old man’s dead wife turned ghoul, she tragically has no lines either.  Vampira just roams around the cemetery set like a zombie, but she has more screen presence than a lot of the actors.  (I’m looking at you, Gregory Walcott as the airplane pilot.)  Unlike Lugosi and Vampira, wrestler Tor Johnson has a few clumsily spoken lines before Inspector Daniel Clay becomes a ghoul and the movie is better for it!  Dudley Manlove (which would make a great nerdy queer porn star name) as super arrogant Eros and Joanna Lee as Tanna appear quite comfortable in front of the camera or maybe they just loved their groovy extraterrestrial uniforms.  John “Bunny” Breckinridge acts with unparalleled boredom as the extraterrestrial ruler, which is disappointing because “Bunny” led a shockingly fascinating offscreen life.  (read NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY by Rudolph Grey for more)  Oh, and I must not forget actor Paul Marco.  He adds some intentional comic relief as Patrolman Kelton, a character who appears in other Wood films. 

Criswell predicts you will love this film!

Last, but not least, there is Criswell.  This famous or infamous for his time psychic supplies an intro, an outro and occasional narration with a memorable flair.  He speaks Ed Wood’s dialogue with a mixture of sincerity and a knowing wink at the absurdity of it all.  He also deftly prepares and baffles the viewer right from the start.  Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.  In my opinion, without Criswell, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE would not be nearly as entertaining. 

What am I, chopped liver?

Of course, there would be no PLAN 9 without Edward D. Wood, Jr.  His off-kilter writing and one-take directing are on full display.  I know Tim Burton’s ED WOOD bio-pic plays fast and loose with facts, but I sincerely hope two things.  First, I hope Ed donned drag while directing this film.  Second, I hope he really saw PLAN 9 as the one he would be remembered for, because it is his masterpiece!  (Yes, GLEN OR GLENDA is my favorite Wood film, but both can be true) 

Never fear, Bunny is here…to question my logic!

In conclusion…
While definitely not the worst movie of all time, I know PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is technically not a good film.  However, this bewildering spectacle is a lot of fun and hides some truths within the craziness.  I mean, it has taken decades for the U.S. government to admit there is something in the skies, but continues to be vague about exactly what that something actually is.  Not to mention, the human race  generally seems to have increased in violent tendencies since this film was made.  So, maybe, in Ed Wood’s own misguided, delusions of grandeur way, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE was ahead of its time.  As Criswell predicted in the intro, Future events such as these will affect you in the future. 

Beware!  Take care!

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  my video love letter to Ed Wood and David Lynch that’s based on true events from 2020!  🛸