Happy Life Day…or something

🎵 You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Malla
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Itchy
But do you recall
The most famous Wookiee of all?🎵 

Wait, what? 

Lumpy is neither a reindeer nor the most famous Wookiee!  That honor goes to Lumpy’s father Chewbacca.  Oh, you didn’t know Chewie has a son?  He also has a frazzled wife named Malla and a  cantankerous father named Itchy.  They are anxiously waiting for Chewbacca to stop smuggling and generally galavanting around that far, far away galaxy with Han Solo and come home to celebrate Life Day. 

What is Life Day?  It’s a day to celebrate family and friends, and to hope for galactic peace or something.  All you have to do is throw on a robe, grab a glowing sphere and go into the light like Carol Anne in POLTERGEIST.  Then you’ll find yourself in some rocky, desolate area where Princess Leia Organa warbles a classic Life Day ditty, while Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 look on with varying degrees of interest. 

Before you get to hang with STAR WARS Legacy Characters in Life Day Limbo, you have to pay your dues by spending way too much time with Malla, Itchy and Lumpy.  You will have to sit through a cooking lesson with Malla and a multiple-armed alien Julia Child, played by Harvey Korman.  You’ll have to wonder what the hell is going on when Itchy gets overly excited by a trippy virtual reality song performed by Diahann Carroll.  Then there is Lumpy.  You will be forced to watch Lumpy refuse to do the dishes, take out the trash, try to steal a cookie and generally behave like a bratty prototype of an Ewok.  

Malla wishes she had used Wookiee birth control 

I honestly don’t remember if I watched THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL back in the day, but surely I did.  I mean, I may have been a very little kid, but I was a huge fan.  Maybe I blocked out the experience for the sake of my sanity.  So, my first memorable viewing was in the early 2000’s when I picked up a bootleg VHS copy at a comic book store.  This sketchy copy had all the authentic 1970’s commercials and the “Fighting the Frizzies” news promo.  For worse, or maybe better, the bootleg DVD I ordered from eBay appears to be a somewhat spiffed up print, at least compared to the VHS, that is commercial and frizzy free.  It’s almost what it would be like if George Lucas or Disney+ finally released an official version. 

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL needs to be seen to be believed.  It’s a strange mixture of a made-for-TV movie and a variety show.  Who was the target audience in 1978?  I’m sure my 5-year-old  self would’ve been glued to the television set in a frenzied desire to see more of the characters I saw on the big screen.  I doubt I would’ve cared about Chewbacca’s family, Art Carney as a shopkeeper and Bea Arthur as a bartender at the Cantina.  Though, decades later, Bea Arthur singing a farewell song to drunken aliens is a highlight for me.  

Another highlight is the animated STAR WARS adventure Lumpy covertly watches while Imperial Stormtroopers search their tree house home.  The animation has a funky 70’s look and introduces badass bounty hunter Boba Fett a couple of years before THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.  This alone makes THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL worth watching. 

In conclusion…
Ridiculous, weird and sometimes just plain painful, THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL is a time capsule of 1970’s television and a testament to the impact A NEW HOPE had on pop culture.  The fact they got the original cast, sans Alec Guinness, is truly remarkable and is another reason to watch.  So, if you’re in the mood for a certain kind of Yuletide sci-fi cheese, or you’re a STAR WARS completist, THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL is the festive tradition you didn’t know you needed…and you can find it on YouTube.  It’s honestly better than some of the more recent theatrical films.  

Chewie agrees with my assessment

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Disney+ released THE LEGO STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL in 2020 and it’s a fun, satirical love letter to the original special and the entire STAR WARS universe.  

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Click an episode for more STAR WARS…
Episode I
Episode II 
Episode III 
Episode IV 
Episode V
Episode VI 
Episode VII
Episode VIII 
Episode IX 

freakboy on film: RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)

Well, here we are for the ultra-sudsy Original Trilogy conclusion of a space opera from a long time ago and far, far away.  

Han Solo is now home furnishing decor for the palace of the literally sluggish gangster Jabba the Hutt, and everyone is out to rescue him.  Lando Calrissian is already in the palace, undercover as a very human guard.  C-3PO and R2-D2 show up with a message from Luke Skywalker, but end up as Jabba’s pointless translator droid and cocktail waitress, respectively.  Then Leia Organa turns up disguised as a tiny, but threatening bounty hunter, with Chewbacca as a prisoner.  Finally, Luke Skywalker arrives, rockin’ his late aunt’s hairdo, so this convoluted plan to save Han can get started.  (SPOILER ALERT)  They rescue Han.  If this comes as a surprise to you, then you have obviously never seen a movie before.  

Have you been living under a chunk of Carbonite?

The rest of RETURN OF THE JEDI is basically A NEW HOPE and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, but with Ewoks.  There’s another Death Star to blow-up.  There’s another trap, or two or three.  There’s another family revelation.  By the end, it feels more than a little been there, done that. 

Can we go home now?

I could complain about Ewoks, but that’s too easy.  I could complain how the harsh lighting makes Yoda look like a Muppet, not to mention all of the other Muppet-ish characters, but the 1994 film CLERKS already summed it up perfectly.  I could complain about the lack of character development and a generally uneven script.  Instead, I’ll complain about one moment in RETURN OF THE JEDI that has become my least favorite scene in the Original Trilogy, if not all 9 episodes! 

Are they going to kiss again?

It’s evening at the Ewok village and Luke is in a mood.  Leia asks him what’s wrong and this leads to Luke revealing to Leia that they are brother and sister.  Leia says that somehow she always knew, which means that deep kiss in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is full-tilt incestuous!  Plus, to kick off this painfully written and acted conversation, Luke asks Leia if she remembers her real mother.  Wait, what?  Where in HOPE or EMPIRE did Leia hint that she was adopted?  To confuse matters even more, Leia claims to remember her real mother being beautiful but sad.  Well, REVENGE OF THE SITH would later make Leia delusional or a liar because their mother dies after giving birth to the twins!  Maybe it’s that Obi-Wan Kenobi gibberish about something being true, from a certain point of view.   In my view, that’s just a way to cover up lies or massive holes in the plot!  

Does Mon Mothma approve of plot holes and incest?

That being said, there are things to enjoy in RETURN OF THE JEDI.  It’s awesome that it is Leia who strangles Jabba the Hutt, especially since he was probably the worm who forced her to wear that skimpy outfit.  One of the more surprising aspects, for a 1983 film, is the Rebel Alliance leader is a woman.  Mon Mothma, as portrayed by Caroline Blakiston in her brief scene, is strong, direct and compassionate.  Then there is the real reason to watch RETURN OF THE JEDI…The Emperor!  Rarely has a villain been so seductively evil.  Unlike most of the actors in JEDI, Ian McDiarmid delivers his surprisingly well-written lines in a subtle fashion, especially when The Emperor is tempting Luke to the Dark Side.  His voice oozes with emotional manipulation and cruelty.  Honestly, his scenes feel like they are taking place in a better film. 

How do you like my Dark Side?

In conclusion… 

Episode VI may not be the worst film in the STAR WARS franchise, but it is definitely the weakest in the Original Trilogy.  Should we blame George Lucas and co-screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan?  Does director Richard Marquand share the responsibility for its deficiencies?  Maybe all of the above, but there’s still entertainment to be found.  So, if you crave some sci-fi escapism from the current reality, then pull up a chair and watch RETURN OF THE JEDI.  Just make sure to watch the original 1983 version.  The not-so “Special Edition” managed to make a not-so great film even worse! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  In memoriam…Boba Fett (1978-1983) 
You died for the sake of a burp joke, but you’ll always be the baddest badass bounty hunter in our galactic hearts! 🖤 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the character has appeared in later versions of STAR WARS, so just shut your nerd mouths and let me have this moment! 
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Click a pic ⤵️ for more of the Original Trilogy… 

freakboy on film: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

WARNING! 
May the spoilers be with you!  

The Death Star has been blown to smithereens.  The Rebel Alliance has triumphed over the Galactic Empire.  Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia Organa and Han Solo have become BFFs.  C-3PO, R2-D2 and Chewbacca should be bonding over not receiving medals for their roles in rescuing Leia and blowing up the Death Star.  Oh, and that pesky Darth Vader escaped in his super fashionable bent-winged Tie-Fighter. 

Where does the story from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away go from there? 

Darth Vader spends his free time and not-so-defeated Empire money stalking Luke Skywalker across the galaxy and killing off underlings who disappoint him.  Luke takes spiritual advice from the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi and goes way off grid on Dagobah for some Jedi training from Yoda.   Han Solo sexually harasses General Leia Organa as they take forever to evade the pursuing Empire.  Eventually, Han and Leia make their way to Cloud City and meet up with Han’s best frenemy Lando Calrissian.  However, it’s all a trap by Darth Vader to lure Luke to the Dark Side and give him to the Emperor.  All of this culminates in Leia confessing her love for Han right before he is frozen in carbonate and shipped to Jabba the Hutt by badass bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke losing his hand and nearly his mind when it’s revealed Darth Vader is his daddy, Leia and Luke sharing a psychic Force connection and finally, Lando and Chewbacca heading off to Luke’s home planet to save Han Solo. 

Confused?

Will they save Han?  Will Leia regret telling Han she loves him?  Will Luke and Leia discuss the rather intense kiss they shared on the ice planet Hoth?  Will C-3PO and R2-D2 accept their diminished status as supporting comic relief?  Will Darth Vader expect a tie and a bottle of Old Spice cologne from his son on Father’s Day?  Find out next time on As the Jedi Turns! 

Only Yoda knows!

I hate to burst the sci-fi epic wet dream bubble of all the early 1980’s hetero-centric male nerds, but George Lucas conned you into watching a daytime soap opera!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK isn’t entertaining, it’s just the space equivalent of GENERAL HOSPITAL, especially with the “Who’s your daddy?” moment between Vader and Luke!  My love of sudsy dramas may explain why, for many years, I considered Episode V the best of the Original Trilogy.  Now, my feelings need to be reconsidered.  

I mean, I still enjoy EMPIRE, but the years, prequels and sequels may have tarnished its luster.  Darth Vader rocks as he Force-strangles anyone who fails him.  Yoda still manages to be more than a muppet and it’s great to watch him knock Luke’s ego down a notch or two.  Lando Calrissian (a smooth Billy Dee Williams) remains a new breath of roguish charm, especially since Han Solo has misplaced his somewhere.  Boba Fett continues to win the Best Badass Bounty Hunter award.  Oh, and the AT-AT’s are still cool.  

Who’s a good AT-AT?

For me, at least this time around, the romance irritated me.  I know, I know!  Call me a hypocrite since I tend to write romance into my books, and even included a version of the infamous “I love you!  I know.” Leia and Han exchange in DARK EXCURSIONS.  After the end of A NEW HOPE, when Luke and Han return from blowing up the Death Star, I got the impression that Luke, Leia and Han were best friends, nothing more.  So, Han and Leia’s “Will they or won’t they?” routine gets really old really quick.  Plus, don’t get me started on Leia’s deep, passionate kiss on Luke’s lips!  I’ll save that uncomfortable conversation for Episode VI! 

Don’t jump, my son!  The Dark Side will forgive you for frenching your sister!

I must add that the story is by George Lucas, but the screenplay for EMPIRE is credited to Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan.  Also, Lucas gave the director’s chair to Irvin Kershner.  Would STAR WARS Episode V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK be a different film if George Lucas had stayed behind the helm?  After all, A NEW HOPE is the superior film, but the Prequel Trilogy is reason enough to question his creative choices.  As for the acting, the cast still has some residual 1970s naturalness about them, but there is a slightly forced, pun intended, style with some of their dialogue delivery.  The superb score by John Williams elevates the entire production, with a huge shout-out to The Imperial March, easily one of the most memorable pieces of film music ever! 

The coolest Barbershop Quartet in the galaxy!

In conclusion… 
There is a lot to enjoy in Episode V of the original STAR WARS trilogy.  Even the not-so “Special Edition” isn’t so bad since they got rid of Luke’s horrendously stupid electronic scream as he chooses self-destruction over joining the Dark Side with Daddy Darth, which was needlessly added for the 1997 “Special Edition” theatrical release.  I’ll even confess to loving how they made Cloud City look like the tourist trap destination we always knew it was!  Anyhoo, I re-watched the original 1980 theatrical version for this review.  So, if you’re in the mood for some outer space soap bubble action, THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK may be the sudsy episode for you! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Lando Calrissian was my favorite EMPIRE Kenner action figure growing up.  Remove his cape and Lando was ready to boogie on down to Cloud City’s version of Studio 54! 🪩

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Visit the town of STURGEONS for a modern take on 1950s sci-fi horror, films!
📗 

freakboy on film: A NEW HOPE (1977)

Not so long ago, in posts not too far away… 

I blogged about the Sequel Trilogy and the Prequel Trilogy of the STAR WARS franchise.  Now, here we are with the first film in the coveted Original Trilogy. 

I was extremely young when STAR WARS exploded onto the pop culture landscape and going to the theater with my sister Margaret may be one of my earliest memories.  I wish I could say it was a thrilling experience that forever altered my life, but we both fell asleep during it.  I remember the opening scroll and the Imperial Star Destroyer gunning for Princess Leia’s ship.  I also remember C-3PO and R2-D2 escaping in an escape pod.  Then I remember waking up to see the planet Alderaan being obliterated by the Death Star, or it could have been (SPOILER ALERT) the Death Star being obliterated by Luke Skywalker.  I can’t say for certain.  Then I remember the medal ceremony for the heroes and waking up my sister to tell her it was over.  If I’m brutally honest, I caught the important stuff during that first go around.  I would later see it at the local drive-in without falling asleep, but it’s that first viewing, or lack thereof,  that sticks in my memory. 

Ultimately, STAR WARS Episode IV: A NEW HOPE and the other two episodes of the Original Trilogy became a gigantic part of my childhood.  I thrilled as Luke Skywalker is swept away from his desert planet farm boy life and hurled into the middle of a war between the all-powerful Empire and a scrappy, ragtag rebellion.  You know the story.  If you don’t, what rock have you been living under for the last several decades?  

Princess Leia Organa, a badass rebel and fashion icon, trusts the unlikeliest of duos with some super important information that could put an end to the tyrannical reign of the Empire.  Either through the power of the Force or a plot filled with happenstance, droid soulmates C-3PO and R2-D2 become friends with Luke Skywalker, a moisture farm boy from Tatooine.  Thanks to the droids being hunted by the Empire, Luke loses his family and his home.  Instead of crying around about it, Luke takes off on a space adventure with desert hermit/former Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Together they hope to deliver the super important information to the Rebel Alliance.  To accomplish this mission, they need a spaceship, which they find in a droid-phobic dive bar.  Han Solo, a roguish egotist pilot and his walking carpet sidekick Chewbacca offer passage on board the exceptionally cool Millennium Falcon.  Everyone gets more than they bargained for when they have to also rescue Leia, shut off a tractor beam, and deal with Grand Moff Tarkin and his seemingly second in command/walking fashion statement Darth Vader.  Oh, they also need to take care of that pesky Death Star, a planet destroying battle station.  Will our intrepid heroes save the far, far away galaxy?  If you honestly don’t know, then you’ve been skimming this post.😏 

Trying to race through my ramblings.

The last time I watched A NEW HOPE was a long time ago.  I’m talking before my 2016 chunk of vision loss and before THE FORCE AWAKENS hit theaters.  (My 2023 plan to watch all 3 Trilogies in chronological order stopped after the prequels.)  How did A NEW HOPE hold up after all this time?  I still love writer/director George Lucas’ sci-fi epic, but I wonder if the Prequel and Sequel Trilogies have tarnished the hardcore geek fanboy zeal I used to experience with each viewing.  Don’t get me wrong, I still felt a serious foreshadowing thrill when Obi-Wan (SPOILER ALERT) is obviously fudging the truth about Darth Vader betraying and murdering Luke’s father!  I also can’t help but geek out over the totally super-cool awesomeness of the Millennium Falcon and yes. I may still experience a filmgasm the first time it jumps into hyperspace!  Oh, and there is the lightsaber duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader!  Forget everything that happens after their confrontation, the film was really just building to that singular moment between frenemies!  Last, but far from least, Princess Leia rocks! 

One thing I found myself appreciating more than I ever did before was the acting.  Obviously, Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Peter Cushing as Grand Moff Tarkin and James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader shine brighter than the twin suns of Tatooine.  However, I was struck by the 1970’s naturalness of Mark Hamil as Luke Skywalker, Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia Organa and Harrison Ford as Han Solo.  The way they deliver their lines make them seem like ordinary people caught up in extraordinary events.  Of course, Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, Kenny Baker as R2-D2 and Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca create lovably memorable characters without being seen, while David Prowse intimidates as the man behind the Darth Vader mask.   

Space fashionistas work the Galactic runway!

All that being said, the Dark Side of the Force compels me to mention a couple of things that bothered me this time around…

1… Is C-3PO lying to Luke when he claims he doesn’t really know who Princess Leia is as R2-D2 projects her holographic message to Obi-Wan or did the escape pod scramble his golden circuits?  Earlier in the film, while Leia’s ship is under attack by the Empire, C-3PO turns to R2 and grimly states, “There’ll be no escape for the princess this time.”  C-3PO obviously knows Leia, so why was he feigning ignorance with Luke? 

2… Is Luke Skywalker being an overly judgy Good Jedi Bitch when, after being laughed at by Han Solo over a lightsaber training failure, he turns to the roguish pilot and inquires, “You don’t believe in the Force, do you?”  It’s like, get off your high self-righteous Bantha, farm boy!  You just learned about the Force, like, 10 minutes ago, so just leave a “The Force Is Inside You” pamphlet and move on! 

In conclusion…
Has time or the inferior entries in the franchise diminished my intense love of this film ?  Perhaps the psychosexual rabbit hole Andy Milligan shoved me down has forever transformed my filmic tastes.  Whatever the case, I may no longer be the full-tilt, frenzied STAR WARS geek I once was, but A NEW HOPE is still a thrilling sci-fi adventure worth going on.  Just put away critical thinking and let the Force guide you through one of the best popcorn-infused blockbusters of its kind! 🍿 If possible, skip the not-so “Special Edition” and seek out the original version.   
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This post is for ADVENTURE-A-THON, hosted by Cinematic Catharsis & Realweegiemidget Reviews!  

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Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  My sister Margaret often “played STAR WARS” with me and my action figures.  We rarely followed the plot of A NEW HOPE, and even accidentally predicted a couple of plot twists that would later be revealed in Episodes V and VI.   However, on one occasion, we radically altered the STAR WARS universe when Luke Skywalker literally lost his head during an aggressive lightsaber duel with Darth Vader.  I was very young at the time, but I remember us both laughing at this unexpected event. 

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Click an episode for more…
Episode I 
Episode II 
Episode III 
Episode Vii
Episode VIII 
Episode IX

No time for blogging…

Shouldn’t he be reviewing another STAR WARS film right about now?  Where is a new poem, of sorts?  Why hasn’t he obsessively blogged about Andy Milligan lately? 

I hope these are the prevalent questions in your mind, but don’t freak out!  They will all happen, sooner or later.  I’ve just been busy lately.  I mean, STURGEONS (the complete serials) won’t plug itself.  Well, maybe it can with a few fantastic reader photos! 📗 😍

Feline Approved!

Then I have a book signing event approaching like a noose slowly tightening around my throat.  It’s more of a meet & greet situation where readers will approach me, grab a cookie and (hopefully) pick up an autographed copy of STURGEONS.  I’m not sure if anyone will turn up, but I hope so.  I mean, the article in the Custer County Chief should draw out a few curious folk or at least Ms. Minch! 

Kim, a groovy librarian, designed this awesome flyer!

Yes, I was interviewed for the local paper.   Managing Editor Mona Weatherly wrote a great article about STURGEONS, my vision loss and my writing in general.  The headline, Author fights to get back to writing ‘fun, quirky’ stories is newspaper perfection!  Here are the photos which appeared on a different page than the article.  The purple one is my Amazon Author Page pic and the orange one was taken by Mona.  She said I looked like a proud author, but I said I looked positively goofy, as usual.  

Courtesy Custer County Chief 

To top it all off, I no longer deliver bad news 🗞️ around town.  It was time for that part of my life to end and I definitely won’t miss it this winter. ❄️  My predicted post-Covid 19 career of peddling my wares at a truck stop never manifested, but I am getting wet at a local diner instead.  Yes, I am now a visually impaired dishwasher 🍽️ by day and a queer indie author ✏️ by night!  

I saw the sign!  Well, my sister saw it and told me about it.

Plus, thanks to Vinegar Syndrome and AGFA, I just started digging into the films of Jon Moritsugu.  From what I’ve experienced so far, his very DIY/experimental films are like Gregg Araki and David Lynch had an allegedly nihilistic, pseudo-intellectual punk rock baby.  In other words, this box set is going to take a bit and challenge me along the way. 

Well, until I blog about whether my book event is a pop 👍 or a flop 👎, thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Here is the first review of STURGEONS on Goodreads…

freakboy on film: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

Written & Directed by George Lucas

Here we are drowning in the 2 hr 20 min final episode of the STAR WARS Prequel Trilogy.  The Clone Wars continue to rage on.  Chancellor Palpatine continues his grab for absolute power.  Anakin Skywalker continues his Dark Side slide towards becoming (SPOILER ALERT) Darth Vader.  Does it all need to be this long?  Not really, but certain events must happen before the viewer can move on to a far, far superior episode and trilogy from a long time ago. 

Mace Windu has the coolest lightsaber in the galaxy

With the exceptions of Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu, Frank Oz as Yoda and Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, the viewer must suffer through some of the worst acting in any of the trilogies to get to these events.  Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker seems to either read or shout his lines from cue cards, depending on what emotion is allegedly being conveyed.  Meanwhile, the fiery strength of Padmé Amidala has been dowsed with endless tears, but I blame the “character development” more than Natalie Portman.  Ian McDiarmid’s subtle-evil performance as soon-to-be Emperor Palpatine in MENACE and CLONES is thrown out for camp in Episode III.  Plus, is Palpatine going through some sort of Sith puberty?  His voice is all over the place, even before his lightsaber duel with Mace Windu, but I don’t know if this was an acting choice or a director’s questionable direction.  Then there is the one actor I haven’t directly addressed in the Prequel Trilogy. 

Not Sir Alec Guinness

Don’t get me wrong, I like Ewan McGregor and he’s got talent, but that spark isn’t on display in any of the STAR WARS films.  However, his ok, but far from great, performance may not be all his fault.  I mean, you can only do so much with whatever George Lucas was passing off as dialogue and Ewan had some brilliant shoes to fill.  Alec Guinness shines bright and steals every one of his scenes in A NEW HOPE, so it’s hard to believe the Obi-Wan Kenobi we meet in the prequels will age into the Original Trilogy Ben Kenobi.   Perhaps Lucas should’ve cast an unknown instead of Ewan McGregor, though no one could’ve really compared with the late Sir Alec Guinness. 

Also not Sir Alec Guinness

Speaking of the Original Trilogy, did George Lucas bother rewatching it before writing these prequels?  In A NEW HOPE, Obi-Wan’s discussion about Anakin with Luke Skywalker is now highly debatable with everything the Prequel Trilogy shows us.  I guess Obi-Wan mostly wasn’t lying to Luke, from a certain point of view, a concept slammed hard into our heads in REVENGE OF THE SITH in order to cover inconsistencies.  Not that it excuses or explains the most painfully glaring continuity error between these two trilogies.  

(SPOILERS ALERT) 

In a questionably acted scene in RETURN OF THE JEDI, Luke Skywalker, who doesn’t remember his mother, asks Leia Organa if she remembers her real mother.  Never mind there was never even a hint of Leia being adopted in Episodes IV & V, but that’s a complaint for another review.  Anyway, Leia claims she recalls only images and feelings of her mother being beautiful, kind, but sad.  Well, maybe Leia’s mom was sad because it’s not really a joy being a beautiful, kind corpse!  Near the end of REVENGE OF THE SITH, Padmé Amidala gives birth to Luke, gives birth to Leia and then promptly dies, presumably because Anakin turning to the Dark Side broke her heart.  So, did Padmé really die or is Leia lying or just absolutely bonkers?  No way did Baby Leia imprint on Padmé if Baby Luke, who was born first, didn’t.  Maybe a young Leia growing up on Alderaan unknowingly tapped into her innate Jedi powers and saw Padmé’s ghost.  Am I stretching for an answer other than blatantly bad and/or lazy writing? 

Beautiful, kind, sad and confused

Ok, fine, so as not to make this a total bitch-fest, I will give SITH a couple of things.  The return of Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca and James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader creates a nerd nirvana bubble.  Second, the scenes of the Jedi Knights being executed are heart-wrenching, seriously dark and powerfully scored by composer John Williams.  I hesitate to say these moments are the best part of the film, especially since Anakin personally executes a classroom of young Jedi-in-training, but they are memorable scenes in their horrifically tragic outcomes.

Did someone call for a babysitter?

In conclusion…
I once thought Episode III was the best in the Prequel Trilogy, but now I think the opposite.  The threadbare plot feels rushed in an attempt to finally try to hit important future pivotal moments.  The acting is generally atrocious and I’ve heard better dialogue in daytime soap operas.  In other words, THE PHANTOM MENACE may bore you to tears, but REVENGE OF THE SITH will inflict seriously cringing pain if you really think about it.  Search your feelings, you know it to be true.  At least you can watch with the knowledge that a legitimately good STAR WARS film is next in the chronological line.  I’m talking about A NEW HOPE, not SOLO or ROGUE ONE.
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ for the review of my favorite prequel… 

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Have you visited STURGEONS?