freakboy on film: BLONDE AMBITION (1981)

The most important American film since EARTHQUAKE! 

(directed by &. story by John and Lem Amero/ screenplay by Larue Watts) 

The Kane Sisters, Candy and Sugar, have big Broadway dreams, but they are stuck performing at a dive bar in Coyote Fang, Wyoming.  A lucky coincidence comes in the form of a handsome, rich dude and his chauffeur.  Stephen Carlisle III is in Wyoming to retrieve the Buckingham Broach, a priceless long-thought lost family heirloom, which looks exactly like Sugar’s cheap broach she purchased at a carnival.  After a quick take this job and shove it to their boss and a fond farewell to Luke, a studly stable boy who is trying to invent a tonic to get his horse back in the saddle, the Kane Sisters are off to New York City with Stephen Carlisle III and his chauffeur Eric Smythe. 

Later, after an eventful, full service flight, Stephen allows Candy and Sugar to stay in his NYC apartment while he returns the Buckingham Broach to his Aunt Lady Sybil Buckingham in England.  It isn’t long before the Kane Sisters jump start their big city show-biz career with roles in such art films as “Type, You Typers” and “Wild Gooseberries”.  At long last, Candy and Sugar get their big break in an epic reimagining of GONE WITH THE WIND, but it climaxes with one too many explosions and adds a new meaning to the line, “The Yankees are comin’!”

Meanwhile in England, while waiting to have the Buckingham Broach appraised, Lady Sybil Buckingham is not amused with potentially loose women using her nephew and his apartment.  (Lady Sybil: “I’m the last person who’s going to f*** her way into this family.”)  She hires a New York private investigator to uncover dirt on the Kane Sisters, which may prove easy.  Candy begins an affair with the actor who played Rhett in the GWTW disaster, while Sugar is eager to make new friends in New York City.  These friends include a straight swingin’ couple whose home is basically an ice-skating rink and then there is the gay couple downstairs, Bill and Bob.  Sugar lets Bill, who will be hosting a drag ball at a leather bar, borrow her cheap broach as a topper for his wand.  After Bill leaves to prepare for the ball, Sugar has a ball with Bob.  (Sugar: “Just try and think of me as a man.”  Bob: “Well, I’ll try.”) 

In a twist everyone should see coming, Lady Sybil and Stephen realize the Buckingham Broach has been mixed up with Sugar’s cheap imitation, so it’s off to NYC!

(SPOILER ALERT!: stop reading if you want to see for yourself how this crazy plot ends!) 

Meanwhile, the Kane Sisters are off to the leather bar to rescue the priceless broach, but they have to disguise themselves as drag queens to enter.  Chaos erupts when the leather boys discover Candy and Sugar are actually women just as Lady Sybil arrives with the police.  Then it’s off to jail for everybody, even Lady Sybil, (Cop: “Alright mac, you’re under arrest.  You’re also an ugly drag.”) but there is a happy ending!  Luke, the studly stable boy, bails everyone out with the millions he has made from a hair-growth tonic and then he proposes marriage to Sugar.  The money makes Lady Sybil a-ok with Stephen proposing to Candy.  Oh, it is also revealed the GWTW actor is the private investigator and that Lady Sybil, unbeknownst to her, actually owns the leather bar.  After all of that, and a whirlwind world tour, the Kane Sisters finally find Broadway success, and we are left with the moral of the story.  A riot in a gay bar and a night in the slammer is one way to ensure show-biz immortality! 

What can I say about BLONDE AMBITION?  It is a physically hetero-centric adult film with a little song and dance between the often amusing encounters.  It is an adult film conceived and directed by John and Lem Amero, two gay brothers both known for their 1960’s exploitation flicks.  It is an adult film that’s more focused on the crazy plot and zany humor than the s-e-x.  It is an adult film with surprisingly good acting, especially Suzy Mandel as ditzy Sugar, Molly Malone as haughty Lady Sybil and Kurt Mann as Bill, particularly when he’s in drag.  (Bill, referring to another drag performer: “After the show she’s going to do her famous Dance of the Virgins, strictly from memory.”)  

How did I stumble upon BLONDE AMBITION?  I was watching/listening to an audio commentary on a different movie when film historian Heather Drain was talking about the infamous Amero Brothers, from their early exploitation films to their foray into adult cinema, which led to BLONDE AMBITION.  She highly recommended this lavish production and I knew I simply had to see it when she quoted the most brilliant, jaw-dropping movie tagline EVER! 

If you liked Deep Throat and Singin’ in the Rain, you're gonna love Blonde Ambition! 

In conclusion…
Well, I did and I do! 

(and you can also love BLONDE AMBITION, if you’re an adult, through Mélusine, the scintillating sister site of Vinegar Syndrome! 😉)

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  BLONDE AMBITION and LET MY PUPPETS COME would make a perfect musical porno double feature! 

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Speaking of double features, DARKENING STURGEONS and HAUNTING STURGEONS are available separately or as a 2-in-1 combo from an Amazon near you…