freakboy on film: CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS (1980)

“That can’t be right.” 

This was my sister’s statement as she scrolled through the on-screen cable guide several years ago.  I looked up from whatever I was doing and eloquently inquired, “What?”  My sister explained that, according to the guide, the schmaltzy, Christmas obsessed Hallmark Channel was showing a film called CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, starring John Saxon.  While I could imagine this actor, in his later years, appearing as some young lovesick character’s grandfather, there was no way Hallmark would be showing a movie about cannibals.  Of course, we had to tune in to find out what the hell Hallmark was actually going to show! 

Tragically, it’s not about a woman making candles out of people!

CANDLES ON BAY STREET stars a luminescent Alicia Silverstone with Eion Bailey providing the eye candy.  The plot is definitely not about cannibals running amok in the streets.  It’s about a young woman returning to her hometown after many years away.  Instead of falling in love, like most Hallmark movies, she opens a candle shop and hopes to find a home for her son because she is dying.  It’s actually pretty decent, but maybe Hallmark could do a sequel titled CANNIBALS ON BAY STREET where Alicia Silverstone’s character returns to her hometown as a zombie. 

Scream play by Dardano Sacchetti & Antonio Margheriti / Directed by  Antonio Margheriti

However, the cannibals in CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS are not George A. Romero’s style of living dead.  These cannibals are high functioning rabid humans infected by a virus brought back by Vietnam War vets.  Whether in the streets, a theater, a department store or a hospital, the urge to get bitey with it is rampant.  It all begins with Norman Hopper having a nightmare about finding his soldier buddies, Charlie and Tommy, devouring human flesh in a hole.  The question is, did Charlie bite Norman as he tried to help them out of the hole or was that just part of the nightmare? 

Norman wishing he had packed cannibal repellent.

That’s a question the viewer must ponder as Norman deals with a teen neighbor girl flirting with him and a hot single doctor flirting with his TV reporter wife.  Oh, and Charlie, after being released from the mental hospital, celebrates his freedom by biting a woman’s neck in the theater, killing a member of a biker gang and then also shooting a department store security guard.  Norman talks Charlie down and soon the cannibal is back in the hospital, reuniting with Tommy.  Two cannibals are better than one as the biting gets out of control.  Then, to nobody’s surprise at this point, Norman is revealed to be infected and joins Charlie and Tommy in a cannibal posse as they flee from the cops.  Will the cannibals continue their rampage of biting or will the cops stop them?  Can Norman’s marriage survive the fact he has a taste for human flesh?  What does the teen neighbor girl have to do with anything?  You’ll have to watch to find out.  

Charlie won’t tell you, but he will bite you!

As you can tell, CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS is a serious film exploring the mental health of soldiers using cannibalism as an allegory for PTSD.  Yeah, not really, but I feel the plot wants to be that, maybe.  After seeing the film twice, I’m not really sure what it is.  Part of it is a serious drama, but then there are some well crafted gore scenes.  However, there is more than a little unintentional humor stemming mainly from the dialogue.  Everyone, except for John Saxon as Norman, sounds like they are dubbed.  This might be because this was an Italian production, even though some of it was shot in Atlanta, Georgia. 

Stop eating people so loudly, I’m trying to use the phone!

Speaking of John Saxon…
The actor is arguably best known as Nancy’s sheriff father in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) and is the main reason to watch CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS.  As Norman, he gives a believable performance as a man struggling with emotional and physical demons.  In other words, he lends credibility to the entire production.  Plus, if a cannibal daddy is your kink, Mr. Saxon goes topless.  

Norman brings all the cannibals to the yard

In conclusion… 
CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, or CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE, as it is known on Tubi & Prime, is somehow neither a great movie nor a bad movie.  The plot plods along, often feeling like it’s not going anywhere even when things are actually happening.  However, despite all of that, I enjoyed the off-kilter weirdness coursing throughout.  Plus, John Saxon is always watchable!  So I guess overall, I’m glad the very mistaken on-screen cable guide introduce me to CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS via the Hallmark Channel. 
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This post is part of The John Saxon Blogathon, hosted by Barry of Cinematic Catharsis & Gill of Realweegiemidget Reviews!

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Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. my last blogathon post was a real scream…

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4 gift ideas for the open-minded readers in your life… 

RIVERSIDE

    It was all fun and games until it wasn’t.  They had gathered around a campfire on the man-made beach to relive their college days, not that those were so long ago.  Two years had passed since they became productive members of society. 

    Lev sat nursing a bottle of beer as the general catching up conversation landed on him.  The six others were shocked he and Adam were still together.  “Adam was always such a loner.  Never came to parties or anything,” Stacie commented as she moved closer to the drenched Derek.  

    Derek had jumped in the river first thing, now he sat half-naked, glistening in the evening light.  “Why didn’t he come with you this time, Lev?” he inquired between handfuls of pork rinds. 

    “Adam doesn’t like the water,” Lev answered with a shrug, hoping his display of nonchalance would change the subject.  

    Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fire in the fading sunlight or maybe the group was realizing they didn’t have much in common without college, but Beth pushed up her glasses and suggested telling ghost stories.  Brad groaned as Beth mentioned the Peach Lady.  They all had heard the legend.  A ghostly woman wearing a peach dress would visit the graves of those she murdered in life and if you saw her, you’d be her next victim.  “Sorry, but that’s a buncha bullshit!  An apparition can’t manifest in such a physical sense,” Brad demonstratively voiced, nearly spilling his beer on Beth.  They had been a couple back in the day, nerds in love as Derek used to call them, but the look on Beth’s face said those days were over. 

    “Ricky Jones wasn’t bullshit,” Derek muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear. 

    “What?  Did the Peach Lady get him?” Brad asked in a fit of laughter which made Beth move closer to Marnie and Alice. 

    “No,” Marnie answered, firmly silencing the laughter.  “Ricky Jones disappeared during a paranormal investigation on campus.  We heard him scream, but we couldn’t find him.  Even the police turned up nothing.  He was just gone.”

    “I don’t remember him,” Alice spoke up, feeling ashamed.  Marnie took her hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze. 

    “Most people forgot about him.”  Derek shook his head and glanced at Lev before finishing the bag of pork rinds.   

    Lev remembered Ricky Jones and the night he disappeared.  They had known each other threw off-campus meetings, but the main reason he remembered was Derek.  It had been late when he returned to their dorm room and shook Lev awake.  The typically handsome young man was a mess of fear and tears as he tried to explain the unexplainable disappearance of Ricky Jones.  Lev didn’t know what to think or say, so he pulled Derek into his bed, allowing his distraught friend to safely sob away the trauma until they both fell asleep entwined in a comforting embrace.  They never talked about that night, but Lev felt like this wasn’t the time to bring it up. 

    Stacie was about to say something, but she moved away in annoyance and disgust when Derek started coughing.  Alice moved closer, worried he was choking.  Her nurse training kicked in as Derek collapsed and began violently convulsing in the sand, but her aid seemed pointless as his body suddenly went limp.  The others stood up as Alice incredulously pronounced Derek dead, except he wasn’t quite. 

    Derek sat up and lunged at Alice.  She screamed and Marnie, usually so jumpy, raced to help, but stopped.  None of them could process the sight of Derek tearing off a chunk of flesh from Alice’s face with his teeth and then swallowing the pulpy mess.  Stacie ran screaming.  Brad vomited and passed out.  Beth tried to stop Derek as he continued feasting on Alice but his attack on her was just as bloody and brutal. 

    Within the horrifying seconds of eternity, Lev locked eyes with Marnie across the campfire.  He had once drunkenly told her Adam’s story, told her what Adam said to do if anything strange happened.  Stay calm.  Stay focused, and run.  Run to me.  Marnie’s curly hair blew back and Lev’s hazel eyes focused ahead as they ran through the night, as they ran for their lives. 

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2024, John L. Harmon 

Click the pics ⤵️ to read stories which may share threads with RIVERSIDE…

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 
JLH  

P.S.  Take a holiday in the small town tranquility of Sturgeons…just don’t expect to survive… 

LAST MOMENTS

   The camouflaged partners sit in an old pick-up truck, its headlights turned off.  Beyond the cracked windshield sits a cabin, light streaming from its windows and open door.  A constant thudding of music reverberates through the darkness between the vehicle and the structure.  

    Shadows lurch through that darkness, slowly approaching the unmistakable sign of life.  The men are still as they watch the shadows reveal themselves in the cabin's glow.  Human in shape but that's where comparisons end. 

    "Moths to a flame," the driver whispers. 

    "I knew it would work," the passenger replies.

    How long has it been since the dead refused to stay dead?  Weeks?  Months?  Years?  It doesn't matter now that it has come down to this.  The two of them waiting in the old pick-up.  Waiting for an end. 

    All the driver can think of is the beginning.  They met in college, when the world buzzed with life and possibilities.  Their relationship didn't happen overnight.  A connection took time to develop, but when they finally clicked, he thought it would be forever.  

    He glances at the passenger.  That serious face is nearly concealed in the darkness.  Always so serious, like he knew this nightmare was coming.  Like he knew forever was just a dream.

    "I'm sorry I never joined you on the beach," the passenger speaks softly.

    "You had your reasons."  

    The passenger briefly hums at that truth.  He looks over to the driver, wishing he could clearly see those open, giving eyes staring back at him through the darkness.  It pains him to not kiss out of fear of passing the infection.  

    The driver had seen the zombie a moment too late during a supply run.  Saw the decayed mouth tearing a chunk of flesh out of his partner's arm.  He dispatched the former human with severity, but they knew it was too late.

    "One more and then it will be time." 

    Hands join in the darkest of nights as they focus on the cabin.  A lone shadow steps into the door's light.  The passenger's hand burns with the fever ravaging his body.  The driver's hand trembles with the knowledge of what is to come. 

    The passenger lets go and cautiously exits the vehicle, a baseball bat ready and the device around his chest activated.  No painful words of goodbye or declarations of love.  Anything needed to be said was said.  He knows it is time to die and take out as many zombies as possible.

    The driver peers through the cracked windshield.  He doesn't want to see but he needs to know.  In a moment of eternity he waits, holding his breath, until his partner is a shadow charging into the cabin.  His hazel eyes burn with tears as a fireball lights up the night

...silencing the music 

...leaving him alone.

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Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  This story may have connecting threads to...

A GRAVE SITUATION 

SCAR TISSUE 

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The Collective Eye is open with a short list of books & blogs! 

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https://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2020/05/the-collective-eye-may-2020.html