channel freakboy: RETURN TO THE PLANET OF THE APES (1975-1976)

The year is 3979 and Earth has experienced a cataclysmic catastrophe while I was on a rocket ride in Outer Space with a certain animated feline pop band. 

Saturday morning in the 1970’s was a very different time.

You see, I had Josie and the gang leave me on a planetoid so a certain animated Starfleet vessel could take me home, but Kirk and crew dropped me off in the upside-down future of RETURN TO THE PLANET OF THE APES.  (It’s a convoluted scenario which you can read about HERE)  Anyhoo, I’ve been hiding out with the cave-dwelling humanoids for the last two years after my Ted Talk concerning the dangers of being a toon junkie went horribly wrong.  The talking apes chased me out of Ape City, but thankfully they now believe I was just a mental trick deployed by their below surface enemy, the Underdwellers.  If a humanoid with the knowledge of language is ever discovered, all the humanoids will be eradicated, instead of simply being harvested for animal labor, for scientific studies, for war games, for the “animal replacement preserve” and to be kept as pets. 

Jeff, Judy and Bill pose for the cover of their folk album!

This is why I’m worried about the spaceship that crashed in the lake.  By keeping quiet and observing, I’ve learned three astronauts from 1976 are now among us.  Bill Hudson, Judy Franklin and Jeff Allen survived their crash, only to find themselves at the mercy of the desolate landscape and sweltering heat of The Forbidden Zone.  Bill and Jeff made it through the treacherous terrain, thanks to the care of Nova, easily the smartest of the humanoids, but Judy has been abducted by the Underdwellers!  They call her “Usa” and claim she is part of an ancient prophecy. 

Nova cared for me during my Quisp withdrawal.

As if there wasn’t already enough going on, Bill and some of the humanoids were captured by General Urko, the leader of the gorilla army.  Thankfully Bill escaped by befriending Cornelius and Zira, two chimpanzee scientists.  Jeff and Bill then managed to free the captured humanoids, which is great, but the pressure is mounting from all sides.  Dr. Zaius, an orangutan leader, is growing more and more suspicious of Cornelius and Zira, as they are constantly risking their careers for Bill, Jeff and the humanoids.  General Urko is growing more and more war-hungry and paranoid of humanoids, the Underdwellers and even other apes.  The Underdwellers’ motives and ultimate plan for Judy remain uncertain and now volcanic activity is threatening their existence.  To top it all off, Bill and Jeff are planning to move the humanoids to a lush area called New Valley, where herds of unicorn-buffalo hybrid roam. 

The doctor is in!

Will Dr. Zaius catch Cornelius and Zira breaking ape law?  Will General Urko start an all out war?  Will The Underdwellers release Judy?  Will Bill and Jeff save the humanoids?  Will the dog tags Nova wears bring help with a surprising reference to one of the films?  Will “A Day at the Zoo,” an ancient book Bill and Cornelius placed in the care of the extremely peaceful and very zen Mountain Apes, bring peace to the planet or completely tear it apart?  There was only 13 episodes and it ended with a cliffhanger, so we may never know.  Plus, I managed to escape from this animated upside-down future, which is another post for another time. 

Cornelius and Zira doubt I’ll blog about my escape.

I first experienced RETURN TO THE PLANET OF THE APES when my sister purchased a massive APES box set in the early 2000’s.  We both expected the series to be utter crap, but we were both wrong.  This criminally short-lived animated series is wildly entertaining and full of surprises.  While each episode has its own plot, there is an overall storyline throughout.  For a Saturday morning cartoon, it is amazingly complex.  Seriously, you need to watch this one in order!  The writers even expected viewers to remember little events from several episodes before.  Another interesting aspect of the series is how it borrows elements from the novel (the apes are technologically advanced), and includes characters from the original films and the live-action TV series, but does its own thing. 

Tree huggers of the future unite!

I’m sure there are those of you out there who are yelling at my words.  Screaming about the not-so-great animation and the occasionally stiff voice-acting.  Yes, there are deficiencies, including plot holes and a few contradictions, but I think PLANET OF THE APES fans should embrace the sheer scope and clever intricacies of the animated series.  You simply need to overlook the flaws and lose yourself in the story and the characters.

General Urko wants YOU to watch this series!

SIDE NOTE: Sadly, Roddy McDowall does not voice Cornelius, but there is still an acting thread connecting the animated series to the films.  Austin Stoker, who portrayed MacDonald in BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES, voices Jeff Allen. 

In conclusion…
I always look forward to returning to this intriguing animated planet when my sister and I commence our annual APES marathon.  With more money and an evening time slot, I believe this series could have found a wider audience and lasted longer, but, alas, it was not meant to be.  At least we have these 13 episodes to enjoy!  So, if you dig classic Saturday morning television or you’re a franchise completist, then RETURN TO THE PLANET OF THE APES may be in your future! 
(whispers - “check YouTube”)

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind contribution to the FUTURETHON blogathon hosted by Barry of Cinematic Catharsis and Gill of Realweegiemidget Reviews!

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. Click a pic ⤵️ for more of my animated misadventures… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~
My books & blogs… 
http://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-collective.html

freakboy on film: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR (2013)

 To quirk, or not to quirk?  That is the question…

Even now, looking at a photo while wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I can see why I was drawn to the DVD while flipping through a rack at a local gas station.  The cover, with its simple artwork that looks like something from the 1950’s, was unlike all the mainstream movies before me.  So I picked it up, not knowing a thing about it.  Seriously, I couldn’t decipher either the long title or the cast.  I just felt a strong desire because whatever it was seemed different. 

When I joined my sister in line at the gas station, I showed her the DVD and explained how I didn’t know what it was, but I was going to buy it.  She figured I was buying it because Parker Posey was in it.  I was amazed!  I couldn’t read her name, so it felt like fate that I was subconsciously drawn to a film with one of my favorite acting talents!  This made me even more eager to pop in the disc! 

Well…

I didn’t make it through the first time I tried watching AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  Neither the story nor the actors held my attention.  Though maybe it didn’t help that my phone was in easy reach.  So I vowed I would give it another watch, for Parker Posey and for myself. 

Parker Posey waves for help to get out of this movie!

One Month Later…

I still hadn’t tried watching it again and now a Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift to myself was on its way.  I needed to watch this DVD so I could freely enjoy the upcoming movies.  My sister recommended watching it in parts over a couple of days, like we did with the criminally boring SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY.  Much like Yoda, my sister’s advice was spot on.  

Three Days Later…

Bruce Greenwood as me after watching this movie!

Even in 25-30 minute increments, AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR was tough to sit through.  The quirky plot about a CEO of an advertisement agency having a nervous breakdown and talking in commercial slogans was presented in the most unquirky way possible.  Such a potentially fun idea deserves a little spring in its step, but it all felt as monochrome as its cover art.  

Even the usually reliable Parker Posey, Bruce Greenwood and Callum Blue couldn’t seem to elevate this film to the quirkiest height of quirkiness it should’ve reached.  However, I wonder If maybe director Zack Bernbaum directed the cast to play their characters with overwhelmingly sedate personalities.  Though maybe the screenplay by Michael Hamilton-Wright was going for the tediousness of day-to-day reality instead of the quick pop and sizzle hyper-reality of a well-crafted commercial.  Whatever the reason, it will be approximately 90 minutes of your life you will never get back, unless you’re into films where a character suddenly pulls out a guitar and everyone is so emotionally moved that you want to hurl.  

Callum Blue just threw-up a little in his mouth!

In conclusion…

My subconscious must have been out to lunch when I felt drawn to AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  However, I suppose it was different, but in a safe, boring way.  So, if  you crave a fun, quirky satire of advertising, with Parker Posey, skip this yawn fest and watch JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (2001) instead! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, possibly harsh, words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  My Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift arrived! 🤓

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something for you to read while my part of the world plunges into a deep freeze… 

🥶

channel freakboy: JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (1970-1971)

For those who don't know, JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS started life in 1963 as a comic book in the Archie universe.  Then they were in two early 1970's Saturday morning animated series, one in  the Scooby-Doo universe and the other in outer space.  In the 21st Century, the all-girl band turned up in a vastly under-appreciated 2001 live-action film and appeared in RIVERDALE, The CW's moody, broody take on Archie and the gang. 

For this post, and my continuing Saturday Morning Mid-Life Crisis, I'd like to examine 4 aspects of the first animated series.  So, come along now, pour a bowl of your favorite breakfast cereal and put on long tails and ears for hats...

1. The characters...

Josie, on the guitar, is sweet and understanding.  Valerie, on tambourines, is so clever and mechanically inclined that I'm convinced she taught MacGyver everything he knows.  Melody, on the drums, may seem like a ditzy blonde but she is more aware than people think.  

Along for the crazy ride is Alan, the roadie (I assume), who may be sweet on Josie, but I think he's secretly crushin' on Alex.  Alexander Cabot III, the band's manager, tends to be a chicken, but manages to book gigs all over the world.  His sister Alexandra, a schemer with a punk rock white stripe in her hair, tags along because she can and because she has it bad for Alan.  Last, but not least, there is Alexandra's cat Sebastian, who ultimately gives his feline brethren a good name.  He saves the gang on occasion, even from the bottom of the ocean in the first episode.

2. Groovy tunes... 

Ive been wanting an official collection of Josie and the Pussycats for years.  I could've dropped $900 of my stimulus money on a used CD via Amazon or just buy the series on DVD for $10.  It was a no brainer because I'm a cheapskate.  The songs have always been the thing I remember most from watching reruns as a kid. 

I enjoyed all the songs, but a few really stood out.  The theme song is terrific and nicely sets up the series, but there is so much more to hear.  Inside, Outside, Upside Down is a catchy song about stalking your crush.  Lie Lie Lie is one of the most realistic songs about romance ever recorded.  Roadrunner is unfortunately not about a fellow cartoon character, but it is about a woman warning another of a male hussy.  My favorite is You've Come A Long Way Baby.  This song is about a woman not being impressed with the glitz and glam of an old beau's success.  She wants the boy she used to know, not the tricked out mack-daddy he's become.

3.  Mystery-solving teens... 

When I was younger, I believed Josie and the Pussycats belonged with the Scooby gang in the genre of teen sleuths.  Now that I'm older and allegedly wiser, I'm not so certain.  Yes, there are similarities, but there are also notable differences. 

Josie and the gang aren't really solving mysteries.  They are often swept up in the world domination plans of James Bond-style villains.  Typically, these baddies are introduced in the opening scene, so there is rarely a big unmasking at the end.  Also different is the constant antagonistic behavior of Alexandra.  She has no comparison character in the Scooby gang.  Last, but once again not least, Sebastian isn't really a sidekick like Scooby or Captain Caveman because he's not front and center.  Maybe these differences stem from Josie and the Pussycats being a comic book first.  

4. Insensitivity issues... 

It was 50 years ago, so 21st Century viewers should expect to be offended by something.  There is cultural insensitivity, especially a scene where Alan goes through a series of stereotypical disguises.  There is also body insensitivity, with some overweight jokes.  I must add there is age insensitivity when a villain transforms Alexander, Melody and Alexandra into slow, sleepy, complaining senior citizens.

Oh, and some might find Melody offensive because she may contribute to the ditzy blond stereotype and Alexandra may encourage bullying.  Plus, there is little representation of the LGBTQ community, other than maybe Alan.  There may also be an outcry over The Pussycats' skimpy cat outfits.  Are they a product of male chauvinist sexism or female feminist empowerment?  I don't know, but I believe the most important question centers around one of The Pussycats.  

Does Valerie, a strong, intelligent, independent woman of color, counterbalance the potentially outrage-inducing aspects of JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS?  

I believe the answer is far more complex and runs much deeper than an early 1970's Saturday morning cartoon.

In conclusion, despite its flaws, i enjoyed this trip down Saturday Morning Lane.  Memorable characters and great songs keep JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS groovin'.  However, 21st Century parental discretion is advised. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  4 reasons to see the 2001 film...

http://freakboyzone.blogspot.com/2019/06/freakboy-on-film-josie-and-pussycats.html 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Saturday Morning Mid-Life Crisis, so far...

CAPTAIN CAVEMAN AND THE TEEN ANGELS 

THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN 

freakboy on film: JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (2001)

Before I blogged...

Before I was sucked into social media...

I inflicted my friends and very specific family members with filmic emails detailing four reasons to watch a certain movie.  

So, in honor of those historic (in my mind) emails, and because I was struggling to write a typical freakboy on film, here are...

4 Reasons To See...

JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS 

                          2001 

Written & Directed by 

Deborah Kaplan & Harry Elfont 

1.  The Villains 

Parker Posey as Fiona, the head of MegaRecords, and Alan Cumming as Wyatt Frame, her music exec lackey, are deliciously evil and extremely entertaining as they brainwash the youth of America with subliminal messages in pop music. 

2.  DuJour 

This fierce satire of boy bands may not receive much screen time, but they are spot-on hilarious.  Can you ever go wrong with Seth Green? 

3.  Melody Valentine

Tara Reid will probably be forever known for the Sharknado flicks, but she really shines as the most innocent and sweetest Pussycat.  Melody is an unrelenting beam of positive sunshine who isn't as completely naive as she seems.

4.  The Music 

A pop-rock mix of new songs and covers, the soundtrack includes legitimately good music, along with some cheeky winks.  Listen to Backdoor Lover by DuJour for the latter. 

In conclusion, I love this wicked satire of the music industry, materialism and American consumerism.  I think it's either misunderstood or hated because it's not an exact replica of the classic Saturday morning cartoon, but there's a lot going on if you scratch beneath the seemingly slick, superficial surface.

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  A wickedly hilarious review of Madonna's Madame X album from My Gay Opinion...

http://www.mygayopinion.com/3699/madonnas-madame-x-deluxe/ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My books & blogs...

https://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-collective.html 

freakboy muses music: 2019 THEME SONG

No, I'm not talking about a song from the opening credits of a television show.  Though that would be fun, especially after the album of cartoon theme songs I recently listened to.  Yes, it was to hear Josie and the Pussycats, but that's another post for another day.  

I'm talking about songs we connect to people, places and events.  Sometimes these music connections originate organically and sometimes we purposely assign the songs.  Sometimes the words to the song may not even make sense with the person, place or event, but the spirit is forever captured in the tune.

I've often made these music connections in my life.  In my youth, I considered All I Really Want by Alanis Morissette to be my personal theme song.  I'm not sure if it still applies, but I understand why I thought it suited me.  I've even had a song pull double duty.  I've assigned Pretend to be Nice by Josie and the Pussycats, from the 2001 film soundtrack, to two different people.  Ok.  Yes.  Fine.  I will one day blog about my freakish obsession with Josie and the Pussycats.  It's probably not as interesting or weird as my Perry Como obsession, but it may be worth writing about.

Back in 2003, while dealing with my mom being in and out of the hospital, I found myself turning to Love Profusion by Madonna for strength.  I also found comfort in Wicked Little Town from the soundtrack to the 2001 film of Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  See what I mean?  I'm not sure the latter makes sense, but these songs now take me back to that emotional time in my life. 

Over the last couple of years, I've made music connections that essentially became theme songs for the entirety of the year.  2017 was pretty much consumed by the entire soundtrack to Carrie the Musical, though many other albums and songs also helped me through my chunk of vision loss.  2018 belonged to the song Madly by FIELDED.  These connections came about naturally and unexpectedly, but this year I am taking control and choosing a theme song. 

I'm returning to the soundtrack to Hedwig and the Angry Inch and choosing Wig in a Box for my 2019 theme song.  Tragically, I'm not going to transform into a transgender-punk rock diva.  However, if I was going to, I'd want to be the love child of Hedwig and Divine, though I draw the line at eating dog shit. 

Anyhoo, I'm choosing Wig in a Box because of its overall theme of finding a way to be the best version of yourself.  After dealing with relearning life in a visually diminished world in 2017 and struggling through the emotional mess of 2018, I need to claim an upbeat, life-affirming theme song for 2019.   

Hopefully, with my blogs and my upcoming book of half-blind poems, I will find the best version of myself that you've ever seen.  

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH

P.S.  I'm such a tease...