channel freakboy: JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS IN OUTER SPACE (1972)

 (I stand at a podium bathed in a blinding spotlight within a darkened auditorium.)

Hello.

My name is John and I’m a toon junkie.  It started as a Saturday Morning Mid~Life Crisis, but it turned into an addiction.

It’s been a few weeks since I last used, but I know sharing my story is an important step on the long road to recovery. 

My sister found me on the outskirts of Riverdale, licking the bottom of a cereal bowl while wearing old, tattered Aquaman Underoos.  She tried to hold an intervention, but I wasn’t ready to admit I needed help.  So, after downing some Quisp, I strapped on one of my dad’s adult diapers, carjacked a driverless car and programmed it to take me to Florida.

You see, I heard that my favorite animated pop band was scheduled to perform at the latest rocket launch and I didn’t want to miss it.  Once there, I was annoyed that I couldn’t get a closer view of Josie, Valerie, Melody, Alan, Alexander, Alexandra and Sebastian riding up the elevator to the boarding platform, so I did what any fan would do.  I knocked out a security guard and took his uniform.  That’s when I suddenly decided to sneak aboard the rocket.  If Josie and the Pussycats were going to perform on the ship, I wanted front row seats and a chance for selfies with the band! 

The Quisp high has blurred my memory of how exactly I got aboard, but I clearly remember what happened next.  Reporters were preparing  to snap a few pics of the band when Alexandra tried to photo bomb the moment.  Josie and the gang tumbled into the rocket and accidentally blasted us off into Outer Space!  I held on for dear life and was thankful that I had grabbed a spare adult diaper. 

It’s true, I was with Josie on a rocket ride.  Yes, the Pussycats were by her side.  Valerie and Alan were trying to steer the long, phallic ship, while Alexandra’s pushy offers to help got us more lost in Outer Space.  Alexander was quaking in fear, cementing his role of chicken and Shaggy clone.  I fully expected him to shout, “Zoinks!”  Melody, upon the first planetoid we crashed, befriended an alien named Bleep, as in “What the BLEEP is that BLEEPING thing?”  The answer...a walking, talking (sort of) piece of space laundry lint.

The Pussycats’ Outer Space adventures were similar to what they experienced on Earth.  I mean, who knew there were so many alien dictators wanting to conquer Earth?!?!  Fortunately, Josie and the gang always stopped the villains.  Unfortunately, they performed new songs, which was more than enough punishment for the baddies. 

I don’t know if it was the acoustics of the rocket or the alien atmospheres, but the band’s music lacked that special something.  The songs were fine but forgettable or maybe my Quisp high was wearing off.  It was then I decided I needed help for my problem.   After 16 adventures with Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space, I had them drop me off on the nearest planetoid to wait for the animated STAR TREK crew to find me and bring me back to Earth. 

And that’s my story of cereal, Saturday Morning and addiction.  I hope you see me as a cautionary tale.  Thank you.

(The lights in the auditorium flicker on and I stand in disbelief.  Dr. Zaius shakes his head with disapproval.  Cornelius and Zira gaze at me with concern, while General Urko calls for his troops.  I realize the Trek crew dropped me off in the wrong time.  Damn them all to Hell!  They returned me to the animated Planet of the Apes!) 

In conclusion, I know I had seen JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS IN OUTER SPACE in reruns as a kid but it felt like watching a brand new show.  There’s entertainment value to be found but it doesn’t click like the original earthbound series.  My biggest complaints center around all of the missed opportunities for Alexandra to be awful to everyone and the lackluster music, but it’s all a thousand times better than a certain teenage witch.  

SIDE NOTE: I think this marks the end of my Saturday Morning Mid~Life Crisis/addiction.  Though, a little shop, some killer tomatoes and a galaxy high on You Tube are all tempting me.  

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH

P.S.  My Saturday Morning Mid-Life Crisis... 

SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH 

JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS 

THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN 

CAPTAIN CAVEMAN AND THE TEEN ANGELS 

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For some mind-altering music, check out this month’s Collective Eye interview...

👁

http://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2021/04/the-collective-eye-may-2021.html