Flushing away 2022…

2022 hasn’t been complete crap, but there’s been plenty of it, both personally and worldwide.  So here is a New Year’s card I made for my sister (and others) at the end of 2003.   

My sister and I unearthed this 19-year old relic during the process of moving this year and it seemed appropriate.  So, have an un-crappy New Year and thanks for visiting.  I think my blog has finally earned its name this year and hopefully I’ll continue to open up a bag of freak on all of you in 2023! 🤪

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ for my most viewed tale of 2022…

booking freakboy: DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS by Joe Leon Houston

I had never heard of the sub-genre “Vintage Gay Pulp Fiction” until looking for books by Ed Wood, Jr.  A quick eBay search revealed amusing and potentially offensive titles such as Senator Swish and Villa of Queens.  Then I noticed DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS and was immediately intrigued by the lurid soap opera title and how the cover showed two men standing together, yet apart.  However, the three-digit price had an opposite effect.  I mean, I wanted to read it, but not that much!  Thankfully, I found a copy on Amazon for around $8. 

I’ve found out you can’t tell a queer by his looks.

DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS is about Carl, a young man living in a small Texas town in the 1960’s.  Carl didn’t realize he was gay until, while hitchhiking, he was raped by a truck driver and, um, enjoyed it.  Yeah, nothing problematic there.  Anyhoo, after this life-altering experience, Carl had one foot out of the closet, at least on weekends when he ventured to a nearby big city.  

One Sunday at Mabel’s, a woman who flaunted the laws prohibiting Holy Day alcohol and homosexuality by holding tea dances in her home, Carl met Charles, aka Chuck.  It was lust at first sight, which is interesting since the two men resembled each other.  Is Carl his own type?  Anyhoo, lust turned to love and things were going well until Chuck visited Carl’s small hometown.  The family priest saw the two men making out in a car and told not only Carl’s parents, but the town gossip, as well.  This vicious old busybody, who would give Ms. Floridia Minch of Sturgeons a run for her money, spread the scandalous news around town and even tried to get Carl fired from his supermarket job. 

Chuck decided to leave Carl and go away, even though he claimed it wasn’t because of all the drama.  Carl doesn’t handle this split very well at all, heading to Mabel’s for a blackout bender.  The next morning becomes as life-altering as hitchhiking when Carl wakes up in a strange bed and soon meets its female owner.  Janis had found Carl drunk out of his mind at Mabel’s and brought him home.  This awkward introduction turns to friendship and eventually marriage.  Yes, marriage and things seem to be going well.  Carl is sexually satisfying Janis, while eventually satisfying himself with a door-to-door insurance salesman, but then Carl learns Chuck has returned.  

What’s a hetero-married homosexual to do?  Carl could stay with Janis, run off with Chuck or start his life anew alone.  Well…(SPOILER ALERT)…Carl has the decision made for him when he walks in on Chuck and Janis chatting while doing the mattress mambo.  It seems Janis had been looking for Chuck at Mabel’s when she found Carl and initially thought he was Chuck in the dim light.  Meanwhile, Chuck had took off after the small town drama to decide if he should go all the way gay to be with Carl or straighten himself out to be with Janis.  Apparently being bisexual wasn’t an option in 1960’s Texas. 

I experienced three things when I closed DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS.  First, my heart broke for Carl.  He deserved better.  Second, I realized this must be one of the most entertaining books I’ve ever read.  It was dramatic, funny and absolutely crazy.  Third, I felt high, like I was walking in a dream.  Even with the folds of time between us, I stumbled across this book published in 1966 and pulled it into 2022.  DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS seemed so perfectly suited for my taste that I once again imagined a freak like me stumbling across a copy of DARK EXCURSIONS in the distant future, falling in love with my emotionally damaged characters and feeling as though they discovered a secret treasure they want to share with anyone who will listen.  Hey, it could happen, obviously!  

Despite its sometimes trashy pulp fiction vibe, DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS (originally published in 1965 as “The Gay Flesh”) is a piece of literary queer history.  Author Joe Leon Houston swings open the closet door to reveal what life might have been like for some in the LGBTQ+ community before Stonewall.  The “shadows” in the title seems to be an accurate description of that time and a reminder of how we can’t allow others to force us back into the silent darkness. 

The time flew and we drank in the lust of our sex.

In conclusion, 

Maybe it’s the subject matter or the soap opera twists.  Perhaps it’s the characters or how I share the same initials with the author.  Whatever the reason, I feel a strong connection with this book.  In other words, DESIRE IN THE SHADOWS isn’t for everyone, but it’s definitely for me.  I’m just sad it appears this is Joe Leon Houston’s only book, but at least there’s more Vintage Gay Pulp Fiction to discover.  Oh please, you know if I ever find a reasonably priced copy, I’m so gonna read SENATOR SWISH! 😉 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words…and have a Happy New Year! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ in case you don’t know how this half-blind freakboy can read a physical book…

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A massive thanks to those of you in the world who took a chance on this indie author, blogger or something in 2022…or any year, for that matter.

Extra thanks to those who dared to go haunting in Sturgeons with me.  It really is my best piece of fiction, so far, but 2023 is right around the corner. 🤓

freakboy on film: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR (2013)

 To quirk, or not to quirk?  That is the question…

Even now, looking at a photo while wearing my Mad Scientist Glasses, I can see why I was drawn to the DVD while flipping through a rack at a local gas station.  The cover, with its simple artwork that looks like something from the 1950’s, was unlike all the mainstream movies before me.  So I picked it up, not knowing a thing about it.  Seriously, I couldn’t decipher either the long title or the cast.  I just felt a strong desire because whatever it was seemed different. 

When I joined my sister in line at the gas station, I showed her the DVD and explained how I didn’t know what it was, but I was going to buy it.  She figured I was buying it because Parker Posey was in it.  I was amazed!  I couldn’t read her name, so it felt like fate that I was subconsciously drawn to a film with one of my favorite acting talents!  This made me even more eager to pop in the disc! 

Well…

I didn’t make it through the first time I tried watching AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  Neither the story nor the actors held my attention.  Though maybe it didn’t help that my phone was in easy reach.  So I vowed I would give it another watch, for Parker Posey and for myself. 

Parker Posey waves for help to get out of this movie!

One Month Later…

I still hadn’t tried watching it again and now a Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift to myself was on its way.  I needed to watch this DVD so I could freely enjoy the upcoming movies.  My sister recommended watching it in parts over a couple of days, like we did with the criminally boring SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY.  Much like Yoda, my sister’s advice was spot on.  

Three Days Later…

Bruce Greenwood as me after watching this movie!

Even in 25-30 minute increments, AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR was tough to sit through.  The quirky plot about a CEO of an advertisement agency having a nervous breakdown and talking in commercial slogans was presented in the most unquirky way possible.  Such a potentially fun idea deserves a little spring in its step, but it all felt as monochrome as its cover art.  

Even the usually reliable Parker Posey, Bruce Greenwood and Callum Blue couldn’t seem to elevate this film to the quirkiest height of quirkiness it should’ve reached.  However, I wonder If maybe director Zack Bernbaum directed the cast to play their characters with overwhelmingly sedate personalities.  Though maybe the screenplay by Michael Hamilton-Wright was going for the tediousness of day-to-day reality instead of the quick pop and sizzle hyper-reality of a well-crafted commercial.  Whatever the reason, it will be approximately 90 minutes of your life you will never get back, unless you’re into films where a character suddenly pulls out a guitar and everyone is so emotionally moved that you want to hurl.  

Callum Blue just threw-up a little in his mouth!

In conclusion…

My subconscious must have been out to lunch when I felt drawn to AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR  SPONSOR.  However, I suppose it was different, but in a safe, boring way.  So, if  you crave a fun, quirky satire of advertising, with Parker Posey, skip this yawn fest and watch JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS (2001) instead! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, possibly harsh, words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  My Vinegar Syndrome double feature so-called-Christmas gift arrived! 🤓

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something for you to read while my part of the world plunges into a deep freeze… 

🥶

booking freakboy: DEATH OF A TRANSVESTITE by Ed Wood, Jr.

When I learned late filmmaker Edward D. Wood, Jr. had also been a novelist, it was only a matter of time before I read one of his literary efforts.  Ed’s original  novels from the 1960’s and 70’s are quite pricey on Amazon and eBay, but thankfully there have been a few recent reprints.  I chose DEATH OF A TRANSVESTITE for its lurid title and because the plot sounded intriguing. 

Glen is on death row for murder and he has one last request.  He wants to die as Glenda, the name Glen uses when dressed as a woman.  In exchange for this request, he will tell his/her story, and oh, what a story! 

Glen/Glenda has decided to retire from his/her career as a drag assassin for a syndicate, but the powers that be aren’t happy with this decision.  The only answer is for Glen/Glenda to go on the run to the underbelly of queer Hollywood, where he/she can hide in plain sight.  Along the way, Glen/Glenda meets and falls in love with Cynthia, a woman who accepts the sexual thrill of a man who has a penchant for wearing women’s panties.  “I sure should have known. Nobody has a hot tongue like you got unless they're a little queer...” 

Meanwhile the syndicate has sent another drag assassin to kill Glen/Glenda.  Paul is thirsty for blood and knows the best way to find his target is to let Pauline out.  Not only will Pauline be able to blend in with the queer crowd, she is beautiful, unlike ugly Paul.  This killer’s backstory is horrifying (Paul would rape and kill women for their clothes) and fascinating (Pauline almost married a man).  Now a dangerous drag game of cat and mouse commences, culminating in a scene of gunplay, high heels and carnage! 

Will Glen’s last request to die as Glenda be granted?  What happens to Paul/Pauline?  What about Cynthia?  Who exactly was the target audience back in 1967 for this hetero-centric sex with a queer twist book and will I read another one?  These are questions best left to readers of wonderfully trashy pulp fiction and to the admirably trashy readers of this blog.  I will say one thing though.  From my understanding, Ed’s earliest known novel BLACK LACE DRAG (aka Killer in Drag) is connected to this one, so only time will tell. 

In conclusion…

This book is not a sequel to Ed Wood’s GLEN OR GLENDA.  However, much like his film of transvestitism and gender reassignment, DEATH OF A TRANSVESTITE deals with similar themes in an equally shockingly progressive but weirdly backwards way.  I seriously enjoyed it’s jolting, off-kilter plot and this, along with John Waters’ TRASH TRIO, was a palette cleanser after one too many overly polished mainstream affairs.  So, if you crave a little vintage literary kink from the fringes, slip your favorite angora sweater over your best bullet bra and eagerly devour each deliciously sordid syllable of DEATH OF A TRANSVESTITE! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pics ⤵️ for more Wood…  

~~~~~~~~~~

Irritate and offend your homophobic family members this holiday season with the gift of one of my “unapologetically queer” books! 

🌈 

📚 

(Available from an AMAZON near you!)

channel freakboy: ROSWELL (1999-2002)

 

Hello, my name is John and I’m a teen drama addict.

Oh, I was a hardcore WB network junkie back in the day.  From Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Angel to Dawson’s Creek to Popular to Grosse Pointe, I couldn’t stop!  So it was fate, and absolutely no surprise, that I was in the middle of rewatching ROSWELL when Rebecca of Taking Up Room announced The Fake Teenager Festivus Blogathon!  Thank you for perfect timing, Rebecca! 

Liz and Max

Speaking of perfect timing, Liz Parker (high school science major by day, waitress by evening) is lucky that Max Evans (high school student by day, half-extraterrestrial by genetic design) was at the Crashdown Cafe when she was accidentally shot.  Max used his alien powers to save Liz and turn her life topsy-turvy!  Now Liz, along with best friends Maria (Jetta driver by day, aspiring musician by night), Alex (lovesick goofball by day, suave romantic in dreams), and ex-boyfriend Kyle (former football jock by day turned Buddhist by Zen), must deal with mysterious government agents, out of this world threats and other teen aliens.  Max isn’t the only one in town.  There is his sister Isabel (perfect student by day, Christmas Nazi at holidays), their friend Michael (less than perfect student by day, screw-up by day and night), and eventually Tess (new student by day, manipulator by choice).  The half-aliens were in the infamous 1947 flying saucer crash and incubated in pods for decades, so they carry a lot of baggage and backstory.

Maria and Michael 

ROSWELL aired for two seasons on the WB network and then for one season on UPN.  Both of these networks eventually combined to form the CW.  Anyhoo, the first season is a great mix of teen angst, humor and low-key sci-fi, and I still very much enjoy it.  The second season amps up the sci-fi stuff and isn’t quite as focused, but is still entertaining and better than I remembered.  The third season starts off all wannabe edgy, probably as a result of the different network, but eventually gets back to the heart of the show, which is the complicated but caring relationships between the alien and human teenagers. 

Isabel and Alex 

Speaking of teenagers, while not as painfully obvious as other shows, there are plenty of fake ones to be found.  Shiri Appleby as Liz Parker, Katherine Heigl as Isabel Evans, Brendan Fehr as Michael Guerin, Nick Wechsleras Kyle Valenti, and Colin Hanks(yes, Tom’s son) as Alex Whitman were all in their early 20’s when ROSWELL hit the airwaves.  Depending on lighting and camera angle, they are sometimes believable early on, but one among them is not.  The most obvious fake teenager award goes to Jason Behr as Max Evans, who was clearly 25 during the first season.  However, I must give ROSWELL props for a couple of real teenagers in the cast.  Majandra Delfino as Maria DeLuca and Emilie de Ravin as Tess Harding were 18, though they were in their early 20’s by the final season. 

Kyle and his sheriff father Jim (William Sadler)

Much like other teen dramas from that era, the acting is good but not always great.  The same can be said for some of the storylines.  Though all in all, interesting and likable characters lifts ROSWELL above other teen dramas.  In fact, it was good enough to receive a remake series on the CW titled ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO (2019-2022’, which I also recommend.  No fake teenagers can be found because the characters are all adults, but there’s enough residual teen angst vibe to please fans.  Plus, it has a natural inclusiveness that the original series would have probably not been allowed to explore.  

Michael, Tess, Max and Isabel

In conclusion…

One reason I enjoy ROSWELL, both then and now, is the relatable quality of how the aliens often feel like outsiders.  So, if you’ve ever felt that way or you’re addicted to teen drama like me, then grab some Tabasco sauce because ROSWELL may be the television series for you!  I mean, you can’t go wrong when “Here With Me” by Dido is the theme song! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ for an older post about seriously fake teenagers and the dangers of jazz… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After visiting ROSWELL, swing through STURGEONS, an idyllic small town perfect for seeking revenge! 

🏡🏠🏡🏠🏡  

To Ride a Giant Turd (a look at John Waters’ FLAMINGOS FOREVER)

 

I knew TRASH TRIO existed.  I even flipped through a copy at Barnes & Noble once, but for some inexplicable reason I did NOT purchase it!  Maybe I was young and idealistic?  I mean, I probably didn’t want to trash the Divine filth of PINK FLAMINGOS by reading the screenplay of the unfilmed sequel!  Either that or I couldn’t afford to buy it at the time and didn’t have the nerve to steal it.  (I hear John Waters sighing in disappointment) 

So, when I sat down to order a book written by filmmaker Ed Wood, Jr, I suddenly recalled that missed opportunity and corrected it.  Both books arrived on the same day, but I knew which I was going to read first.  (Sorry, Ed.)  Instead of skipping to FLAMINGOS FOREVER, I read the two other screenplays included in TRASH TRIO.  It was fun to hear my tablet recite vulgar dialogue from PINK FLAMINGOS and DESPERATE LIVING, but it was a way to extend anticipation.  A way to make me crave the answer to one of the world’s biggest mysteries…

What happened after Divine ate dog shit at the end of PINK FLAMINGOS? 

Well, it’s 15 years later and a gaggle of filth followers joyously welcome Divine and her dysfunctionally functional family back to Baltimore, Maryland and their new treehouse hideaway.  Divine is pleased with the accomidations and so is her egg-free mother Edie.  Sadly, Edie and The Eggman are divorced, so now Edie freaks out, in a negative way, when she sees an egg.  Cotton, Divine’s traveling companion, is satisfied with her voyeuristic porno room.  Crackers, Divine’s son, is super eager to try out his murder room.  Duane, an intense 8 year-old boy in drag with thick glasses, loves his modeling area.  Who is Duane?  He is the son of Divine and her son Crackers.  Yup, Divine is the mother to her own grandson, but, in her defense, she has to uphold the title of Filthiest Person Alive and what better way to do so!

(SIDE NOTE: Both Cotton and Crackers have “II” after their names in the screenplay.  I’m not clear why, but I assume John Waters didn’t expect the original actors to reprise the roles.)

Across town reside Vera & Wilbur Venninger, two jealous perverts who run a funeral home and consider themselves the filthiest people alive.  Are they?  Well, Wilbur practices necrophilia with his clients while Vera keeps kidnapped children in a dungeon, forcing them to shoot-up heroin and smoke cigarettes.  To top it all off, a magic mirror session reveals Vera is the sister of Connie Marble, who is currently burning in Hell after being executed by Divine in PINK FLAMINGOS.  Connie wants Divine dead, and so does Vera & Wilbur.  The unhinged couple plan to take Divine out in order to truly be the filthiest people alive and also as a step towards world domination!  

(SIDE NOTE: The magic mirror must be a reference to a thankfully deleted scene from PINK FLAMINGOS.  See the Criterion edition for more.) 

Besides her family and followers, Divine meets another warrior to join her in this new battle of filth.  Velveeta Jones is a 400 pound black woman who rapes men by day and relaxes in a tub of Jell-O by night.  The incomparable Jean Hill, so memorable as Grizelda in DESPERATE LIVING, was to bring Velveeta Jones to glorious life on the big screen and she would’ve been brilliant!  This truly unique character, more than anything, almost makes me wish FLAMINGOS FOREVER would’ve been filmed.  However, Velveeta’s bodyguard Puddles, “a rough-looking male impersonator in blackface,” would be seriously problematic. 

Now we come to the biggest question…

Does Divine retain her title of Filthiest Person Alive? 

WARNING!

SPOILERS AHEAD! 

Yes, she does, but it’s a hard won battle!  After being confronted by her biological clean-freak parents and dealing with (adopted mother) Edie’s newfound addiction to communism, Divine teams up with Velveeta.  They free the kidnapped children and take dumps in all of the toilets in the Venninger home.  Vera and Wilbur are chased by flying turds and Wilbur is ultimately sexed to death by Velveeta.  Vera escapes and drops a bomb on Divine’s treehouse hideaway, seeming to win the battle of filth, but did she?

Vera shows up in disguise at Divine’s funeral, but it’s all a ruse.  The coffin spins wildly and Divine emerges triumphant!  She and her family and followers burn Vera at the stake, toasting marshmallows in celebration!  Cut to Divine, Edie, Cotton, Crackers and Duane leaving Baltimore.  They spot a dog taking a dump and it’s easy to assume Divine is going to have a second helping, but nope!  The turd grows to an enormous size scaring the dog away, and Divine and her dysfunctionally functional family climb aboard.  Then they fly away on the giant turd, like a magic carpet of filth!  

So, there you have it and I’m not quite sure what it is.  Some of the screenplay made me laugh out loud.  Vera using the kidnapped kids as terrorists to destroy a suburban child’s birthday party was so wrong, but so right.  Some of it made me cringe.  We really didn’t need to know about Divine’s past.  Then certain aspects made me roll my eyes.  Divine having supernatural powers (she floats off the ground when angered) seemed a step too far off the deep end.  Ultimately, I believe if FLAMINGOS FOREVER had been filmed, it would’ve been the end of John Waters’ career.  There would be no HAIRSPRAY or SERIAL MOM or PECKER and that would be tragic. 

(SIDE NOTE: I’m surprised John Waters hasn’t found a brave artist to turn FLAMINGOS FOREVER into a graphic novel!)

In conclusion…

If you’re a John Waters fanatic, you MUST find a copy of TRASH TRIO so you can fully experience what might have been with FLAMINGOS FOREVER! 

If you’re not a John Waters fanatic, then skip it and go back to reading safe, overly-polished books. 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words!

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. Click the pic ⤵️ for my review of the Criterion edition of PINK FLAMINGOS! 🦩 

~~~~~~~~~~

My 2 paperbacks and 7 ebooks (so far) are available at an AMAZON near you! 📚