freakboy on film: SURGIKILL (1989)

It has been way too long since I blogged about Andy Milligan, so I conducted a poll on the site formerly known as Twitter.  Out of the four films listed in the poll, SURGIKILL won.  So, here we are for the last of Milligan’s California excursions.  

Directed by Andy Milligan/Screenplay by Andy Milligan/Story by Sherman Hirsh/Uncredited writing credit: Sid Caplin 

Overseen by Dr. Grace Goode, the Goode Community Hospital was established to help the patients who typically can’t afford medical care.  Well this is a case of getting what you pay for.  The hospital staff is incompetent at best, psychotic at worst, so it isn’t long before patients start dropping off like flies at the hands of a serial killer.  Dr. Goode keeps encouraging everyone to carry on as if nothing is wrong, even when the staff also begin turning up dead.  To top it all off, the hospital is going bankrupt and may be forced to close its doors forever.  

Young doctors in love

What will happen?  Will Dr. Goode find emotional support from Nurse Ratchitt and physical support from Dr. Harvey Harvey?  Will the serial killer be caught before disposing of the entire cast?  Will the hospital close, hopefully also closing the possibility of a sequel?  Well, I can’t force you to suffer through SURGIKILL just to find out. 

Never fear, Nurse Ratchitt is here!

SPOILER ALERT… 
The serial killer is Nurse Ratchitt, who is really Dr. Goode’s cousin in drag.  He wants to discredit Dr. Goode and take over the hospital, but he fails.  After all of that, the surviving staff actually manages to help a patient who has a rich twin brother, so the Goode Community Hospital will keep its doors open.  Yay, I guess. 

Like a Surgeon

I never thought I’d say this, but thankfully Andy Milligan died before he could make another film, sequel or otherwise.  SURGIKILL became the abysmal finale in a career that started off with such a promise of possibilities in VAPORS, reached its zenith with FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET and then went downhill from there.  Though I think WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING is extremely watchable and is easily his best California excursion.  

The writing in SURGIKILL is a sub-juvenile trip through stale one-liners and sex jokes, with soap opera parody elements which I almost appreciate.  From what I’ve read, some think Andy actually had nothing to do with the script, but my gut says he did.  There are too many Milligan moments, including a line ripped right out of FLESHPOT, even if these moments lack the punch of his East Coast and British films.  Andy’s directing is also severely lacking.  With the exception of a disturbing close-up of a killer’s face while suffocating a patient with a pillow, Milligan seems to have just set up the camera and called, “Action!” without directing the actors.  

He is doomed!

What can I say about the “acting” in SURGIKILL?  Is it bad acting when there barely seems to be any acting at all?  Most of the actors seem to be winging it in every scene, especially the buffoonish orderlies.  I suppose the “thespian” credited as “Bouvier” has a weirdly interesting screen presence as Dr. Grace Goode.  The only other worthy mention is Dan Foster-Jones as Nurse Ratchitt, who gets all the best lines, especially when she is being harassed by an obscene phone caller.  His performance in female nurse drag bares more than a passing similarity to the character of Cherry Lane in FLESHPOT, though Dan Foster-Jones can’t compare with the brilliance of Neil Flanagan! 

In conclusion…
SURGIKILL is a painfully awful mess of a movie that should only be viewed by maladjusted Andy Milligan completists like me.  However, in hindsight, Milligan may have finally succeeded in creating a true cinematic torture dungeon.  In other words, admit yourself to this hospital at your own risk and beg for anesthesia! 

‘Nuff said?

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  This was only my third viewing of SURGIKILL and I realized the screaming of an elderly wheelchair-bound woman as she is pushed down a flight of stairs was dubbed from Maggie Rogers as Mrs. Manning in SEEDS (aka Seeds of Sin).  Was it a loving tribute or just a cheap way to get a good scream?  You decide. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~
My books on Amazon… viewAuthor.at/JohnLHarmon 

freakboy on film: WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING (1989)

First, thank you to my tweeps who voted in my recent Andy Milligan Twitter poll!  The winner was WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING, so here we go… 

Much like the infamous puppet porn, I won WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING as the sole bidder in an eBay auction.  I saw a reasonably priced copy, placed a bid for $1 more than the asking price and then went about my day.  I later received an email announcing my win, but I was still home, so tragically there was no public declaration of winning a weirdo. 

The slipcover perfectly captures the essence of this film.

I was rather nervous when I first popped in the disc.  At that point in time, I had experienced The Dungeon of Andy Milligan box set, which includes his available New York and England films, but I had not experienced any of Andy’s California excursions.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I quickly learned I had nothing to be nervous about.  WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING (aka THE WEIRDO) touched upon many tried & true Milligan plot devices.  Side characters & subplots that go nowhere. ✅  Tyrannical mother or mother-figure. ✅  Shocking family revelations. ✅  Doomed lovers. ✅  Death by pitchfork to the neck. ✅  Tragically, there is no swirl camera, but no film is perfect. 

Miss Martins has more clothes for Donnie to donate to the local church.

Donnie is a mentally challenged young man who enjoys spending time in the nearby woods searching for discarded treasures.  When he’s not bringing home old Frisbees and other junk, he is endlessly delivering his landlady’s used clothes to a local church and being tortured by three roving redneck bullies.  Miss Martins is a friend of Donnie’s mother and she agreed to let him live in her shed after his mother kicked him out.  She seems like a nice old woman.  On the other hand, the three bullies, Nails, Dean and Vic, are not nice. 

The latest in roving redneck bully fashion.

This perpetual routine is disrupted by Jenny, a sweet, physically challenged young woman.  Donnie meets Jenny in the woods and their connection as outsiders forms a tenuous love between them.  This love seems unnatural to Reverend Cummings at the local church.  He and his wife believe Donnie and Jenny should not be together, mainly because of Donnie’s mental and emotional challenges. 

Hey, Preacher!  Leave them kids alone!

Then to make matters worse, Donnie’s estranged mother, who lives on the outskirts of town, suddenly wants him to come for a visit.  Miss Martins insists he goes and he reluctantly agrees.  Once there, Donnie is humiliated with name-calling and a beating from his drunken mother.  As if that wasn’t enough, Donnie learns he is the product of an incestuous relationship between his mother and her brother.  Oh, and his mother is going to sell Donnie to a work-farm in Mississippi.

 

A boy’s best friend is not always his mother.

Quite understandably, Donnie snaps and the killing commences!  Who does he kill?  How does he kill them, besides a pitchfork?  Will Miss Martins help Donnie or is she holding on to one final secret?  Will Jenny’s innate goodness save Donnie or does he have a plan for after the killings?  This blu-ray may be out of print, but I’ll never tell.  However, if you’re familiar with Milligan or my reviews of his films, you already know the answers. 

Donnie & Jenny forever,

 Steve Burington as Donnie and Jessica Straus as Jenny give WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING a heart and soul despite, or maybe because of the complications in their burgeoning romance.  Naomi Sherwood brings a down home, practical vibe to Miss Martins.  Shawn Player (Nails), Patrick Thomas (Dean) and Dennis Robbins (Vic) are believable as redneck bullies.  Though I wonder if Trey Parker was inspired by this trio when he created the trapper bullies in CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL!  John Miranda, credited as John Rand, and Janet Roberts as the reverend Cummings and his wife are believably hypocritical as leaders of the local church.  Maladjusted Milligan fans, like me, will note Rev. Cummings is none other than Sweeney Todd in BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS!  Last, but certainly not least, Lynne Caryl gives an uncomfortably terrifying performance as Donnie’s abusive mother.  One can’t help but wonder if this is the closest Milligan came to capturing his mother’s hostile spirit on film.

This cover fails to capture the sweetness within the violence.

Speaking of Andy, despite the violence and hate emanating from the story, this second of his California films continues to show a softer side.  He seems to genuinely care about Donnie and Jenny.  Don’t get me wrong though.  His script and direction may not be as frenzied as his earlier work, but WEIRDO is unmistakably Andy Milligan.  It could almost be a sequel to SEEDS (aka Seeds of Sin) if that film had ended a bit differently. 

If I am not mistaken, and I may be, according to THE GHASTLY ONE by Jimmy McDonough, Milligan claimed he filmed a version of WEIRDO back in the 1970’s, but left the only print behind when moving.  Other sources say he had planned to film a version back then as part of a deal during his time in England, but it never was shot.  Either way, that WEIRDO would be a different kind of WEIRDO! 

In conclusion…
WEIRDO is my favorite of Milligan’s California excursions.  Donnie is complicated, relatable and sympathetic.  Yes, even when he’s being a bit of a creepy stalker and a killer.  So, if you have ever felt like an outsider, pour yourself some imaginary orange juice and embrace WEIRDO: THE BEGINNING! 

SIDE NOTE: According to the blu-ray commentary, Milligan was hoping to do a sequel, hence “The Beginning.”  From the description, the follow-up would’ve shared elements of MONSTROSITY, which may explain the mysterious ending of WEIRDO. 

Jenny isn’t going to tell you the ending either.

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Grab a pie and click the pic ⤵️ to devour my review of BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS! 🩸 

She knows what you want!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
My books & blogs… 
http://thejlhcollective.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-collective.html

freakboy on film: SHE MOB (1968)

Screenplay by Diana Paschal / Directed by Maurice Levy & Harry Wuest (according to IMDb) 

Brenda is having a good day.  She is a smart, successful businesswoman.  She has a luxurious home.  She has just been serviced in the bathtub by Tony, her live-in gigolo.  

Brenda pays Tony for the splish-splash

Big Shim is having a good day.  She is a smart, successful criminal.  She is proud to have recently busted a few cohorts out of the slammer.  She has just had a voyeuristic experience with Baby, her girlfriend. 

Big Shim and her cone bra will not be ignored

Tony is having a good day.  He is a handsome, successful sex worker.  He is driving a new car that Brenda bought for him.  He has just been hired on the side to provide service for Big Shim’s three cohorts. 

Sweety East is having a good day.  She is a smart, successful detective.  She is happy with her wildcat roommate.  She has just been hired by Brenda to rescue Tony because the good day has turned bad. 

Sweety East to the rescue

Big Shim has gotten wind of Tony’s lush lifestyle with the rich businesswoman, so she decides to hold him for ransom.  Brenda can’t afford a scandal, so she is willing to pay whatever it takes to get Tony back unharmed.  Sweety East agrees to disguise herself as Brenda for the ransom drop and will name her fee after the job is done.  

That’s the plot of SHE MOB in a nutshell.  I stumbled upon this obscure film while browsing through the Vinegar Syndrome website and I was drawn in for two reasons.  First, the crazy trailer seriously entertained me.  Second, the intriguing description (“Imagine an alt-Earth FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! as realized by a young JOHN WATERS”) may have peaked my interest, so I ordered a copy.  

Comparing SHE MOB to Russ Meyer’s classic and early John Waters isn’t completely inaccurate.  The plot contains similar elements to FASTER, PUSSYCAT KILL! KILL!  There’s a group of strong women out to score some loot.  There’s sexual tension between two of the women.  Plus, there’s plenty of violence, especially as Big Shim and her cohorts torture Tony.  Then there are a few characters that could’ve escaped from a John Waters film.  I can even imagine some Waters regulars stepping into the roles.  Mink Stole would’ve captured the electric energy of Twig, one of the cohorts, as she is constantly dancing in almost every scene.  Mary Vivian Pearce would’ve nailed the sultry boredom emanating from Sweety East as she investigates in her skin tight detective outfit.  Last, but certainly not least, Divine in the dual roles of Brenda and Big Shim would’ve been…well…divine!  Alas, that version only exists in the faraway alt-Earth.

BigShim loves my casting choices

All that being said, SHE MOB never fully captures neither the frantic pulse of Russ Meyer nor the offbeat drum of John Waters.  It is generally entertaining, but drags a bit.  I blame the off-kilter pacing on the director(s), and some of the actors, more than the screenwriter.  The highlight of the entire film is Marni Castle as Brenda and Big Shim.  Especially Big Shim!  This unapologetically tough as nails lesbian, with her equally tough cone bra, is the MAIN reason to see SHE MOB.  Though Monique Duval as Sweety East has her moments, but I might have gotten more out of this character if I had seen the TV series HONEY WEST (1965-1966).

In conclusion…

I have mixed feelings about SHE MOB.  I was initially disappointed to a certain degree but repeat viewings have made me appreciate it more.  So, while not great, SHE MOB is worth watching.  Plus, it is interesting to note that, according to the back of the blu-ray,  the film was shot in Texas and features “actresses culled from Jack Ruby's infamous Dallas nightclub.”  So, SHE MOB is, like, historically and culturally important or something. 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  SHE MOB was the fourth place winner in a Twitter poll I conducted to decide which film I should review now that my blog serial is over.  

So, click the pic ⤵️ to check out the first place winner…

~~~~~~~~~~~

Click the pic ⤵️ to read my blog serial…

freakboy on film: LET MY PUPPETS COME (1976)

 

“No, eBay, I don’t need puppet porn.” 

That’s what I said as I examined the email recommendation.  A large chunk of my Andy Milligan collection came from eBay, so I understood why they would suggest such a film.  I deleted the email and tried to ignore the ping on my filmic radar.  Then a friend snarkily reminded me how there’s a difference between need and want.  

Well, I told myself that I didn’t really want LET MY PUPPETS COME, even as I lost a couple of eBay auctions.  Then on one fateful Saturday morning, I noticed an auction ending around noon.  There wasn’t a single bid, so I placed one for $1 more than the reasonable starting price.  I then shut off my tablet and went about my Saturday, attempting to act like I didn’t care if I won or lost.

“OMG, I won the puppet porn!” 

That’s what I exclaimed, perhaps a tad loudly, as I checked my email while eating lunch with my sister at Runza Restaurant.  I was shocked that nobody had outbid me, despite the same thing happening last year with Andy Milligan’s THE WEIRDO (1989).  Anyhoo, I paid for my surprising win the minute I arrived home and waited for either the puppets or the police, whichever would come first.  Well, the puppets came and I anxiously popped in the disc. 

Jimmy, a dim bulb, comes up with a bright idea 

Things are looking bleak for executives Fred, Ned, Red and their father Gramps at Creative Concepts Systems & Procedures Brothers Unlimited Inc.  Their investment in Big League Bocce has tanked and they owe money to the New York mafia.  What are these puppets to do?  Along comes delivery boy Jimmy to save the day.  He suggests that the brothers produce a skin flick to generate enough revenue to pay off their debts.  Well, it sounds easier than selling heroin, so Fred, Ned, Red, Gramps and Jimmy dive deep into the 1970’s hardcore porn industry.  

Is there anything I can do to make you feel uncomfortable? - Lash 

They receive technical assistance from a couple of film experts.  Lash, who lives for leather-bound discipline, is recruited as cameraman.  Geppetto is called in to add some class to the smut and to literally create the cast.  His son Pinocchio tags along and immediately begins sticking his nose in everybody’s business.  To top it off, a woman of a certain age is there to watch over the filming for a group called Urban Women for Decent Pornography.  Will this porno be decent enough for Urban Women?  Will the rather surprising musical moments be a hit or a miss?  Will the addition of commercial parodies help lengthen the film?  Will the mafia kingpin arrive to break kneecaps and collect his money before Fred, Ned, Red, Gramps and Jimmy can complete shooting their skin flick?  You’ll have to watch to find out. 

Geppetto, a puppet who makes puppets 

Sure, I’ve seen MEET THE FEEBLES (1989) and THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS (2018), but those puppet films did not prepare me for LET MY PUPPETS COME.  I sat through that first viewing in a naughty Muppet Show fever dream daze, with outbursts of startled laughter.  Did they just say…?  Did they just do…?  I wasn’t sure what to think, but I knew I wanted to know more.  So, my second viewing was with the audio commentary on. 

Film historians

Heather Drain and Samm Deighan provide an extremely entertaining and informative discussion of this different kind of puppet film.  I was surprised, in a good way, to hear that writer/director Gerard Damiano was also the mind behind the infamous 1972 crossover hit DEEP THROAT.  There was an amusing shock when they revealed a Disney connection through an actor, playing a very human chauffeur, who would later go on to provide the voice of Jafar in ALADDIN (1992).  They also talked about how LET MY PUPPETS COME was inspired by a an off-broadway stage musical with the terrific title KUMQUATS.  Last, but not least, I found it wonderfully refreshing to hear these two women geek out and celebrate 1970’s hardcore porn.  

Is that a nose on Pinocchio’s face or is he just happy to  be in this film? 

Well, with the newly acquired knowledge, I had to experience LET MY PUPPETS COME again and I found myself seriously enjoying it.  No, not like that.  The crazy-absurd film suddenly made perfect sense and was a total trip and a half!  I’ve watched the entire film a few more times since then and have often skipped around to my favorite scenes when I need some cheer.  One scene in particular involves Pinocchio becoming human and singing an awesome song about the new all-American boy.  It is bizarre, wild, wonderful and probably politically incorrect nowadays.  However, if you’re easily offended, you really shouldn’t be watching puppet porn or even reading this blog. 

Pinocchio contributes to the delinquency of adults through glam rock 

In conclusion… 

Yes, eBay, I did need puppet porn and my filmic life is all the better for it.  So, if you want to experience something hysterically shocking and joyously raunchy, grab some grapes, take a swig of “Lusterine” and prepare yourself for the sights you will never unsee in LET MY PUPPETS COME! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out,

JLH 

P.S.  LET MY PUPPETS COME was the third place winner in a Twitter poll I conducted to decide which film I should review now that my blog serial is over.  

So click the pic ⤵️ for the fourth place winner…

…and click the pic ⤵️ to learn about the second place film… 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Click the pic ⤵️ to read my blog serial…

freakboy on film: THREE IN THE ATTIC (1968)

Unlike many of the crazy films I’ve experienced over the last year, this one did NOT ping onto my radar through my Andy Milligan obsession.  Instead, I must thank the cheesy, far less sexy Vampira/Elvira knock-off named Svengoolie.  I was watching his horror movie show on ME-TV when he got to my favorite part…the cast!  He talks about the various film and television roles the actors are best known for since it’s probably not from the wonderfully schlocky movie he’s showing.

I can’t recall what film Svengoolie was presenting, but he mentioned Judy Pace was in the controversial film THREE IN THE ATTIC.  My interest was peaked by the title and the word controversial, so I grabbed my phone and searched IMDb.  Here is what my phone read to me…. 

“When three coeds discover that the campus Casanova is dating them

all at once, they lock him up in an attic and take turns having sex with

him…to drain the stud of his potency.”

I started laughing, perhaps inappropriately.  Then I asked the world, in a most incredulous tone, “How have I not heard of this film?”  In the days that followed, I watched the trailer and searched streaming sites.  I found it listed on Epix, but instead of subscribing, I decided to look for a physical copy.  There was one very inexpensive DVD on eBay, so I snatched it up without a second thought.  Maybe it was a hunch that THREE IN THE ATTIC would be my bag or perhaps I really do have a filmic problem.  Either way, I took a breath and popped in the disc. 

Paxton Quigley

The IMDb synopsis is basically spot on, but there’s a little more to it.  Big stud on campus Paxton Quigley, who even gets his own theme song*, meets Tobey.  Tobey is an intellectually driven young woman from a nearby women’s college .  This unlikely pair seem to fall in love and their future looks bright.  That is until Tobey’s parents butt in, causing friction between the lovebirds.  

Tobey

Maybe this is why Paxton Quigley is seduced, his words, by another young woman from the same college as Tobey.  Eulice is an artist looking for a good time and a subject to paint, both of which she finds in Paxton Quigley.  He puts the ass in class as he takes Eulice to a cheap motel he frequents so often that he receives a discount. 

Eulice

As if Paxton Quigley wasn’t already a big enough dirty-ho-playa’, he has a collision with some flowers and yet another young woman from  the same college as Tobey and Eulice.  Janet is a new age hippie-chick looking for inner peace while indulging her id.  She nearly doesn’t fall for the so-called charms of Paxton Quigley until he claims to be queer.  It’s 1968, so of course Janet must use her womanly flower power to “save” him. 

Janet

Tobey, Eulice and Janet do not know about each other’s involvement with the same man because Paxton Quigley has a hook-up schedule, which also includes watching Bonanza on his day of rest.  His bed-hopping goes on for a while, but Paxton Quigley eventually seems to want to give up his philandering ways and settle down with Tobey.  Tobey, however, has other plans.

Hell  hath no fury like 3 women scorned!

The three women have figured out what’s been going on, so they do what anyone would do.  Lock the scoundrel in an attic and give him exactly what he wants.  Yes, Tobey, Eulice and Janet take turns having sex with him.  What seems almost like a titillating prank turns dark when Paxton Quigley goes on a hunger strike.  Will Paxton Quigley be the first casualty of the sexual revolution?  What is Tobey, Eulice and Janet’s end game?  You’ll have to watch to find out. 

Yvette Mimieux is intense and complex as Tobey, especially when the attic plan is set into motion.  Judy Pace is fun and fierce as Eulice, especially when she’s being sexually aggressive.  Plus, she gets the best line in the film… “True love just makes me sick.”  Maggie Thrett is trippy and a bit crazy as Janet, especially when she’s in full-tilt new age hippie-chick mode.  Christopher Jones is frustratingly likable as Paxton Quigley, even when he’s being an utter creep.  This is probably because he emanates a chilled James Franco vibe. 

Paxton Quigley dreaming of watching Bonanza.

Director Richard Wilson does a serviceable job.  There are some interesting visuals, especially in a dream sequence.  Though generally the look of the film reminds me of made for television movies from the 1970’s, which is not a complaint.  Low-budget and unpolished holds my attention.  What also held my attention is the story.  Writer Stephen Yafa creates four memorable main characters and an intriguing premise.  The plot slows down a little in the middle, and maybe doesn’t dig quite as deep as it could, but the story has enough controversial situations and dialogue to keep things interesting.  Honestly, it is probably more controversial in 2022 than it was in 1968.

In conclusion, THREE IN THE ATTIC is not for everyone.  I enjoyed it because the story is a step off the beaten path and it’s not to be taken too seriously.  The amusing animated end credits of a couple discussing the film illuminates the satirical edge.  So, if you want something a little different, put some flowers in your hair and experience THREE IN THE ATTIC.

*⚠️WARNING!⚠️ 

Paxton Quigley’s theme song will become your new earworm! 🎵 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out,

JLH 

P.S.  THREE IN THE ATTIC was the second place winner in a Twitter poll I conducted to decide which film I should review now that my blog serial is over.  

So click the pic ⤵️ for the third place winner…

 

…and click the pic ⤵️ to learn about the first place film…

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

Click the pic ⤵️ to read my blog serial…