Happy Life Day…or something

🎵 You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Malla
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Itchy
But do you recall
The most famous Wookiee of all?🎵 

Wait, what? 

Lumpy is neither a reindeer nor the most famous Wookiee!  That honor goes to Lumpy’s father Chewbacca.  Oh, you didn’t know Chewie has a son?  He also has a frazzled wife named Malla and a  cantankerous father named Itchy.  They are anxiously waiting for Chewbacca to stop smuggling and generally galavanting around that far, far away galaxy with Han Solo and come home to celebrate Life Day. 

What is Life Day?  It’s a day to celebrate family and friends, and to hope for galactic peace or something.  All you have to do is throw on a robe, grab a glowing sphere and go into the light like Carol Anne in POLTERGEIST.  Then you’ll find yourself in some rocky, desolate area where Princess Leia Organa warbles a classic Life Day ditty, while Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 look on with varying degrees of interest. 

Before you get to hang with STAR WARS Legacy Characters in Life Day Limbo, you have to pay your dues by spending way too much time with Malla, Itchy and Lumpy.  You will have to sit through a cooking lesson with Malla and a multiple-armed alien Julia Child, played by Harvey Korman.  You’ll have to wonder what the hell is going on when Itchy gets overly excited by a trippy virtual reality song performed by Diahann Carroll.  Then there is Lumpy.  You will be forced to watch Lumpy refuse to do the dishes, take out the trash, try to steal a cookie and generally behave like a bratty prototype of an Ewok.  

Malla wishes she had used Wookiee birth control 

I honestly don’t remember if I watched THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL back in the day, but surely I did.  I mean, I may have been a very little kid, but I was a huge fan.  Maybe I blocked out the experience for the sake of my sanity.  So, my first memorable viewing was in the early 2000’s when I picked up a bootleg VHS copy at a comic book store.  This sketchy copy had all the authentic 1970’s commercials and the “Fighting the Frizzies” news promo.  For worse, or maybe better, the bootleg DVD I ordered from eBay appears to be a somewhat spiffed up print, at least compared to the VHS, that is commercial and frizzy free.  It’s almost what it would be like if George Lucas or Disney+ finally released an official version. 

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL needs to be seen to be believed.  It’s a strange mixture of a made-for-TV movie and a variety show.  Who was the target audience in 1978?  I’m sure my 5-year-old  self would’ve been glued to the television set in a frenzied desire to see more of the characters I saw on the big screen.  I doubt I would’ve cared about Chewbacca’s family, Art Carney as a shopkeeper and Bea Arthur as a bartender at the Cantina.  Though, decades later, Bea Arthur singing a farewell song to drunken aliens is a highlight for me.  

Another highlight is the animated STAR WARS adventure Lumpy covertly watches while Imperial Stormtroopers search their tree house home.  The animation has a funky 70’s look and introduces badass bounty hunter Boba Fett a couple of years before THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.  This alone makes THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL worth watching. 

In conclusion…
Ridiculous, weird and sometimes just plain painful, THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL is a time capsule of 1970’s television and a testament to the impact A NEW HOPE had on pop culture.  The fact they got the original cast, sans Alec Guinness, is truly remarkable and is another reason to watch.  So, if you’re in the mood for a certain kind of Yuletide sci-fi cheese, or you’re a STAR WARS completist, THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL is the festive tradition you didn’t know you needed…and you can find it on YouTube.  It’s honestly better than some of the more recent theatrical films.  

Chewie agrees with my assessment

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Disney+ released THE LEGO STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL in 2020 and it’s a fun, satirical love letter to the original special and the entire STAR WARS universe.  

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Click an episode for more STAR WARS…
Episode I
Episode II 
Episode III 
Episode IV 
Episode V
Episode VI 
Episode VII
Episode VIII 
Episode IX 

freakboy on film: WHO KILLED TEDDY BEAR (1965)

I stumbled upon WHO KILLED TEDDY BEAR during Vinegar Syndrome’s month-long Halloween sale.  The title alone made me want to order a discounted copy.  Then the intriguing synopsis, which made me think of the vintage paperbacks I’ve been reading, sealed the deal.  It also helped the case resembles a tawdry pulp novel and, after watching the film, I realized I was right.  WHO KILLED TEDDY BEAR is definitely cut from the same pulpy cloth.  

Norah Dain is a hostess at a discotheque in New York City.  Life is good for this metropolitan single woman, except for the obscene phone calls.  Someone is watching her and she is becoming understandably paranoid.  Is it her soft-spoken coworker Lawrence Sherman?  Is it Carlo, the allegedly verbally inpaired discotheque security guard?  Is it Lt. Dave Madden, who seems a little too obsessed with obscene callers and other degenerates he investigates?  

SPOILER ALERT (sort of)
It’s coworker Lawrence, as played by Sal Mineo, but more about him later.   

Screenplay writers Leon Tokatyan and Arnold Drake keep the story of obsession seedy, grimey and riveting.  Director Joseph Cates, father of Phoebe, includes a lot of interesting visuals, especially of 1960’s New York City, and draws out some good performances from the cast.

Juliet Prowse as Norah, the recipient of the obscene calls, is a mixture of strength and vulnerability.  Jan Murray as Lt. Dave Madden, the obsessive police detective, is a mixture of protector of innocence and an unbalanced potential creep.  Elaine Stritch as Marian Freeman, Norah’s boss at the discotheque, is a mixture of no-nonsense authority and a woman with needs.  Daniel J. Travanti as Carlo, the discotheque bouncer, doesn’t have much to say but is a mixture of renegade tough guy and a man with fierce loyalty. 

Then there is Sal Mineo.

He is mesmerizing as Lawrence, the seemingly shy discotheque employee/obscene phone caller.  Between the writing and Mineo’s performance, the character is a mixture of an unhinged, troubled young man dangerously obsessing over his coworker and a sweet, sensitive young man taking care of his intellectually disabled sister.  Sal Mineo creates a complex, complicated character.  You won’t be able to take your eyes off him, especially since he is half-naked half the time. 

Unlike most exploitation films from the 1960’s, or any era really, the female figure is NOT the focus in WHO KILLED TEDDY BEAR.  Instead, the camera can’t get enough of Sal Mineo in various states of undress.  When he’s not working at the discotheque or taking his sister to the zoo, Lawrence is working out in skimpy shorts, swimming in tight trunks or lounging around in tighty-whities, sensually caressing his thigh or stomach as he makes obscene calls to Norah.  This gender exploitation role reversal adds to the unexpected vibe of this memorable film. 

In conclusion…
I was immediately drawn into the lurid peek at the dark underbelly of the people you only think you know.  The black & white cinematography adds to the gritty, film noir-adjacent atmosphere simmering beneath the celluloid surface.  So, if you’re in the mood to slip into something emotionally uncomfortable, and you want to start giving your coworkers a sideways glance, WHO KILLED TEDDY BEAR may be the psychosexual low-key thriller for you! 

Oh, as for who killed Teddy Bear…you’ll have to watch to find out! 🐻 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. I better add the hauntingly beautiful song. 

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You may find something tawdry in my words…

Whasome’s Dreck (OFFICIAL SHAMELESS BOOK PLUG TRAILER)

RETURN 

TO

GAPESIDE!

📘

Whasome’s Dreck 

is a short parody of Dawson’s Creak…

Written in 

blood

🩸

and set on 

fire 

🔥

📘

Available from…

&

Even New England cool cats dig Whasome’s Dreck! 

😼

Photo courtesy of Fred’s Book Boutique

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Click for more shameless book plugs… 

 ⤵️ 

I sold my soul for Doctor Who, but ended up on a Freaky Muppet Jonas trip instead!

Fine! 

I did it! 

I was weak and backsliding, like Carrie’s fanatical mom, and subscribed to Disney+ so my sister and I could finally catch up on Doctor Who!  

Have we been watching Doctor Who though? 

Nope.

We immediately started watching The Muppet Show (1976-1981).  It may even be funnier and more outrageous than we remembered, and it also proves Disney doesn’t have a clue what to do with these wonderfully sardonic, violent, sexual and irreverent characters in the 21st Century!  My only concern is being triggered with nightmarish childhood flashbacks when we get to the episode horrifyingly featured in An American Werewolf in London (1981)! 

Next we were going to watch Bride Hard (2025) because it stars Rebel Wilson.  Ugh, it was so painfully unfunny that we gave up after 10 or 15 minutes.  Instead, we watched Freaky Friday (1976), the one with Jodie Foster, who is always worth watching, and we still enjoyed this classic.  Sure, allegedly savvy, modern audiences might find the original dated now, but you just can’t beat the absolute charm of the opening credits!  I learned from Gill at Realweegiemidget
Reviews that “I’d Like to Be You for a Day” is sung by stars Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster! 

Then, I guess to prove my sister and I are not stuck in the past, we started watching and actually finished A Very Jonas Brothers Christmas Movie (2025).  For the sake of this post, and to take away any boy band blackmail power from Dave of My Gay Opinion, I confess that, for a very brief moment in time, I listened to the Jonas Brothers and may even still have one of their CDs.  So, of course we had to watch their Christmas movie.  The plot is completely ridiculous, but some terrifically funny guest stars, such as Will Ferrell, Laverne Cox, Andrea Martin, Billie Lourd and Randall Park kept us entertained.  However, I kept thinking the movie needed less singing and more of whatever this is…

What happens on the Jonas plane, stays on the Jonas plane!

In conclusion…
Maybe for such a fun, trippy Disney+ experience, my soul was worth the price of admission…so far!

 
Now on to Doctor Who and more of The Muppet Show!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  A Pennsylvania reader’s feline companion is eager to check out my Dawson’s Creek parody! 

📘