heart mind a go-go

It's a lie.
When he claims and swears and declares his heart is dead.  Decimated.  Dust on the breeze of his allegedly evaporating soul.
He knows it's a lie.
Not some mistake or misunderstanding.  It continues to beat.  Pulsating hard, longing to match rhythm with another damaged heart.
That is not a lie.
His heart has been damaged.  Tread on with thoughtless words and contradictory actions, but he is not innocent.  He never fully gave himself to another.
He wishes this was a lie.
Always holding a piece of his heart-soul back.  Buried deep within him.  Unable.  Unwilling to completely trust his own emotions or those of another.
This is why he lies.
He doesn't see the point.  He knows he has nothing to offer another.  Nothing to contribute to a joint endeavor.  Better to be alone.  No damage done to anyone when it is realized he is the pathetic loser he has always known himself to be.  Professional nothing.  Slipped through the cracks long ago, making him meaningless in the now.  Staring empty out the window of tomorrow, patiently waiting for life to be done with him.  Waiting for the void to reclaim its lost one, who should never have been allowed to escape in the first place.
This is his truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FREAK OUT,
JLH

Atrociously Sporadic (or you write you want a resolution...)

Near the end of 2005, I realized how atrociously sporadic my reading habits had become.  I would read a book or two, but then months would pass before I read another.  Not sure why this was, but I hated it.  I love reading, so I made my first ever New Year's resolution.  I would read one book a month in 2006, no more, no less.  

My thought was that I needed structure to resuscitate my reading habits.  If I overdid it, I would burn out or make excuses.  Oh, I read two books this month, so I'll skip next month.  That would've eventually destroyed my progress, sending me back to sporadic reading and the guilt over it.

Thankfully, I held fast to my resolution, and now, I read continuously. Rarely a day goes by between books, unless I need to emotionally decompress or seriously contemplate what I just read.  Yes, I read only one book at a time, and I often take my time with each one.  I find I enjoy and retain more of the book this way.  Plus, I feel the author has my undivided attention as he or she weaves me into the fabric of the story.

Now, in the year 2015, I find my writing to be atrociously sporadic.  I haven't blogged much lately, which I hate.  So, I'm making a non-New Year's resolution.  I will publish at least one blogpost a week from now on. Fiction.  Non-fiction.  So-called poetry things.  Inane ramblings. Whatever. The posts don't have to be long, just so long as I see each one through.

So, hold onto your unmentionables because this might be a bumpy ride!  

Thank you for your time and patience.

FREAK OUT,

JLH

P.S.  I know this writing resolution isn't as structured as my reading resolution, but I believe it will personally help me in the long run, or it won't.  Only time and my determination can say for certain.  

And now for a commercial break… (or DARK EXCURSIONS: The Trailer)

DARK EXCURSIONS is a twisted tale of emotionally damaged people caught in a quagmire of secrets and lies that test the tenuous bonds of family, friendship, and love. 

 

 

 

 Available from Createspace and Amazon:

Createspace: https://www.createspace.com/4649732

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1495409945

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1495409945

Amazon CA: http://www.amazon.ca/dp/1495409945

Amazon ES: http://www.amazon.es/dp/1495409945

Amazon FR: http://www.amazon.fr/dp/1495409945

Amazon DE: http://www.amazon.de/dp/1495409945

Amazon JP: http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/1495409945

Amazon IN: http://www.amazon.in/dp/1495409945

Amazon IT: http://www.amazon.it/dp/1495409945 

Amazon MX: http://www.amazon.com.mx/dp/1495409945

Amazon CN: http://www.amazon.cn/dp/1495409945


Amazon RU: http://russia-amazon.ru/amazon_us/item/1495409945 

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To read sample chapters and excerpts, or for further info on DARK EXCURSIONS, please click away...

first set

second set

third set

fourth set

complete set

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freak Out,

JLH

P.S. Also available...

http://freakboyzone.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-oldnew-project-or-darkening.html

color mind distortion

In this world of blue

Do you know me true

Sitting between destruction and bliss

Seal your lie with my kiss

In this world of red

Do you know the dead

Alone resting in the ground

Dying to hear your whispering sound

In this world of black

Do you know there’s no way back

Lost in this nightmare land

Blindly reaching for anyone’s offered hand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JLH – August 6^th, 2010

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The preceding was another short subject/poem-thing in the notebook from my past…
http://freakboyzone.blogspot.com/2015/06/fin.html

Freak Out,

JLH

~fin~

And now I see

Picture crystalized
Transmission static free
This is the end of what used to be


Was it all just a fever dream
A made-up waste of time
Brilliance turned void
Where memories go to die

~~~~~~~~~~~~

JLH - June 8^th, 2010
~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The preceding short subject/poem-thing was discovered in an old notebook of mine, predating my online life by a few years.  There may be further old, nearly forgotten words from its pages for future posts.  Only time and my temperament will tell…

Freak Out,
JLH

The notebook from my past
 

Writer of future past…

On Saturday the 13^th of June, I was having a Twitter conversation with a knowledgeable man about typewriters.  I haven’t used a typewriter in, well, a long, long time.  After our conversation, I dug out a typewriter that I have a sordid history with and plugged it in to see if it still functioned.  Surprisingly, it did! 

This inspired me to write the following short subject with the contraption of my youth…and a second short subject with my current contraption.

 

While the typewriter is not mine, I can certainly claim a piece of its history, as it can claim mine.  It is on this electric machine that I wrote my infamous (and sadly) lost mess-terpiece, with the awful title…The Tide Thus Falls.  The humming electricity vibrated through my entire body, as my fingers pounded out late-night words, telling a tale of lust, sex, violence, unspeakable torture and misguided love.  All written at 14 or 15, because I was a freakboy before my muse dubbed me so. 

Freak Out,
JLH

P.S.

 

Sweet Innocent Darkness (or the proof of my suspicions is in the breakfast)

My sister and I were devouring a sizable, delicious breakfast at a local eating establishment when the proof of my suspicions walked up to us and announced, "I need to talk to the two of you."  Such a statement, even when spoken somewhat kindly, puts my defenses up, so I was prepared for the worst, as was my sister.

 

"I heard you wrote a book," the proof of my suspicions stated with an acceptable amount of surprise.  Considering past encounters where someone is all initially nice, but quickly transforms into a not-very-nice-word, this statement put me even more on edge-of-disaster preparedness than usual.

 

"Yes," I responded tersely and directly, allowing the proof of my suspicions to take the lead.

 

"Is it historical?"

 

"No."

 

"Is it a romance?"

 

"Mm..." I wavered because there is a romantic element, "...it is more of a soap opera, sort of.  It is a dark and twisted tale."

 

"Oh," the proof of my suspicions declared.  "It is probably not something I'll want to read."

 

"Probably not."  I couldn't argue with blazing truth, especially with what was illuminated next.

 

"I like to read books where the girl gets the boy or the boy gets the girl in the end, and everyone is happy."

 

"Well, that is not what my book is."  Then I added, as evidence, "It is titled Dark Excursions."

 

The proof of my suspicions confessed to knowing this, and then talked about various other things before departing with, "Good luck with your book."

 

Once the proof of my suspicions had left the building, I faced my sister and exclaimed, "There is the proof of my suspicions!"  I then felt obligated to reiterate my suspicions, as if my sister hadn't heard enough about them already.  

 

"Even before the day I saw Dark Excursions displayed on the library shelf, I suspected that some people in town, who remember a shy, soft-spoken, and generally well-mannered boy, would make the erroneous assumption that this adult freakboy would write a sweet story full of innocent characters who do nothing wicked and live happily ever after.  I also suspected that some people would expect my book to fall under one or more of the following genres...historical fiction, historical non-fiction, western, traditional romance, inspirational fiction and/or inspirational poetry...because 9 times out of 10, if a local writer within a 100 mile radius publishes a book, it often belongs within those categories.  There is nothing wrong with those genres, it's just Dark Excursions isn't one of them."

 

My sister completely agreed and we finished our sizable, delicious breakfast.  I felt full from the food and full of a weird pride from finding proof of my suspicions.

 

Freak Out, 

JLH

P.S.  For more info on my not-so-sweet and far-from-innocent darkness, please click on WHIPPING OIL.