freakboy on film: CARNAGE (1984)

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This post is part of The Seventh So Bad It's Good Blogathon, hosted by Rebecca of Taking Up Room from February 21-23, 2025. 

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This haunted house flick starts with a bang!  Two in fact!  A seemingly happy couple, dressed in their wedding attire, are dancing to an old record of the Wedding March.  In a romantic moment, the husband reaches for a gun and murders his wife before taking his own life.  

Home Sweet murder home.

Flash forward to three years later.  

Is that a ghost in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Carol and Johnathan Henderson have just bought the murder house, which shares a resemblance to Norman Bates’ home sweet home, and they couldn’t be happier.  Well, that is until strange occurrences begin to occur.  Tea cups left on the counter are suddenly in the sink.  Notepads and candlesticks move on their own.  A dead telephone rings and the record player turns on, playing the Wedding March.  Then there is the night Carol and Johnathan are nearly gassed to death when their stove is switched on.  Oh, and a maid they hired is tormented with cobwebs or ectoplasm or maybe Silly String by the ghostly bride, who then forces the poor woman to slit her own throat.  So, of course, this is the perfect time to throw a housewarming party!  

Toasting the death of fashion.

The guest list includes two couples.  There is Tony and Margaret, who we don’t learn too much about.  Thankfully, there is also Ann and Walter, who we get to know through a couple of terrific scenes with Ann’s enjoyably bitchy mother.  (“Oh god, I’m too young to be a mother.  Now I’m going to be a grandmother!  What ever will I tell my boyfriend?”)  These scenes reveal that Ann is pregnant and plans to surprise Walter with the news at the housewarming party.  However, the surprise is on everyone when Margaret is injured at the party and has to be taken to the hospital and then Walter dies when a radio supernaturally makes a splash in his bath. 

Just say no to housewarming parties!

After the party and Walter‘s funeral, Johnathan goes back to work and Carol digs into the history of the house.  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, anyone who drops by or breaks into the house is quickly dispatched by the ghostly bride and dragged off to wherever ghosts store bodies.  What are Carol and Johnathan going to do?  Call in a priest?  Leave the haunted house?  Sit down for a chat with the ghostly bride?  They choose all three options and it all leads to an ending that still doesn’t quite make sense to me, even after multiple viewings. 

The ghostly bride won’t tell, but I will!

SPOILER ALERT!
The priest dies, which finally convinces Johnathan and Carol to get the hell out of there!  While Johnathan is loading the car, Carol starts chatting with the ghostly bride.  Carol says she doesn’t want to leave and the ghostly bride tells her she and Johnathan can stay if they don’t renovate the house.  However, when Johnathan enters, he finds Carol with a crazed look in her eyes, holding hands with both the ghostly bride and the ghostly groom.  Cut to the ghosts joyously watching Johnathan and Carol reenacting their murder-suicide and then cut to a For Sale sign outside of the now presumably double haunted house. 

Just another Milligan happy ending!

CARNAGE was written and directed by Andy Milligan and it’s neither his best (NIGHTBIRDS) nor his worst (SURGIKILL).  Deep down I know CARNAGE is a bad film.  The direction is lackadaisical, along with the pacing.  The writing is generally generic and sometimes confusing, but the scenes with Ann and her enjoyably bitchy mother are sharp and funny.  
(Ann: “I can’t even get any love from my own mother.”
Mother: “You got plenty of that nasty stuff when you were in pigtails.”) 

A mother‘s work is never done.

In Milligan’s defense, CARNAGE was his last East Coast film and it was produced by Lew Mishkin, the son of the legendary grindhouse producer William Mishkin.  Lew and Andy did not get along, so Andy might not have put his full manic energy into it.  The actors in CARNAGE lack the frantic vibe of some of his past performers, which adds to the lack of urgency in the story.  Chris Baker as Ann and Che Moody as Ann’s enjoyably bitchy mother (“Oh god, I feel uncomfortable.”) easily give the best performances but cant quite touch the brilliance of former Milligan staples, such as Neil Flanagan and Hope Stansbury.

However, despite or maybe because of the deficiencies, I enjoy CARNAGE.  The squeaky sound effects whenever an object moves is endearingly goofy.  There is unintentional humor in the maid’s less than scared reaction as the ghost bride torments her.  Some of the ultra-low budget gore effects are surprisingly somewhat effective.  Plus, we are treated to the Milligan staple of a pitchfork to the neck!  Oh, and obviously there is also Ann and her enjoyably bitchy mother, who may not be as crazy abusive as other Milligan mommies, but their often less than loving interaction brings a much needed bit of edge to the film.  
(Ann: “Oh, mother…” 
Mother: “Stop that right now!  The last thing I want is to play mother to a crying brat.”) 

“Now shut up and drink your breakfast!”

In conclusion…
CARNAGE is the least “Andy Milligan” Milligan film.  Even my sister said it felt different than his other films I’ve subjected her to.  Still, I always find myself enjoying the nonsense when I pop in the disc from THE DUNGEON OF ANDY MILLIGAN box set.  So, if you’re in a low-budget ghostly mood, pour yourself a cup of tea and call a priest because CARNAGE may be the so bad it’s good haunted house flick for you! 

May the filmic gods have mercy on your soul!

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. Speaking of ghostly moods, click the pic ⤵️ for a post where I stalk the ghost of Andy Milligan… 

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Drive through the seemingly tranquil streets of Sturgeons, but just know the secluded summit of Stickler Hill is waiting for you! 
🏡