freakboy on film: MEAN GIRLS (2024)

It’s been a long January with sub-zero arctic temps and a less than stellar paid STURGEONS book promo.  I obviously needed to get out of the house and out of my mind for a bit.  The cinema has always been my home away from home, so I grabbed my mad scientist glasses and walked to my town’s 3-screen theater.  I could’ve checked out THE BOYS IN THE BOAT, but I knew it wasn’t a sequel to THE BOYS IN THE BAND.  THE BEEKEEPER was also playing, but despite the look of the poster, I knew it wasn’t a spin-off of the CANDYMAN franchise.  There was only one film left and I was one of 5 people who caught the Sunday musical matinee of MEAN GIRLS. 

freakboy confessions…
The only things I remember about the original, non-musical 2004 film of the same name is it starred Lindsay Lohan and I thought it felt like a watered-down version of HEATHERS.  That being said, the only thing I knew about the new version was that it’s a musical based on a stage musical, which I heard about at exactly the same moment I heard about the new film.  Whatever, don’t look at me that way!  You know as well as I do that unless they turn John Waters’ DESPERATE LIVING or Andy Milligan’s FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET into gleefully inappropriate musical extravaganzas, I really don’t give a flying fluffernutter what happens on Broadway!  

Anyhoo, I assume the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS follows the basic plot of the original.  New girl at school befriends social outcasts but also draws the interest of the popular clique.  Social outcasts convince new girl to infiltrate the popular clique for revenge purposes.  New girl falls for the ex-boyfriend of the popular clique’s leader, culminating in magnificent musical mayhem! 

Yes!  It’s true!  I seriously enjoyed this version of MEAN GIRLS!  I laughed out loud!  I tapped my feet to the beat and may have engaged in some neck-dancing!  In my opinion, the main source of my enjoyment was the energy this film radiated!  I mean, I fully expected glittery confetti to explode from the screen during the deliciously manic “Revenge Party” scene!  

This emotionally charged teen-angst energy is why I am down on my knees (shut up!) and begging stage play scribe/screenwriter Tina Fey to give CARRIE: THE MUSICAL a fresh coat of verbal paint and get directors Samantha Jayne & Arturo Perez Jr. to helm a cinematic disco bloodbath spectacle of this alleged Broadway misfire!  I get thrill-chills just imagining what this terrific trifecta of a team could do with “The World According to Chris” and the title song!  They could inject a MEAN GIRLS energy into CARRIE and probably get me thrown out of the theater when I would start emphatically singing along while having a filmgasm! 

In climax…I mean, conclusion… 
The new musical film version of MEAN GIRLS is just what no hot doctor ordered, but definitely what I needed to momentarily escape my possibly imagined frozen wasteland of mediocre obscurity.  Oh, and I know some haters will totally hate me for this, but much like the 2020 musical version of VALLEY GIRL, the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS surpasses and improves on its source material.  Deal with it! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, exclamation mark heavy words! 

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  freakboy confession…
I have listened to the soundtrack to the stage musical of HEATHERS and it was like I had a brain tumor for breakfast.  Even the RIVERDALE episode couldn’t rescue that travesty of teen-angst tuneful torture! 👎
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Speaking of torture, my books are available from an Amazon near you…

The Emptiness (a short story, of sorts)

Feeling as cold as the dark, icy landscape, the bundled figure trudges alone.  How long has it been since the last encounter with another?  Too long ago and for too brief of time.  Death in this frigid atmosphere is inevitable. 

The ending began with a dimming of their star.  Theories turned to conversations.  Conversations turned to disagreements.  Disagreements turned to arguments.  Arguments turned to war.  War over their perceived differences illuminated by the dimming. 

The bundled figure comes to a halt amidst the frozen desolation with final, futile understanding.  All of the warfare is what collapsed their civilization.  Their dying star only decimated the remnants of their planet, which now drifts lifelessly through the immeasurable void.
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2024, John L. Harmon 

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SIDE NOTE: 
In a moment of freaky fate or creative coincidence, I stumbled upon a piece of new music, right after I finished writing the above short story, and I feel it would make the perfect soundtrack. 

Click the pic ⤵️ to listen to “Emptiness in Static” from the minds of Blue Sun Chasing x Armageddon Speaking…

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Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Oh, and Happy New Year or something. 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  click the pic ⤵️ for a different story about a different planet…

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Something to read in 2024… 
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https://mybook.to/Sturgeons