'Twas the fright before Christmas
And all through the crypt
Not a creature was stirring
'Cept those being whipped
('Twas the Fright Before Christmas)
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| 1994
(The Right Stuff Records}
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For someone who doesn't really celebrate Christmas in a traditional way, I seem to have lots of Christmas traditions involving films, television and music. Being a fan of E.C. Comics (even though I can no longer read them), who also enjoys potentially offensive festive offerings, this Christmas album was destined to be in my life.
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The Crypt-Keeper
a self-promoting cadaverous whore after my own decaying heart.
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TALES FROM THE CRYPT was a notorious 1950's horror comic book that would, several decades later, be turned into an HBO anthology television series. The Crypt-Keeper, literally a decaying corpse, would bookend each episode with morbid puns and ghoulish fun. In hindsight, it's no stretch of the imagination that a sly, clever, gruesome Christmas album would happen.
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Lizzie Borden lost her folks
Gave'em 40 whacks
She wants a brand new mom and pop
And, of course, an axe
(Christmas Rap)
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HAVE YOURSELF A SCARY LITTLE CHRISTMAS finds The Crypt-Keeper singing festive, ghoul-tide ditties to lift your holiday spirits from the dead. That old bag of bones charms us with songs about decorating with body parts, poisoning his family, a horror-filled wish list and a New Year's Eve party for the recently and long-ago deceased, to name a few cheerful tuneful topics. It's a heartwarming album for the entire Manson family and yours, if you're not part of the P.C. Police.
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Stockings stuffed with ears and fingers
Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la
Chopped from all those caroling singers
Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la
(Deck the Halls with Parts of Charlie)
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This album is not for overly sensitive 21st Century ears. Consider this your five-alarm trigger-happy warning. With a few Santa fat jokes and one sly cross-dressing jab at J. Edgar Hoover, there is plenty of material for internet bots to be outraged over. I could get on my soapbox in the town square to rant about how the human race is censoring itself into oblivion, but it's cold outside.
Anyhoo, before I bury my blog six feet under....Have a Merry Cryptmas and Horrific New Year!
The champagne flows
And bubbles pop
Capote hugs Babe Ruth
While Lincoln does the bunny hop
With actor John Wilkes Booth
(Should Old Cadavers Be Forgot)
Thank you for reading or listening to my potentially offensive half-blind words.
Freak Out,
JLH
P.S. Ho Ho Ho...
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DARK EXCURSIONS
(a modern take on gothic romance)
The perfect gift for the soap nut in your life! 🎁😉
