Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Woke up feeling hollow because I've been allowing the naysayers to get to me.   Eating away my interior with implications of failure through personal questions about the non-creative aspect of my e-book serial.

There have been near strangers who initially seem nice and interested, but quickly turn into nosy jerks just trying to dig up some new gossip to spread around the equally small-minded.  Then there was an old elementary teacher a few weeks ago.  Oh, she seemed pleased to see me, asking me how I've been, etc., but when she uncovered the fact my e-books are nowhere near bestselling gold, she acted as if I might infect her with some sort of disease.  I quickly realized she didn't give a crap about me.  She was merely hoping to find a former pupil to brag about to her teaching peers, and I disappointed her with my unmitigated failure.

Maybe if these kinds of incidents only happened occasionally I could handle them better, but over the last several months it has grown into a common occurrence.  So much so that I am beginning to dread when someone who isn't in my immediate circle approaches me.  If they begin asking questions, no matter how nicely, I shut down faster than an e-coli infected restaurant.

As for my e-book serial, I almost hate talking about it in real life.  Eight readers started, but only two were brave enough to finish.  Don't mistake my words as ingratitude, but it is difficult to watch helpless as readers fall away and characters I have literally shed blood, sweat and tears over languish in near obscurity.

I've considered ways in which to reach new readers over the last year, but I am starting to believe the naysayers.  Checking numbers at the beginning of every month only adds credence to their negative conclusion of me.  It makes me contemplate unpublishing my e-book serial and letting it fade into distant memory without a print edition as a constant physical reminder.  Contrary to what I recently tweeted, I would not put Dark Excursions on my blog because that would be a slap in the face to the two readers who paid to finish reading it.

I don't know.  Maybe now that I have removed some of this emotional torment from my fractured mind, I will wake up tomorrow feeling less hollow and brimming with a fresh perspective.  At least until the next naysayer attempts to drill into me once again with his or her vicious ways disguised as caring and concern.

Be well & Freak Out,

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