I sold my soul for Doctor Who, but ended up on a Freaky Muppet Jonas trip instead!

Fine! 

I did it! 

I was weak and backsliding, like Carrie’s fanatical mom, and subscribed to Disney+ so my sister and I could finally catch up on Doctor Who!  

Have we been watching Doctor Who though? 

Nope.

We immediately started watching The Muppet Show (1976-1981).  It may even be funnier and more outrageous than we remembered, and it also proves Disney doesn’t have a clue what to do with these wonderfully sardonic, violent, sexual and irreverent characters in the 21st Century!  My only concern is being triggered with nightmarish childhood flashbacks when we get to the episode horrifyingly featured in An American Werewolf in London (1981)! 

Next we were going to watch Bride Hard (2025) because it stars Rebel Wilson.  Ugh, it was so painfully unfunny that we gave up after 10 or 15 minutes.  Instead, we watched Freaky Friday (1976), the one with Jodie Foster, who is always worth watching, and we still enjoyed this classic.  Sure, allegedly savvy, modern audiences might find the original dated now, but you just can’t beat the absolute charm of the opening credits!  I learned from Gill at Realweegiemidget
Reviews that “I’d Like to Be You for a Day” is sung by stars Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster! 

Then, I guess to prove my sister and I are not stuck in the past, we started watching and actually finished A Very Jonas Brothers Christmas Movie (2025).  For the sake of this post, and to take away any boy band blackmail power from Dave of My Gay Opinion, I confess that, for a very brief moment in time, I listened to the Jonas Brothers and may even still have one of their CDs.  So, of course we had to watch their Christmas movie.  The plot is completely ridiculous, but some terrifically funny guest stars, such as Will Ferrell, Laverne Cox, Andrea Martin, Billie Lourd and Randall Park kept us entertained.  However, I kept thinking the movie needed less singing and more of whatever this is…

What happens on the Jonas plane, stays on the Jonas plane!

In conclusion…
Maybe for such a fun, trippy Disney+ experience, my soul was worth the price of admission…so far!

 
Now on to Doctor Who and more of The Muppet Show!  

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  A Pennsylvania reader’s feline companion is eager to check out my Dawson’s Creek parody! 

📘 

freakboy on film: TITANIC (1997)

I have seen TITANIC five times in the theater. 

Sorry. 
I should’ve told you to sit down and swallow whatever you’re eating or drinking, but it’s true.  I saw it three times during its initial release.  Once with a co-worker, once on a date and once with my sister.  Then I saw it with a cousin at a second-run theater, it was only a dollar admission for that one.  Lastly, my sister and I experienced the 2012 3-D re-release.  Tragically, that ticket stub is lost to history.. 

In other words, this Andy Milligan obsessed, Ed Wood watching, John Waters fanboy loves TITANIC!  Why?  Maybe it’s the characters.  Maybe it’s the historic aspect.  Maybe it’s the grandiose spectacle of the whole thing.  Maybe it’s even the romance.  Wait!  What?  Did I just type that?!?!  I did, but only after a recent Sunday afternoon viewing with my sister. 

You surely know the plot.  Upper class Rose (a glowing Kate Winslet) is engaged to the incredibly wealthy and hot Cal (an always memorable Billy Zane) but is unhappy, for good reason.  Rose feels the suffocating walls closing in because her controlling fiancé, her hoity-toity mother (a cold stone Frances Fisher) and 1912 society in general demands her to know her limited place.  Things are about to turn fatalistic until Rose encounters starving artist Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio at his most natural) in a meet-cute suicide attempt.  Now Rose and Jack must love like there’s no tomorrow because they’re passengers on the RMS Titanic!  

Several years had gone by since my sister and I last experienced TITANIC, so this recent viewing felt fresh.  We both agree the 3 hours and 14 minutes zip by because the plot plunges viewers into another time and place and doesn’t let go until the end credits roll under Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On.  Composer James Horner assists in this transportation with a hauntingly beautiful score which often evokes an ethereal quality.  It also helps the cast is rounded out by familiar talented faces such as Kathy Bates (feisty as the unsinkable Molly Brown), Gloria Stuart (delightful as old Rose), David Warner (imposing as Cal’s henchman), Victor Garber (calming as ship designer Mr. Andrews) and Bernard Fox (amusing as Col. Archibald Gracie).  I only mention the latter because i knew I knew the actor during my very first two theatrical viewings of TITANIC, but couldn’t place him.  Not knowing was driving me crazy and this was before I could just pop onto IMDb, so I’m sure I made an audible gasp of knowledge when my sister leaned over during my third theatrical viewing and whispered the bewitching words, “Dr. Bombay.”  (IYKYK) 

As for the romance between Rose and Jack, I used to believe this was a tolerable secondary plot to the main event of man made hubris resulting in human tragedy.  Now I feel differently since seeing TITANIC with older and allegedly wiser half-blind eyes.  I believe, and my sister agrees, that the romance was ahead of its time.  First, their romance isn’t one-sided.  They both seem to be learning from each other on an emotional level.  Second, after Cal has Jack arrested for a false crime, it’s Rose who risks her life to save him from the unstoppable flooding below deck.  Rarely has a reversal of the damsel in distress trope been so refreshingly done in such an unobvious way.  Rose’s inner strength surfaces naturally through character development as she dislodges herself from the shackles of societal oppression.  Lastly, in the afterglow of Rose and Jack consummating their love in the back of a fancy-shmancy vehicle in the cargo hold, Jack is the one shivering with emotion.  Then, in a most singular cinematic event, Rose wraps her arms around Jack, providing him with comfort and security.  A big deal is never made of this reversal of traditional emotional gender roles within the film.  The moment just simply happens and it makes sense with the characters. 

I suppose before I conclude this post, I should say a little something about writer/director James Cameron.  I wouldn’t call myself a fan.  I mean, I enjoy THE TERMINATOR, ALIENS and THE ABYSS, but I think TERMINATOR 2 is a bloated mess and I don’t give a crap about AVATAR.  Yet, I must give James Cameron’s swollen ego props for TITANIC.  He created a piece of cinematic art that moves like a juggernaut, explores a wide range of emotions and transports the viewer into a fully realized moment in time.  Oh, and I’m relieved he didn’t go with the extremely painful alternate ending.  Seriously,  don’t seek it out! 

In conclusion…
I unapologetically love TITANIC!  This filmic microcosm of the best and worst of humanity is a beautifully crafted motion picture that is best experienced on the silver screen.  Perhaps there will be a theatrical re-release for its 30th anniversary in 2027, but until then, grab a life-vest and board TITANIC on whatever screen is available! 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I wrote this post under the influence of the soundtrack albums… 💿 

Freak Out, 

JLH

P.S.  Are you shocked by my love of TITANIC?   
Click the pic ⤵️ for another startling freakboy confession… 😱

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In case you need more romance in your life… 

freakboy on film: MEAN GIRLS (2024)

It’s been a long January with sub-zero arctic temps and a less than stellar paid STURGEONS book promo.  I obviously needed to get out of the house and out of my mind for a bit.  The cinema has always been my home away from home, so I grabbed my mad scientist glasses and walked to my town’s 3-screen theater.  I could’ve checked out THE BOYS IN THE BOAT, but I knew it wasn’t a sequel to THE BOYS IN THE BAND.  THE BEEKEEPER was also playing, but despite the look of the poster, I knew it wasn’t a spin-off of the CANDYMAN franchise.  There was only one film left and I was one of 5 people who caught the Sunday musical matinee of MEAN GIRLS. 

freakboy confessions…
The only things I remember about the original, non-musical 2004 film of the same name is it starred Lindsay Lohan and I thought it felt like a watered-down version of HEATHERS.  That being said, the only thing I knew about the new version was that it’s a musical based on a stage musical, which I heard about at exactly the same moment I heard about the new film.  Whatever, don’t look at me that way!  You know as well as I do that unless they turn John Waters’ DESPERATE LIVING or Andy Milligan’s FLESHPOT ON 42ND STREET into gleefully inappropriate musical extravaganzas, I really don’t give a flying fluffernutter what happens on Broadway!  

Anyhoo, I assume the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS follows the basic plot of the original.  New girl at school befriends social outcasts but also draws the interest of the popular clique.  Social outcasts convince new girl to infiltrate the popular clique for revenge purposes.  New girl falls for the ex-boyfriend of the popular clique’s leader, culminating in magnificent musical mayhem! 

Yes!  It’s true!  I seriously enjoyed this version of MEAN GIRLS!  I laughed out loud!  I tapped my feet to the beat and may have engaged in some neck-dancing!  In my opinion, the main source of my enjoyment was the energy this film radiated!  I mean, I fully expected glittery confetti to explode from the screen during the deliciously manic “Revenge Party” scene!  

This emotionally charged teen-angst energy is why I am down on my knees (shut up!) and begging stage play scribe/screenwriter Tina Fey to give CARRIE: THE MUSICAL a fresh coat of verbal paint and get directors Samantha Jayne & Arturo Perez Jr. to helm a cinematic disco bloodbath spectacle of this alleged Broadway misfire!  I get thrill-chills just imagining what this terrific trifecta of a team could do with “The World According to Chris” and the title song!  They could inject a MEAN GIRLS energy into CARRIE and probably get me thrown out of the theater when I would start emphatically singing along while having a filmgasm! 

In climax…I mean, conclusion… 
The new musical film version of MEAN GIRLS is just what no hot doctor ordered, but definitely what I needed to momentarily escape my possibly imagined frozen wasteland of mediocre obscurity.  Oh, and I know some haters will totally hate me for this, but much like the 2020 musical version of VALLEY GIRL, the 2024 version of MEAN GIRLS surpasses and improves on its source material.  Deal with it! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind, exclamation mark heavy words! 

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  freakboy confession…
I have listened to the soundtrack to the stage musical of HEATHERS and it was like I had a brain tumor for breakfast.  Even the RIVERDALE episode couldn’t rescue that travesty of teen-angst tuneful torture! 👎
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Speaking of torture, my books are available from an Amazon near you…

Confessional Toilets

Come unto this john, ye’ heathens, and confess!

Dump your sins before me and beg for forgiveness!

Shake off the remaining transgressions from your wretched soul! 

Flush your trespasses and then kneel to wash your hands for absolution! 

Purified, until you once again come unto this john, bloated with the odorous stench of unholy wickedness! 

(rinse & repeat)

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Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. click the pic ⤵️ for more toilet humor… 

…but DON’T click this other pic ⤵️ if Confessional Toilets offended you… 😉