freakboy on film: WEAPONS (2025)

⚠️WARNING⚠️ 
I’m gonna spoil the shit out of this film!

written & directed by Zach Cregger 

The only things I knew about WEAPONS before catching a matinee were the title and that it was horror/suspense.  Maybe I had a vague notion of the plot centering around kids because of the shadows on the poster that I briefly glanced at without my Mad Scientist Glasses, so any text went undeciphered. 

WEAPONS is about almost all the kids in a classroom not showing up for school one morning.  Only Justine Gandy, the new teacher, and one shy student are there, followed by a town full of questions and accusations.  All that is known is the missing kids walked…well…more ran out of their homes at 2:17 AM and never came back.  Maybe they were running away from this movie?  The story unfolds from different perspectives, which I liked, culminating in an ending that goes on too long.  

Other things I liked include Amy Madigan as Aunt Gladys.  Initially, it’s like she’s channeling Katherine Helmond as Jessica Tate in the sitcom SOAP (1977-1981), but her kind, mildly ditzy personality is all a (witch)crafty ruse.  

Another thing I liked was the surprise inclusion of a same-sex couple!  LGBTQ+ representation in the horror genre has come a long way, but it’s still feels rare.  That being said, have we come far enough in rights and being accepted to have the only queer representation in WEAPONS brutally killed without having a conversation about it, especially with the current political climate?  

This brings me to something  I didn’t like, besides the goofy scenes of kids running into the dark, the predictable jump scares, the long ending and a lack of explanation over how exactly the missing, spellbound kids loitering around a basement were going to cure an ailing old witch.  I mean, she was obviously not eating them and the kids didn’t seem to be aging if she was  siphoning their youth, but whatever.  As that ending never seemed to end, a realization dawned in my, perhaps, oversensitive mind.  All the characters who died in WEAPONS would be considered “sinners” in the self-righteous minds of right-wing religious whackjobs.  There’s an unfaithful husband, a junkie thief, a gay couple and a witch.  As the admittedly unique ending credits scrolled up at angles, I seriously pondered whether or not I just watched a piece of heteronormative, conservative Christian claptrap disguised as a horror film.  The big flaw in my borderline outrage logic is if my pondering was correct, the teacher would’ve died because she had an affair with the unfaithful husband.  History has proven time and time again that right-wing religious whackjobs would label a woman in this position a harlot or temptress and blame her for everything. 

So, the teacher not dying probably proves my pondering wrong, but the possibility of being correct leaves a distasteful taste in my mouth.  It doesn’t help that I reside in a conservative religious town, in a conservative religious state, in a country currently gunning for right-wing whackjob supremacy.  Can you blame me if my bigotry alert radar is set on high?  I mean, just look at the itsy-bitsy religious propaganda popping up around my already holier-than-thou town for Christ’s sake! 😏 

In conclusion…
If my spoilers and ponderings haven’t ruined it for you, I suppose WEAPONS isn’t the worst way to spend over two hours of your life.  (Did it need to be that long?  No.)  There is some humor and the different perspectives keep things interesting for a bit, but save some soda and popcorn for the never-ending ending.  You’re gonna need some energy to stay focused! 

Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S.  Julia Garner as Justine Gandy in WEAPONS made me visually think of a young Parker Posey donning a bad blond wig and glasses from a different decade.