Oh, you knew it was gonna happen sooner or later! My Andy Milligan obsession forced me to purchase the shockingly big and ridiculously heavy out-of-print 2020 hardcover edition of THE GHASTLY ONE by Jimmy McDonough. I could go on and on about how luridly beautiful this massive book is, especially with its enticing and exciting photos not included in the 2001 edition. However, I’d rather talk about the bonus paperback book, which is the main reason I splurged on the behemoth hardcover. ANDY MILLIGAN SCRIPTS is a collection of 5 film and/or stage play scripts from the Grindhouse/Way-Off Broadway auteur himself. I am obviously eager to devour each deliciously acidic word, but I craved one script above the rest. During the early days of my obsession, I searched for Andy Milligan on IMDb and was drawn to many titles, including TRICKS OF THE TRADE (1968). The plot about a married man being blackmailed after indulging in a night of lust with another couple sounded right up my trashy alley! Tragically, it is one of his lost films. Thankfully, I have now read the mind-boggling, eye-popping script!  |
| IMDb also lists Gerald Jacuzzo as a writer. |
Fred and Saline Clark are an unhappily married couple. The unhappiness mainly stems from Saline’s needy and intrusive mother, who calls and drops by at the most inopportune times, even during the couple’s infrequent bedroom activities. After a fight about his wicked mother-in-law, Fred storms out and finds himself at a bar far away from his unhappy home. There he meets Stud and Marcy Perkins, a pair of swinging hippies.
This carefree couple intrigues Fred so much that he agrees to go back to their place. Before you can say “ménage à trois” three times fast, Fred gives into lust and experiences some new sensations, including a deep kiss from Stud. Little does Fred suspect, this is a sex set-up. Marcy and Stud have arranged for this session to be photographed so they can eventually blackmail him. Let’s face it, a same-sex kiss blackmail pic would fetch a pretty penny in 1968 and, sadly, even in some parts of the world today.
Fred returns to his worried wife and mundane life, still unaware of the devious machinations going on behind him. Either because of his troubled marriage or his experimental night with Stud and Marcy, Fred makes an appointment with a psychiatrist. Dr. Pauline Flood is the epitome of professionalism. Within a couple of sessions, she tells Fred to grow a pair and then sleeps with him.
This form of in-depth therapy works for Fred. He finds the courage to throw his mother-in-law out and get his marriage back on track. Just when you think a happy ending for Saline and Fred is in sight, along comes Stud Perkins with a simple request for Fred. Show up at a sketchy address in an hour or their kissing photo will be released for the world to see. Since a same-sex scandal could ruin his marriage and career, Fred agrees to this request and is introduced to the mastermind behind the blackmail.
Four Eyes, a man residing over his court of degenerates on a throne, is bejeweled like a king and wears a neck brace. He demands Fred exchange $5,000 for the incriminating photo. Fred flat out refuses and is quickly beaten unconscious and drugged by Four Eyes’ henchmen named Eenie, Meenie, Minie and Moe. How does this nightmare scenario of sex and violence end?
SPOILER ALERT!
Saline is an emotional mess because she hasn’t seen nor heard from Fred in six months. Her mother thinks Saline needs to stop moping around, reminding her daughter that she warned her how Fred was a poor choice for a husband. Cut to a disfigured face. Fred is barely recognizable and is suffering from amnesia. He has become just another derelict junkie wandering the unsavory streets of the city alone.
Yes, it’s another heartwarmingly cynical and pessimistic tableau from Andy Milligan and I was extremely satisfied! There are some eyebrow-raising moments and I love the characters. Fred and Saline Clark have some interesting quirks that are not, unfortunately, fully explored. Saline’s mother is another entertaining example of Milligan’s controlling matriarch character. Dr. Pauline Flood is joyously unconventional and unethical. Stud and Marcy Perkins are memorably crazy and I imagine could easily slide into a John Waters film. So could Four Eyes and his goofy-named goons. I still wonder if Four Eyes got his name because of having four henchmen or if he wears glasses along with a neck brace. There is also a slew of very interesting side characters which I haven’t mentioned because they are not directly involved with the main plot, and because this post is already too long anyways. The pages in the book are scanned copies of the actual script. There are sections of dialogue blacked out, with occasional handwritten notes, presumably by Andy. It’s a visceral visual treat to study and devour these words, which thanks to my tablet and Mad Scientist Glasses, I did with devious delight! Now if only someone would unearth a print of the film from a theater’s basement or somewhere. Below is more information and a list of cities TRICKS OF THE TRADE played during its original theatrical run, just in case anyone has the time, resources and desire to search sketchy basements and forgotten attics…
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| There must have been at least two prints circulating around back then. |
SIDE NOTE: I’ve heard there is a theatrical trailer for TRICKS OF THE TRADE out there, but I haven’t been able to locate it. Though there are some stills in the hardcover edition of THE GHASTLY ONE, which just inflames my desire! If you know where to watch the trailer, please leave a comment below. Thanks!
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.
Freak Out,
JLH
P.S. click the pic ⤵️ to get weird with a previous Milligan post…
For example, I changed the 2 cups of cubed ham to 1 pound (package) of bacon. Instead of 4 cups of shredded mild cheddar cheese, I use only 2 cups of shredded mozzarella. Sometimes, but not always, I substitute the 1 cup of milk with 1 cup of buttermilk. I must also add the original recipe called for a bag of hash browns to be layered frozen in the pan, but I use frozen diced potatoes and cook them first. 
