Thursday, December 7, 2017

My DQ Blizzard Bonanza! - Week 5

Once upon a time there was a young man who had a craving for something peculiar. Something that should've sounded disgusting, but instead sounded like the tastiest, most revolutionary flavor combination since chocolate canoodled with peanut butter!

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream and Lay's Sour Cream & Onion potato chips! 

After popping a sour cream & onion chip into his mouthful of peanut butter cup ice cream, he knew he had found his fantastical food bliss!  Don't worry, the story has a second happy ending.  This young man was not pregnant.  He was just a freakboy.  ;)
 
Lay's Sour Cream & Onion potato chips is the perfect side dish in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard supper.

The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard was absolutely delicious, which didn't surprise me at all.  One of my favorite chocolate confections is a Reese's, so it's a no-brainer that I'd  love those tasty peanut butter cups blended into Dairy Queen's smooth vanilla ice cream!

Thank you for reading my half-blind, ice cream words.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  In case you missed Week 4...

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

My DQ Blizzard Bonanza! - Week 4

How do I forget about paranoid thoughts of a dystopian social media future?  By picking up my 4th free Dairy Queen Blizzard, of course!   Plus, winning another Tumbleweed from the Tumbleweed Cafe also helps!  Yeah, I answered the easiest pop culture question ever...(Which Looney Tunes character said, "What's up, Doc?)"...but a freak's gotta do what a freak's gotta do for free food prizes.
 

Once again...just say NO to whip cream!

The Hot Cocoa Blizzard was not literally hot, but it did taste like cocoa!  The creamy chocolate ice cream wasn't just chocolate.  There was an unmistakable cocoa flavor, with a few chunks of Oreos mixed in for some chocolatey crunch.  I must confess Oreos are far from my favorite cookie, but their distinct taste added to the richness of this unique cup of cocoa!  

Thank you for reading my half-blind, ice cream words.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  In case you missed Week 3...

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The Flow of Happiness

"We are here to help you."

This is how it begins.

The brainwashing in the name of good.

The end of authentic emotions.

The beginning of imitation happiness and fake kindness.

"We detect from your social media post that you are not happy, therefore you are a potential threat to yourself and a possible disruption to the Flow of Happiness in others.  The authorities have been notified."

Then they arrive, no matter where you are.

Maybe just to talk, at first.

Then they will come for you.

Take you away for rehabilitation until your Flow of Happiness is at a comfortable level for others.

Your family, friends and neighbors will simply nod their heads in approval because they must.  It's for your own good and theirs.

"Keep smiling.  Everything and everyone is good."

Perhaps world peace will be achieved when we are all being watched all of the time and forced into a perpetual Flow of Happiness that we don't  necessarily feel.

When this fraudulent coexisting contentment begins to crack, there will be only one option left to keep the happiness flowing.

A day to release all of the negative feelings we've been forced to suppress and deny.

"The Day of Release now concludes, and everything and everyone is good.
Keep smiling.
We are here to help you.
The Flow of Happiness depends on it."
~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister and I  heard the news about Facebook's A.I. suicide prevention software today.  This caused an I wish this sounded crazy, but it really doesn't conversation in which we discussed the unsettling growing realism of the films THE CIRCLE and THE PURGE. This post was inspired by our dystopian cinematic chat.

Thank you for reading what I hope is just my half-blind nonsense.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  Speaking of being watched all of the time, the social media sites have got nothing on Anapola Van Der Van for patience, tenacity and subtle manipulation...

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

My DQ Blizzard Bonanza! - Week 3

Freakboy Fun Fact:  I detest whip cream, almost as much as I detest GALACTICA 1980.

Even as a child, I felt pie and other desserts were ruined by this glop of white stuff.  It's too sweet and instead of enhancing the dessert's flavor, whip cream covers the original tasty taste.  Obviously, I'm in the minority here, so direct your vicious digital diatribes to your trash bin, which is just where whip cream belongs!  

Though, I will admit that, maybe, there are situations where whip cream is tolerable, but that is a very different blogpost for a different time, probably after dark.

As for the following Thanksgiving-related Blizzard, I inquired if I could 86 the whip cream.  Like asking a Godfather, my special request was granted, so hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow to find a mutilated red DQ spoon next to me.
 

Just say NO to whip cream, but always say YES to nutmeg! 

The Pumpkin Pie Blizzard surprised me!  Truthfully, I wasn't expecting to overly enjoy it, but I wanted to try something different.  "This seriously tastes like a pumpkin pie!" is what I exclaimed after my first lip-smacking spoonful.  Another surprising aspect was the bits of pie crust mixed into the smooth pumpkin ice cream.  The sprinkle of nutmeg was the cherry on top of the sundae, so to speak.

Thank you for reading my half-blind, ice cream words.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  In case you missed Week 2...

Monday, November 20, 2017

Lonely Late Lunch (a short story)

A middle-aged man sits alone at a table for four in a slightly upscale fast food establishment.  His eyes peer out the window at the afternoon flow of traffic.  People coming and going, their lives in motion while he sits and watches them go by.  

Three young men sit at a table across the dining area.  The middle-aged man eavesdrops on their conversation, not because of what is being said, but because anything is being said.  

Voices.  Voices communicating, expressing ideas and opinions.  Sometimes taking turns, sometimes overlapping.  Inflections noting sincerity to sarcasm.  Laughter mingling with words.  Friends sharing this moment in physical life.  

The middle-aged man's  friends sit in the chair beside him.  Within a satchel resides a portable device.  An out-of-date tablet full of people.  People he has known in his life but are now mostly online connections and people who will always remain photos and typed words on the screen.

He thinks about the three young men and tries to imagine  what it would be like to have a friend sitting at the table with him.  Would they speak of what was, what is, or what could be?  Would they debate some topic, dissecting it until understanding is reached?  Would they make each other laugh, causing the sensation of being happy?  Happy to be alive?  Happy to be experiencing this moment with this friend?  

He thinks about his old tablet, tucked safely into his satchel.  Maybe he could find someone to connect with during his lunch, if only the Wi-Fi wasn't down.  It should be easy to inform an employee of this technical glitch, but that would be tantamount to confessing his feelings of being a pathetic loser who can no longer connect with people in the physical world.

So, the middle-aged man sits alone at a table for four, watching his life go by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading my half-blind nonsense.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  A short story from last November...

Saturday, November 18, 2017

My DQ Blizzard Bonanza! - Week 2

Ok, yes, it is technically still Week 1, but I an calling it Week 2 to avoid confusion later on down this Blizzard blogging road.

I earned the following ice cream treat after watching yet another half-blind eye-rolling episode of GALACTICA 1980.
 
A Blizzard supper is super!

The Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard is definitely not strictly strawberry ice cream.  My first spoonful drew a passionate "Oh, that's good!" from my lips.  The cheesecake chunks are bite-size tasty surprises and I saved that fresh slice of strawberry for the last delicious bite!

On a side note, the Dairy Queen manager asked if I was going to use all of my DQ VIP card.  I said I'd be here every week.  He told me how a winner from early in the year has only used the card 4 times!  I am sure that will not be the case with me, because free food is a terrible thing to waste!

Thank you for reading my half-blind, ice cream words.

Freak Out, 
JLH

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

My DQ Blizzard Bonanza! - Week 1

I guess I should thank two of my Omaha friends for being a couple of sickies on October 7th.  Their several hour drive to Broken Bow just to see their half-blind freakboy was cancelled, so my sister took me to DAIRY QUEEN for an anti-disappointment dessert.  While my sis and I were there, we each registered for a chance to win various food prizes.  After a week passed, I assumed neither of us won anything and forgot all about it.

Flash forward to November 14th.  I received a call announcing that I won one free small Dairy Queen Blizzard...a week...for a year.   A year!  Seriously!  52 ice cream dreams come true! 

I wondered how this sort of prize would work.  The local  manager handed me a DQ VIP card that has 52 dated circles ready to be punched out one week at a time.  The first circle was dated the week of November 6th, my birthday.  For some reason  the winners were drawn a week after when the VIP card started, so I will receive last week's and this week's Blizzard this week!

A freakboy & his DQ VIP card

I probably could've got my first two Blizzards simultaneously, but I decided to start with my favorite, as a belated birthday present to myself, and then pick up my second one in a day or two.


I brought this Blizzard home for supper 

The Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard sent me into a state of ice cream bliss!  Some of the mouth-watering cookie dough chunks got so blended into the vanilla ice cream that every bite was cookie dough heaven!

I hope to try a different flavor each week, if that's even possible!  It's a delicious goal to set, and with every scrumptious bite, I'll be thinking of  my two Omaha friends who were too sick to drive that day.  ; )

Thank you for reading my half-blind, ice cream words.

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  An older post about when I ate a tumbleweed...

Monday, November 6, 2017

Android John Gets Naked


Last November I said I'd let the world spin and see where it would take me.

One year later and the world has taken me nowhere, but it did take a chunk of my vision.

To say this year has been difficult is the understatement of the year.  Anger, confusion, sadness and frustration were the cornerstones of my new half-blind life.  Sadness and frustration still envelop me when reality becomes too real by thinking about what's next..

Let's face it, my left eye had a stroke, which was my body's opening salvo on existence.  This means my story will most likely end sooner rather than later.   

Grains of sand quickly slipping through the hourglass...this is what I hear when I remove my ears.

A hazy, so-called future...this is what I see when I remove my eyes.

Still, I can't ignore the fact I have kept a part of my pre-visually impaired life alive by creating videos and even blogging again.  These projects have kept me sane or at least distracted me from morbid, but truthful thoughts.

Yes, there are things I'd like to accomplish in the coming year.  I just need to focus, but it's not easy when I see too much every time I open my half-blind eyes.

Thank you for reading, and Happy Birthday to me.

Freak Out,
JLH

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

freakboy on film: HAPPY DEATH DAY

2017  
Directed byChristopher Landon  
Written byScott Lobdell


    
"Would you stop looking at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head?" - Tree Gelbman

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tree Gelbman is having a really bad birthday, and she probably deserves it.  She wakes up in a stranger's dorm room and then sets about her day treating people in dismissive and vicious ways.  From a guy she went on one bad date with to her sorority sisters to a university professor and his wife to Tree's own father, everyone has a good reason to hate Tree and wish her dead.  Yet only one hates her enough to make that wish come true by putting on a hoodie with a freaky baby face mask and killing her on the night of her birthday.

Tree Gelbman is having a really bad birthday, and she probably deserves it.  She wakes up in a stranger's dorm room...again.  In a GROUNDHOG DAY twist, Tree will keep reliving and redying her birthday unless she figures out who is behind the freaky baby face mask.  Will she succeed in solving her own murders?  Does she have a limited number of deaths?  Will she find love in the process and maybe become a thoughtful, decent human being?  

I'm not about to tell you and spoil the fun of this clever piece of suspense-horror.  Yes, I said fun!  While there is suspense and some serious creepiness...have I mentioned the freaky baby face mask?...I found myself thoroughly enjoying the twists & turns and humor.

I almost want to compare my enjoyment to when I first saw SCREAM, but HAPPY DEATH DAY feels like a throwback to a less sarcastic, less self-aware  cinematic horror experience.  There's something innocent about how this story of death is presented.  I know how strange that sounds, but it made me flashback to the 1980's, and I'm sure the SIXTEEN CANDLES moment played a huge part in this retro feel.
 
See wha I mean?

Putting aside all of that and the freaky baby face mask, it's the all-around decent acting from the cast that keeps this film afloat and believable.  Especially Jessica Rothe as Tree, the most unlikely survivor girl ever...that is if she actually does survive to see the day after her birthday.

So, make a wish, blow out the candle and enjoy HAPPY DEATH DAY!

Freak Out,
JLH

P.S.  I'm sure this film will haunt me in a couple of weeks when my birthday rolls around.

P.P.S.  Blogging of 1980's cinematic horror...
 

Monday, October 2, 2017

Meanwhile in the Valley of the Dolls...(a gritty, beautiful dream)

-For Dr. Jones-

I know it was a dream because I could see just fine.

We were sitting on the tiled floor of a seedy gas station lavatory.  Your back was leaning against a faded green wall, your legs spread out, forming a V to accommodate me.  I was leaning back against your chest, staring up at the harsh fluorescent lighting, its electric hum filling our ears.

You gently placed two dolls in the palm of my hand.  They were little and white, almost resembling aspirin, but they were not so simple.  I knew you knew me, and I knew these two pills would contain what I needed.

I tilted my head up to see you.  You looked upon me with your kind expression and promised to watch over me.  Trusting you completely, I turned my attention back to the dolls and leaned forward, swallowing them without water.

As I settled back against your chest and once again gazed into the fluorescent lighting, I felt your arms wrapping tenderly around me.  Your embrace made me feel comfortable and secure, and I knew everything would be alright, no matter what happened next.
-------------

Well, that's all of my gritty, beautiful dream.
Thank you for reading my half-blind nonsense.

Freak Out,
JLH

P.S.  Related posts...
freakboy on film: BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
freakboy classics: THE DAY

Monday, September 25, 2017

4 things I HATE about STAR TREK: DISCOVERY

1.). The first episode aired on CBS, but the rest of the season is only available on CBS ALL ACCESS.  Guess I'll never know what happens next, but do I care? 

2). Another prequel series to the original series and another case of getting the Klingons WRONG!  Though they were a slight improvement over the Freddy Krueger Klingons in the abysmal STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

3). I've swallowed a lot of STAR TREK nonsense over the years, but I don't buy for a moment that a full-blooded human would be allowed to attend Vulcan Academy, especially before Spock!  This plot twist spits in the half-Vulcan/half-human face of the classic fan favorite! 

4).  Frakin' subtitles are offensive to my half-blind eyes!  Yes, the visually impaired community needs a spokesperson to ignite frenzied  online outrage about how often we are taken for granted!!! ;)

Anyhoo...that's it for now.  Thank you for reading my half-blind nonsense.  If you are visually impaired, I hope you have a tablet with the ability to turn my typed words into a droning unemotional audio-post.  Ain't being half-blind swell? 

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  
Dear TV People,
Forget Will & Grace and Roseanne, and bring back these series instead...

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

AHS: Cult Kool-Aid Mixer

I will not be sipping any more of American Horror Story: Cult for health reasons.

Watching the first episode gave me nauseating flashbacks of how annoyed and depressed I was over the hate and fear-mongering emanating from both sides in the weeks following the November U.S. election.

My feelings over these extreme reactions probably caused my blood pressure to rise, which, in turn, may have been a contributing factor in my left eye having a stroke in December. 

I want to keep what sight I have left for as long as I can, so I'm poring out what's left of AHS: Cult.  Maybe I'll refill my cup next season, or when the series is  done with this political ratings ploy. 

Though I will say that it wasn't as wretchedly dull as the first episode of AHS: Hotel, and it was smart of Ryan Murphy to cast Billie Lourd as the most interesting and emotionally complex character.

However, I found the clowns repetitive and boring, but that might be because AHS: Freak Show helped me face my coulrophobia. 

Also, if Ryan Murphy wants to give a voice to people who don't feel like they have a voice, why were the main characters all white?

Anyhoo...that's it for now.  Thank you for reading my half-blind nonsense.  

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S. Related posts...
Just tired...
Mundane Clown Person

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Summertime Sickness of Infectious John

A few things I thought about during my recent summertime sickness...

1)  Is world peace achievable without losing individuality?  Seems unlikely without an Outer Limits/Watchmen type event, but even then I doubt peace would stand a chance against humanity's ability to fear and hate one another

2)  Did the various U.S. accents evolve from the languages and accents of early European settlers?  I'm sure there's been studies, but it makes sense, though there must be other factors involved to explain the variations within each accent. 

3)  What if I'm Patient Zero in a pandemic that wipes out over 75% of humanity, leaving me with the nickname "Infectious John" in the post-apocalyptic history books?  Eat your heart out, Typhoid Mary! 

It took a few days , but I beat my summertime sickness of sinus gunk & aches.  Thanks for reading my nonsense! 

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.  Obviously I wasn't Patient Zero...this time. ;)

Monday, July 24, 2017

A New (Half-Blind) Beginning

Once upon a time there was a freak who fancied himself a writer because he didn't know what else to be.  He released a few e-books, a print edition that found a home on a library shelf, and he blogged.

The freak blogged his brains out with fiction, non-fiction, so-called poetry, and other random, and sometimes themed, mad ramblings.  He was rolling right along, mostly pleased with the words he inflicted upon the world, until his own world ended.

Physical betrayal behind eyes the color of dung thrusted the freak into the emotional chaos of vision loss.  He didn't know the cause as his world grew hazy and dark, numbing him into denial until it terrified him into action.

What he hoped would be a simple visit to the optometrist turned into a trip to the E.R., which sent him to an out-of-town E.R., and eventually a neuro-optimologist.  After various medical and visual tests, not to mention the 11 tubes of blood taken for extra torture, the freak was given the name for the nightmare he was experiencing.

Ischemic Optic Neuropathy, which is a loss of blood flow event.  Basically his left eye had a stroke, leaving him with less than perfect peripheral vision.  This loss revealed old, unspecified damage in his right eye, leaving him some sight, but also with a grey, hazy blob where people's faces used to be seen.  This unspecified damage was given the name  Optic Atrophy, which is a thinning of the optic nerves from whatever happened to that eye. 

The freak quickly learned there was nothing to be done to bring back what he lost.  Untreatable became the half-watch word, and he didn't know what to do.  Fall into despair?  Yes.  Rage with anger?  Yes.  Find a way to teach an old freak new tricks in order to keep doing the things he loves.  Yes, but it would not be easy, but most good things are not.

So, here I am, months later, mostly the same, yet irreversibly different.  I am officially visually impaired, but after hitting my face on a table when bending over to pick something up off the floor and on many occasions nearly colliding with fellow pedestrians, I don't feel that's a strong enough description for what I can't see.  This is why this freak calls himself illegally blind or half-blind.  (For more about what I can and can't see, please see the video below, thank you.  I'm getting tired of typing this post.)

Does this new beginning end my vlog TheFreakOptic Files?  No.  I am enjoying the creative urges it inspires and the challenges it provides way too much to abandon it.  Does this post mean I'll be blogging like old times?  Probably not.  I can't make any promises.  All I know is I felt, while sitting on a public toilet, that I needed this writing challenge.

Maybe there will be more tales, or maybe not.  Either way...

Thank you for reading, or listening if you are a half-blind freak like me.  ;)

Freak Out, 
JLH

P.S.
The FreakOptic Files

P.P.S.
My Mad Scientist Glasses