2018 isn't shaping up to be my best year ever. I awoke from a long daydream and cut ties with someone I never thought I would. I ended my ice cream words. I recently felt panicked and fled when a group of four people sat extremely near me at the library. So much for swinging doors open, John.
At least I accomplished my first New Year's Revolution goal. My online home, though it's called an institution because we all go a little mad sometimes, was completed and activated in early March! The JLH Collective is pretty much how I envisioned it. Not only can you find my books, blogs and videos, but each month I'll be focusing The Collective Eye on other, far more creative minds than mine. No comment.
Unfortunately, accomplishing this goal conjured up some negative voices from my past, and those voices are all saying the same three words.
It's not real.
For once this isn't strictly my own voice of self-doubt echoing down through the years. I've heard those three small, but devestating words uttered by many others concerning my prior accomplishments. From my G.E.D. to unreleased creative endeavors from my young adult days to my self-published book and e-books, others have used those three vicious words to tear me down. I guess they haven't succeeded because I keep going, though I have allowed their bitter voices to keep my self-doubt alive and churning in my head. No wonder you went into fight or flight mode at the library.
While nobody has used those words to describe The JLH Collective, I've been waiting for someone to, which may have diminished my sense of accomplishment. You see, I didn't create my online home using a web-building site like Twix or Go Big Daddy or whatever. Maybe I would've used such a site if my book and e-books found readers on a more regular basis, but they don't, so I didn't. Instead, I thought of this very blog and how I have linked pages together. The proverbial lightbulb clicked on in my brain and The JLH Collective was born! Yes, it's a blog disguised as a fully functional website that is still a blog thanks to The Collective Eye. The Victor/Victoria of websites.
Learning to enjoy my accomplishments, no matter how society views them, is something I need to work on. I suppose knowing other people I encounter in real life aren't always going to be vicious, bitter jerks might also be a good lesson to learn. Though I should proceed with my half-blind eyes cautiously open.
I must admit that those three very small words keep coiling around my thoughts as I slowly prepare to begin working on my second New Year's Revolution goal. If I can construct my online home, then I should be able to sort through this blog and collect the best (and worst) posts into a book and/or an e-book. I just need to reinforce my emotional army before I venture forth into this inner battle. John, cut the crap and just do it!
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.
Also... a ginormous thank you to those who support my creative endeavors and who have stuck by me during this Revolution! I suppose this includes you, Mr. Yarrington. It's about damn time, John, but your gratitude isn't as gratifying as it should be. Deal with it, Michael.
Freak Out,
JLH
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John L. Harmon is an indie author, blogger & videographer.
enter---> THE JLH COLLECTIVE <---enter
He currently resides left of center in the state of Nebraska and has been visually impaired since December of 2016.
Good grief! You're so damn talented. I thought your days of self-doubt were behind you. Buck up, freak! You have more creativity oozing from your pores than most people attempt in a lifetime. Keep at it, John! You're phenomenal....and weird sort of way! ;)
ReplyDeleteThis year has been a struggle, Gary.
DeleteMaybe because I'm challenging myself, so my instinct is to rebel.
I don't know, but thank you! Maybe I just needed to hear it from someone who doesn't pull any punches.