freakboy on film: MONSTROSITY

Take a huge glob of clay from The Golem.  Add some spare parts from Frankenstein.  Sprinkle in a bit of It’s a Wonderful Life guardian angel chimes.  Toss in a doomed Romeo and Juliet romance.  Then hit purée and you’ve got the bloody strange mess that is Andy Milligan’s MONSTROSITY!

written & directed by Andy Milligan (1987, according to IMDb)

According to the biography THE GHASTLY ONE by Jimmy McDonough, Andy Milligan fled New York City after seeing a man defecating in the street, so Hollywood must have been a breath of fresh air.  Maybe that’s why his three California films have an almost hopeful quality.  Well, as hopeful as Andy Milligan could get.  

Ronnie is a young woman with a bright future.  She is an artist with a show coming up and she has a loyal boyfriend.  How loyal is he?  After Ronnie is brutally raped and murdered, Mark makes it his mission to seek revenge  on Ronnie’s attacker. 

 

Mark asks his friends Scott, a medical student, and Carlos, a theological student, for help.  Carlos comes up with either a crazy or brilliant idea.  They will build a Golem from spare parts procured by Scott.  Then they can order the creature to kill the man responsible for Ronnie’s death.  Sounds reasonable enough. 

Like a surgeon

After some extremely unsanitary surgery in a garage, their Golem has been assembled and christened Frankie, of course.  The creature even has a leg and arm of a gorilla that Mark borrowed from his job at a veterinarian’s office.  Now there is only the simple matter of bringing life to dead flesh.  Electricity, prayer, black magic and devil worship all fail to work, so the guys decide to give up.  As the trio leave the garage to order a pizza before dismantling their scientific failure, Carlos places a huge teddy bear on Frankie.  The bear tips over, cue guardian angel chimes, and life happens, along with complications! 

 

Deep down, Frankie is full of child-like innocence, but he was built for the sole purpose of revenge.  Can Frankie reconcile his purpose with his true self?  Will a surprising love connection with Jamie, a lovably ditzy, druggy punk-chick, be Frankie’s salvation or downfall?  Will Mark, Scott and Carlos go mad with the destructive power at their disposal?  Can a guardian angel do his job with all the craziness going on?  Experiencing MONSTROSITY is the best way to answer these deeply profound questions.

Jamie & Frankie Forever!

However, experiencing MONSTROSITY is not for everyone.  You’ll be stepping into Andy Milligan’s reality, so leave your highbrow or sensible filmic taste at the door.  MONSTROSITY feels so different from his earlier work that I initially didn’t know if I liked it or not.  The plot is an unevenly paced mix of brutality and silliness.  The performances lack the intense NYC stage presence, but make sense for this California production.  The music score is a droning ‘80’s synth sound that would not be out of place on a VHS porno tape.  The script lacks constant corrosive cynicism, but is still unmistakably Andy.  The direction is somehow totally Milligan, even without the swirl camera or the uncomfortably intimate extreme close-ups from his 1960’s/early ‘70’s films.

The 1980’s were a very different time

After multiple viewings, I can honestly say, MONSTROSITYwill never be my favorite Andy Milligan film, but it has slowly risen up my admittedly fluctuating list.  I think the reason for this is the strangely sweet romance between Frankie and Jamie.  Hal Borske, a Milligan regular, and Carrie Anita are compulsively watchable in scenes together.  They have a weird sort of chemistry that makes you root for this reanimated corpse and junkie punk.  Just remember, you’re watching Milligan, so your rooting may be in vain.

Frankie leaks when he gets excited

 In conclusion…

I’m not sure if this filmic monstrosity will convert anyone into an Andy Milligan fanatic like Fleshpot on 42nd Street did to me.  Yet, MONSTROSITYshould be experienced if you are in the midst of a Milligan film frenzy, or if you enjoy 1980’s direct-to-video horror cheese from a very different angle.  Either way, don’t say I didn’t warn you! 

 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ to learn how Andy Milligan changed my life! 

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HAUNTING STURGEONS, a tale of the DESIRE For connection, the DANGER of revenge and the DAMAGE from being haunted by the past, is available as an ebook from an Amazon near you! 

The blind leading the blind…

Did you know October is Blindness Awareness Month?  Yeah, it was started in 2009 by The Little Rock Foundation in Voorhees, New Jersey.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to shame you if you didn’t know.  Even though I’ve been half-blind for years, I just found out about it this week!  Guess I’ve been too busy to notice an entire month dedicated to me and others on the same sight-unseeing tour.  

REMINDER 

Each person’s lack of vision journey is different, so this post may or may not apply to you or someone you know.

Let me say that losing any amount of vision just plain sucks!  I call myself “half-blind” because I guesstimate half, or maybe less, of my sight remains between my two eyes the color of dung.  What I can see has a haziness about it, like I’m seeing in a dream.  

My left eye only has a sliver of peripheral sight, which has probably kept me from  constantly bumping into walls, people and parked cars.  Yes, I nearly walked into a parked white car and it is amusing, so feel free to chuckle.  

My right eye is my semi-good one.  Most of my remaining sight comes from it, but it’s far from perfect.  Besides the hazy, dream-like quality, there is a grey blob slashing up to my left from just slightly above the center.  This blob is why I have problems recognizing people on sight.  In other words, don’t be offended if, when approaching me, I ask, “Who the hell are you?” 

My Mad Scientist Glasses, which are basically intensely magnified adjustable readers, do not help me read unless the text is really large with a stark contrast.  Even then the process is more akin to deciphering a foreign language than reading.  What my M.S.G. does do is help me see photos, watch television, enjoy films in the theater, and click around the internet.  Mind you, my awesome glasses only help to an extent.  I may see the photo or film better with them on, but I still miss a lot of details.  

Technology has been a tremendous help.  Seriously, I couldn’t have lost a chunk of vision at a better time.  Without my phone and tablet, I would be lost.  They read text to me, including ebooks, but the automated voice requires an adjustment period.  They translate my spoken words to text, though misunderstandings are a common occurrence.  Between my tablet and my Mad Scientist Glasses, I found my way back to writing.  One major test was publishing VISION BENT (half-blind poems) in 2019.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it without help, especially using the library computers, but I succeeded.  If you’re curious to learn more about my vision loss, VISION BENT is available as an ebook and a paperback at an AMAZON near you! 

Now that I got my utterly shameless book plug out of the way, I need to be blunt about something.  Despite what I’ve accomplished since losing a piece of myself in December 2016 and even though I’m thankful for my remaining vision, I still have bad days.  The years have lessened the frequency and severity of my emotional meltdowns, but sometimes being visually impaired really does suck!  I miss driving, especially living in a small town with extremely limited transportation options.  I miss quickly jotting down ideas and notes for stories by hand because I never had to wait for a notebook or pen to switch on or charge up.  I miss reading a book with my eyes, though I found a way to simulate the physical actions.  (Click ANDY MILLIGAN for more on this remarkable sensation)  There are numerous other frustrations that pop up from time to time, but this is my reality and I have to deal with it.

In conclusion, don’t let your lack of vision stop you from living your life.  It may feel like your world is ending, but it is only changing.  The process is a matter of learning new ways to maneuver through this sight-oriented landscape.  It won’t be easy, which is why I recommend talking with your eye doctor, your primary care physician or even a librarian for information on local resources available to you.  With these resources and modern technology, you will hold the tools for getting on with your new blind life. 

Sorry if that made you throw-up a little. 

REMINDER 

A visually impaired or blind person may occasionally need help, but that does not make us helpless.  

That being said, we should not feel embarrassed or apologetic when asking for help. 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  I recently published an ebook version of my second blog serial and i did it all on my tablet in the privacy of my own home, which is a first for me. HAUNTING STURGEONS is available from an AMAZON near you! 

Spooky AI Art inspired by HAUNTING STURGEONS!

My fellow blogger friend Dave of My Gay Opinion and his partner surprised me with an AI art show email celebrating my new ebook!  Being an occasionally thoughtful person, I decided to share these pieces of computer-generated art here before donating them to a local museum for display in their public toilets.  What can I say?  I’m a giver! 

The following pieces somehow capture the essence of HAUNTING STURGEONS, even though the story doesn’t contain dead fish or ghost fish! 

Does this represent Jimmy’s past or is it the ghost of the first victim in DARKENING STURGEONS?

Something smells fishy in Stickler Woods!

Then my friend thought of mixing HAUNTING STURGEONS with filmmaker John Waters.  In my opinion, it appears the AI is a huge  fan of filmmaker Tim Burton! 

This could be us, but you playin’!

John Waters loves being in a fish people throuple!

Last, but not least, my friend and his partner thought of horror movie and queer movie posters based on HAUNTING STURGEONS.  The results are seriously out there! 

This would make a great poster for either HS or DS!

Happy Hour at Gordon’s Bar?

A representation of Eugene Raymond Stickler’s cybernetic bugs?

Jimmy in the Epilogue?

An HS poster lost in translation?

A typical reaction to one of my books!

A self-portrait of Eugene Raymond Stickler?

I like it, but I can’t even pretend to connect it with my ebook!

An idea for a third Sturgeons ebook?

A huge thanks to Dave of My Gay Opinion and his partner, who probably did most of the work, for emotionally damaging a defenseless Artificial Intelligence with my ebook!  I literally laughed out loud! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. You can find HAUNTING STURGEONS at an AMAZON near you! 

For more info, click the pic ⤵️ 

4 Reasons to read HAUNTING STURGEONS…

4- because it’s “unapologetically queer” which is how fellow blogger My Gay Opinion has described my books!

3 - because Simon Hollis is an extremely helpful and insatiably thirsty ginger librarian!

2- because Ms. Floridia Minch is a nasty gossipmonger who you’ll love to read but would hate in real life!

1 - because HAUNTING STURGEONS is the best piece of fiction I’ve written…so far!

Click the pic ⤵️ to find the ebook at an Amazon near you! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words and for all of your support!

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  You don’t necessarily need to experience DARKENING STURGEONS to enjoy the sequel, but click the pic ⤵️ if you want to read what happened before the haunting…

Got Wood?

For a long time I didn’t know much about him, other than he was a director who wore women’s clothing.  Then I saw Tim Burton’s loving bio-pic, but figured there was more to the story.  Over the years I heard of a darker, depressing side beyond his compulsively watchable low-budget films.  Finally, I read THE book and was faced with the startling truth from the eccentric folk who survived this exuberantly tragic ordeal. 

Can your heart stand the shocking facts about…NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY (The Life and Art of Edward D. Wood, Jr.) by Rudolph Grey?!?! 

Reading this book in the same method as when Andy Milligan changed my life, I was initially confused by hearing a person’s name before each paragraph.  I quickly realized this wasn’t a typical biography written in the author’s words.  NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY is the story of Ed Wood as told by the people who knew and loved him, despite his faults or maybe because of them.  Each chapter is chock full of breathtaking memories and highly amusing anecdotes from his widow Kathy, his mom Lillian, actress Maila Nurmi (Vampira), actor Paul Marco (Officer Kelton) and so many others from Ed’s quirky entourage.  Personally, I think stories from and about PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE actor John “Bunny” Breckinridge and alleged psychic Criswell stand out in a most horrifyingly hilarious way! 

That alliteration might be the best overall description of this book.  It has the joyous, can-do spirit found in Tim Burton’s ED WOOD (1994), but also digs beneath the surface.  In NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY, you will learn aspects of Ed’s life that you might not want to know.  I’ll spare you specific spoilers, but be prepared for an emotional roller coaster ride.

While I was extremely entertained by the behind the scenes craziness during production of his celluloid wonders, I was seriously drawn to the intriguing fact that Edward D. Wood, Jr. was also a novelist!  Instead of sequels to his films, he wrote trashy pulp fiction meant to shock and titillate.  Tragically, most of his bibliography is out of print and expensive to purchase.  Thankfully, a few books have been reprinted and I ordered DEATH OF A TRANSVESTITE, originally published in 1967.  I am eager to read it, but worried I’ll be disappointed.  Out of all the jaw-dropping titles, I wasn’t able to locate either of the two I most want to read.  Hopefully some daring publishing house reissues 1967’s DRAG TRADE and 1971’s TO MAKE A HOMO.  Hey, a queer freakboy can dream! 

In conclusion, if you are interested in Ed Wood, obscure Hollywood or “the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable,” then Criswell predicts you will slip into your best angora sweater and cozy up with NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY!  

Can you prove that it wouldn’t happen?!?! 

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words!

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S.  Click the pic ⤵️ for more WOOD… 

Confessional Toilets

Come unto this john, ye’ heathens, and confess!

Dump your sins before me and beg for forgiveness!

Shake off the remaining transgressions from your wretched soul! 

Flush your trespasses and then kneel to wash your hands for absolution! 

Purified, until you once again come unto this john, bloated with the odorous stench of unholy wickedness! 

(rinse & repeat)

~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words! 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. click the pic ⤵️ for more toilet humor… 

…but DON’T click this other pic ⤵️ if Confessional Toilets offended you… 😉 

freakboy on film: PINK FLAMINGOS (the Criterion edition)

 

Everything you’ve read in the tabloids is true! 

Divine is the filthiest person alive, but she’s not out to prove anything.  Using the alias Babs Johnson, she just wants to enjoy life in her secluded trailer alongside her dysfunctionally functional family.  There’s her traveling companion Cotton, her chicken-lovin’ son Crackers and her egg-obsessed mother Edie. 

Meanwhile across town, Connie and Raymond Marble are seething with filth-envy.  The Marbles kidnap young women, chain them up in the cellar, have their butler Channing impregnate them and then sell the babies to nice lesbian couples.  Surely this means they are far filthier than Divine and they are going to prove it! ~ 

Let the competition of filth commence! 

That is the plot of writer/director John Waters’ 1972 masterpiece of mess.  His first color feature film is a juggernaut of bad taste that will shock you, challenge you and make you howl in hysterics.  Well, unless you’re Peggy Gravel from Waters’ DESPERATE LIVING and have never found the antics of deviants one bit amusing.  (More about that later) 

photo from the 25th anniversary soundtrack album 

The acting is full throttle, but never really camp.  The characters are vividly realized with Divine leading the way, coming at the camera like gangbusters as Babs commits gleeful cinematic terrorism.  Mink Stole as red-haired Connie and David Lochary as blue-haired Raymond are perfectly delusional as the wannabe upper crust society couple wallowing in their gutter trash dreams.  Mary Vivian Pearce as Cotton and Danny Mills as Crackers make for an unsettling believable duo of sex and violence, of sorts.  Edith Massey is beyond memorable as Divine’s mentally ill mother, who is almost always in a playpen. 

I first experienced PINK FLAMINGOS on VHS back in the late 1990’s and was entertained and shocked, despite knowing all the crazy revolting incidents in advance.  The years have mellowed the initial jolt, but the chicken scene still makes me grit my teeth.  I’m not a fan of “animal humor,” but I guess I accept what happens in PINK FLAMINGOS because it’s supposed to be shocking and it doesn’t feel like a cheap joke or lazy writing.  The very real chicken’s very real death seems strangely important to the overall plot.  Yes, I’m keenly aware this makes me a hypocrite when I complain about other films or TV shows where (hopefully not real) animals are killed for the purpose of a supposed joke.  Anyhoo, enough about me and my contradictory mental trigger issues.

The Criterion blu-ray edition is chock full of truly surprising surprises!  Viewers are treated to the feature length documentary DIVINE TRASH, which is an insightful and hilarious look at the making of PINK FLAMINGOS.  Then John Waters takes us on a journey to a couple of key filming locations as they are now, 50 years later.  Another fascinating extra is a slew of deleted scenes which reveal a magical subplot that was thankfully cut and one character’s fluid sexuality! 

 

On top of all that, there’s the brilliant slipcase designed to resemble the very un-divine birthday gift for Babs.  Open up the blu-ray case and you will find, not a turd, but rather entertainingly informative liner notes written up as a tabloid rag seen in the film.  Last, but certainly not least, you will also receive the perfect item for a PINK FLAMINGOS viewing…a barf bag!  Honestly, this reproduction of the barf bag passed out at the film’s premiere made purchasing the Criterion edition totally worth it!  I openly laughed in delight at this fun bonus! 

In conclusion… 

John Waters’ PINK FLAMINGOS is a film that needs to be seen to be believed and the best way to see it is Criterion’s blu-ray edition.  I mean, eating dog shit has never looked more beautiful! 

SIDE NOTE (in case anyone from Criterion is actually reading this…)

Please begin working on a DESPERATE LIVING blu-ray edition!  It’s my favorite pre-HAIRSPRAY John Waters film.  

 

Oh, and the one thing your blu-rays and DVDs lack is a descriptive audio track for the visually impaired.  

Thankfully, I watched PINK FLAMINGOS and other Waters films multiple times before losing a chunk of my vision, but you can do better by being more inclusive in the future. 

Thank you. 

And thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words. 

 

Freak Out, 

JLH 

P.S. my review of a different John Waters film…

click the pic