freakboy on film: CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS (1980)

“That can’t be right.” 

This was my sister’s statement as she scrolled through the on-screen cable guide several years ago.  I looked up from whatever I was doing and eloquently inquired, “What?”  My sister explained that, according to the guide, the schmaltzy, Christmas obsessed Hallmark Channel was showing a film called CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, starring John Saxon.  While I could imagine this actor, in his later years, appearing as some young lovesick character’s grandfather, there was no way Hallmark would be showing a movie about cannibals.  Of course, we had to tune in to find out what the hell Hallmark was actually going to show! 

Tragically, it’s not about a woman making candles out of people!

CANDLES ON BAY STREET stars a luminescent Alicia Silverstone with Eion Bailey providing the eye candy.  The plot is definitely not about cannibals running amok in the streets.  It’s about a young woman returning to her hometown after many years away.  Instead of falling in love, like most Hallmark movies, she opens a candle shop and hopes to find a home for her son because she is dying.  It’s actually pretty decent, but maybe Hallmark could do a sequel titled CANNIBALS ON BAY STREET where Alicia Silverstone’s character returns to her hometown as a zombie. 

Scream play by Dardano Sacchetti & Antonio Margheriti / Directed by  Antonio Margheriti

However, the cannibals in CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS are not George A. Romero’s style of living dead.  These cannibals are high functioning rabid humans infected by a virus brought back by Vietnam War vets.  Whether in the streets, a theater, a department store or a hospital, the urge to get bitey with it is rampant.  It all begins with Norman Hopper having a nightmare about finding his soldier buddies, Charlie and Tommy, devouring human flesh in a hole.  The question is, did Charlie bite Norman as he tried to help them out of the hole or was that just part of the nightmare? 

Norman wishing he had packed cannibal repellent.

That’s a question the viewer must ponder as Norman deals with a teen neighbor girl flirting with him and a hot single doctor flirting with his TV reporter wife.  Oh, and Charlie, after being released from the mental hospital, celebrates his freedom by biting a woman’s neck in the theater, killing a member of a biker gang and then also shooting a department store security guard.  Norman talks Charlie down and soon the cannibal is back in the hospital, reuniting with Tommy.  Two cannibals are better than one as the biting gets out of control.  Then, to nobody’s surprise at this point, Norman is revealed to be infected and joins Charlie and Tommy in a cannibal posse as they flee from the cops.  Will the cannibals continue their rampage of biting or will the cops stop them?  Can Norman’s marriage survive the fact he has a taste for human flesh?  What does the teen neighbor girl have to do with anything?  You’ll have to watch to find out.  

Charlie won’t tell you, but he will bite you!

As you can tell, CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS is a serious film exploring the mental health of soldiers using cannibalism as an allegory for PTSD.  Yeah, not really, but I feel the plot wants to be that, maybe.  After seeing the film twice, I’m not really sure what it is.  Part of it is a serious drama, but then there are some well crafted gore scenes.  However, there is more than a little unintentional humor stemming mainly from the dialogue.  Everyone, except for John Saxon as Norman, sounds like they are dubbed.  This might be because this was an Italian production, even though some of it was shot in Atlanta, Georgia. 

Stop eating people so loudly, I’m trying to use the phone!

Speaking of John Saxon…
The actor is arguably best known as Nancy’s sheriff father in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) and is the main reason to watch CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS.  As Norman, he gives a believable performance as a man struggling with emotional and physical demons.  In other words, he lends credibility to the entire production.  Plus, if a cannibal daddy is your kink, Mr. Saxon goes topless.  

Norman brings all the cannibals to the yard

In conclusion… 
CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS, or CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE, as it is known on Tubi & Prime, is somehow neither a great movie nor a bad movie.  The plot plods along, often feeling like it’s not going anywhere even when things are actually happening.  However, despite all of that, I enjoyed the off-kilter weirdness coursing throughout.  Plus, John Saxon is always watchable!  So I guess overall, I’m glad the very mistaken on-screen cable guide introduce me to CANNIBALS IN THE STREETS via the Hallmark Channel. 
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This post is part of The John Saxon Blogathon, hosted by Barry of Cinematic Catharsis & Gill of Realweegiemidget Reviews!

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Freak Out, 
JLH 

P.S. my last blogathon post was a real scream…

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