“No, eBay, I don’t need puppet porn.”
That’s what I said as I examined the email recommendation. A large chunk of my Andy Milligan collection came from eBay, so I understood why they would suggest such a film. I deleted the email and tried to ignore the ping on my filmic radar. Then a friend snarkily reminded me how there’s a difference between need and want.
Well, I told myself that I didn’t really want LET MY PUPPETS COME, even as I lost a couple of eBay auctions. Then on one fateful Saturday morning, I noticed an auction ending around noon. There wasn’t a single bid, so I placed one for $1 more than the reasonable starting price. I then shut off my tablet and went about my Saturday, attempting to act like I didn’t care if I won or lost.
“OMG, I won the puppet porn!”
That’s what I exclaimed, perhaps a tad loudly, as I checked my email while eating lunch with my sister at Runza Restaurant. I was shocked that nobody had outbid me, despite the same thing happening last year with Andy Milligan’s THE WEIRDO (1989). Anyhoo, I paid for my surprising win the minute I arrived home and waited for either the puppets or the police, whichever would come first. Well, the puppets came and I anxiously popped in the disc.
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| Jimmy, a dim bulb, comes up with a bright idea |
Things are looking bleak for executives Fred, Ned, Red and their father Gramps at Creative Concepts Systems & Procedures Brothers Unlimited Inc. Their investment in Big League Bocce has tanked and they owe money to the New York mafia. What are these puppets to do? Along comes delivery boy Jimmy to save the day. He suggests that the brothers produce a skin flick to generate enough revenue to pay off their debts. Well, it sounds easier than selling heroin, so Fred, Ned, Red, Gramps and Jimmy dive deep into the 1970’s hardcore porn industry.
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| Is there anything I can do to make you feel uncomfortable? - Lash |
They receive technical assistance from a couple of film experts. Lash, who lives for leather-bound discipline, is recruited as cameraman. Geppetto is called in to add some class to the smut and to literally create the cast. His son Pinocchio tags along and immediately begins sticking his nose in everybody’s business. To top it off, a woman of a certain age is there to watch over the filming for a group called Urban Women for Decent Pornography. Will this porno be decent enough for Urban Women? Will the rather surprising musical moments be a hit or a miss? Will the addition of commercial parodies help lengthen the film? Will the mafia kingpin arrive to break kneecaps and collect his money before Fred, Ned, Red, Gramps and Jimmy can complete shooting their skin flick? You’ll have to watch to find out.
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| Geppetto, a puppet who makes puppets |
Sure, I’ve seen MEET THE FEEBLES (1989) and THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS (2018), but those puppet films did not prepare me for LET MY PUPPETS COME. I sat through that first viewing in a naughty Muppet Show fever dream daze, with outbursts of startled laughter. Did they just say…? Did they just do…? I wasn’t sure what to think, but I knew I wanted to know more. So, my second viewing was with the audio commentary on.
Film historians
Heather Drain and Samm Deighan provide an extremely entertaining and informative discussion of this different kind of puppet film. I was surprised, in a good way, to hear that writer/director Gerard Damiano was also the mind behind the infamous 1972 crossover hit DEEP THROAT. There was an amusing shock when they revealed a Disney connection through an actor, playing a very human chauffeur, who would later go on to provide the voice of Jafar in ALADDIN (1992). They also talked about how LET MY PUPPETS COME was inspired by a an off-broadway stage musical with the terrific title KUMQUATS. Last, but not least, I found it wonderfully refreshing to hear these two women geek out and celebrate 1970’s hardcore porn.
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| Is that a nose on Pinocchio’s face or is he just happy to be in this film? |
Well, with the newly acquired knowledge, I had to experience LET MY PUPPETS COME again and I found myself seriously enjoying it. No, not like that. The crazy-absurd film suddenly made perfect sense and was a total trip and a half! I’ve watched the entire film a few more times since then and have often skipped around to my favorite scenes when I need some cheer. One scene in particular involves Pinocchio becoming human and singing an awesome song about the new all-American boy. It is bizarre, wild, wonderful and probably politically incorrect nowadays. However, if you’re easily offended, you really shouldn’t be watching puppet porn or even reading this blog.
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| Pinocchio contributes to the delinquency of adults through glam rock |
In conclusion…
Yes, eBay, I did need puppet porn and my filmic life is all the better for it. So, if you want to experience something hysterically shocking and joyously raunchy, grab some grapes, take a swig of “Lusterine” and prepare yourself for the sights you will never unsee in LET MY PUPPETS COME!
Thank you for reading or listening to my half-blind words.
Freak Out,
JLH
P.S. LET MY PUPPETS COME was the third place winner in a Twitter poll I conducted to decide which film I should review now that my blog serial is over.
So click the pic ⤵️ for the fourth place winner…
…and click the pic ⤵️ to learn about the second place film…
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Click the pic ⤵️ to read my blog serial…
